#FlashbackFriday Originally posted October 9, 2012.
Men, have you ever thought about what you wife’s greatest need is in a relationship with you? I would like to know how she would answer you. I wonder if she would mention that she needs to be listened to more and understood better. Maybe she would point out that she desires more attention to what she is doing that cannot be interrupted. I wonder if she might tell you that she really would like for you to care about what she cares about more. I’m not sure what she might say, but I have heard so many different answers; yet at the same time most of the answers are very similar. So let me share with you what I believe is the answer that we need to focus on.
Before I give you the one word answer, I want to show you how we get to that answer.
The Bible uses four primary words in Ephesians 5 and I Peter 3 telling husbands how to treat their wives. The first of those words is Love.
Ephesians 5:25 (NASB)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
The word that is used in this verse translated “Love” is the word that describes God’s love. This means that the love is to seek the best in the recipient of the love and is also seen as being sacrificial and unconditional in how it is presented. So I want you to think for a moment about how you love your wife. Do you seek the best in your wife? Are you sacrificial in your love? Is your love unconditional or do you expect your wife to earn or maintain your love?
The second word that is used in Ephesian 5 is Nourish.
Ephesians 5:28-29 (NASB)
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
The word for nourish deals with feeding to bring to maturity. This word primarily used describing the parent relationship with their child, but here it is suggesting that the husband is to provide for and protect his wife. When we nourish our wives, they will flourish in all they do. I ask husbands if their wives are better off because they are married to them. If not, then how can the husband improve on that aspect of the relationship.
The third word is Cherish. This word means to warm and foster with tender care. The only other place this word is used in all of scripture is in I Thes. 2:7 where Paul is talking about a mother nursing her baby. How does that baby feel in his momma’s arms? How is that momma looking at her child? I realize that the relationship between a momma nursing her child is unique. I believe that our wives need to feel that they are special to us and that they are treated with tender compassion. I won’t ask a question here; I’ll just make a statement concerning the need that is addressed here. When we yell at our wives, they will not feel cherished. They need us to be gentle with them.
The final word is the word that we looked at yesterday and that is Understanding. I will not go into more detail on that principle but if you have not read yesterday’s post, look down the page and find Understanding Your Wife.
Now that you have all four words – Love, Nourish, Cherish, and Understand – let me give you the one word answer to the original question. SECURITY!!
There are several aspects of security in your relationship with your wife. I just want to mention different areas of security that your wife needs. At a later date, I will address them at length.
- Physical Security
- Financial Security
- Emotional Security
- Sexual Security
- Spiritual Security
Now, gentlemen, how are you doing in the area of providing security for your wife? If we want our wives to be happy and fulfilled in our marriages, their need of security has to be met!
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.
Cassandra's Marriage Mints says
Amen!!! On point!!!
T Bittner - Genuine Husband says
Is my wife better off because she married me? WOW! It gives me pause and shakes me to the core to ponder the weight of that question. You really gave me some things to think about and a great conversation starter for our couple time.
Marqueta Byers Lacy says
I am sending this link to my husband. What a profound message. Thank you!
Steve Fryar says
Great and timely word. As husbands we are the leaders and must lead by giving our bride her the security she needs at all times and in each way you mentioned. Keep up the great posts.
Brian Collis says
I love the breakdown of the four words, the references to the original Greek and the other places in Scripture they are used. It is so important to understand the context so we can truly grasp what God’s word is saying to us! Excellent post!
Thank you for the encouragement.