This quote is a typical man’s thought, but I think differently.
A man came into my office one day truly upset about the way his marriage was going. He sat down and began to relate to me the difficulty he was having even carrying on a conversation with his wife. After a few minutes of sharing his frustrations, he blurted out “I just don’t understand her!!” “She is different than me in every area. She thinks differently, talks differently, and acts differently,” he continued. He concluded with, “I just don’t know what I am going to do.”
After listening to him for several minutes, I finally told him that I understood exactly how he felt. I told him that I had struggled and continue to struggle at times in this department…But there is hope for all men!! I know that statement is true because I Pet. 3:7 says “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way,…” If God’s Word tells us to do something, that must mean that it is possible. Now I know that not all men will take the time and make the effort to understand their wives, but it is possible. Let’s look at some ways that help us to be more understanding.
- Listen to them. Most men tune their wives out as she relates to him the events of her day. They begin to think of things to do or to say to shorten the conversation. One thing that ends a conversation quickly is pulling out the phone while she is talking to you. (Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard way.) Your wife is not trying to bore you with details. She is sharing with you what is important to her.
- Ask questions. I know…I know…men do not like to ask questions. They think is a sign of weakness if they ask questions. I have often wondered where we get these notions. Questions are a wonderful tool to use to get to know someone. When we talk to people we just met, we ask questions about their lives, work, children, etc. We need to do the same with our wives. Ask her about her dreams, likes, dislikes, as well as her expectations. Be as specific as you want your relationship to grow to a deeper level. No one wants a mediocre marriage, do they?
- Take interest in her interests. This step has been difficult for me, yet it also has been rewarding. I have gone to museums, plays, and to Japanese restaurants that serve sushi because that is what my wife likes to do. I am not much into any of that, but I am into my wife. Almost every time, I’ve ended up truly enjoying myself and I know that she enjoyed herself.
These three steps are starting point for all men to understand their wives. Men, do you want to have a growing relationship with the person you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with? Get to know her. Learn to understand her. When you do, your marriage will flourish. If you don’t, your marriage will stagnate. I believe it is your choice.
I would love to hear how you have learned to understand your wife. Please leave your comments below.