4 Questions To Ask About Your Sexual Desires in Marriage

I believe that everyone would agree that the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife is one of the most important aspects of a marriage.  I do not believe that it is the most important, but it is in the top two or three.  I believe that the sexual relationship is a barometer of all other aspects of the marriage.  With that being said, I have been asked by several couples about the limits of their sexual experiences.  The questions have been, “My husband would like to do _______ and I am not sure I am comfortable with it.  How should we approach it?”  Or, “I think ______ would be interesting and fun.  How do I get my husband(wife) to try it?”  You might wonder if people really have asked me these questions, and the answer is “YES.”  But they FILLED in the blank.  For a 50+ year-old, very conservative man, I can tell you that those conversations were not my most favorite.  Yet, I realize that in our sex-crazed world these are issues that are being dealt with in Christian marriages.  There are several blogs that handle sexual issues explicitly.  Here are a couple that I read regularly.

Sex Within Marriage

The Generous Husband & The Generous Wife

Hot,Holy, & Humorous

There are many more. You can find them at Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

These are some good resources for some of the more taboo subjects as well as some How To’s for married couples.

I want to share with you some of the talking points when it comes to these taboo subjects. 

1. Are you being selfish?  Many sexual acts are extremely selfish.  The sexual relationship is designed for both partners to be satisfied and fulfilled.  Certain acts do not bring the same satisfaction to both partners.
2. Are you both comfortable?  Do either of you feel degraded by performing certain acts?  I realize that stretching one’s comfort zone might be important to keep things from getting stale, but both partners need to be in agreement to how far the zone is stretched.
3. Why do you want to try the new position/act?  Where did you learn it from?  If you have been watching porn, you need to realize that your spouse probably is not going to feel the same excitement of certain aspects of your requests.  You need to be conscientious of your mate’s desires as well as her/his inhibitions.
4. Is it honoring to your bodies?  Finally, we are the temple of God.  We need to treat our body along with our mate’s body as such.

Remember, God created sex in the Garden of Eden for several reasons.  One of those reasons is the enjoyment of each other.  Talk about your sex life, pray about your sex life, and enjoy your sex life.

Can you think of other questions that might help you deal with issues of one spouse wanting something that the other spouse has not tried or does not want?

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT

Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word toshine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

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