Mother’s Day 2012

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This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. This day is a day that can carry a lot of emotions with it. Hopefully those emotions are good and positive, but I know that they can be sad and negative for some. Maybe even in the sad emotions there are many happy memories. This Mother’s Day is one that will have many different emotions for me; mostly emotions of joy and thankfulness for my mom and my wife. Then there are the emotions of pride and exultation for the fact that my daughter just gave birth to her 1st born son, Gideon. Finally, there will be some sadness as a deal friend of mine just lost his wife a couple of days ago. He has 5 children and almost 4 grandchildren as the next grandchild could be born by the time anyone reads this. Over the past 20 years or so, we have been extremely close with this couple. Thinking back, we have kept each other’s children. We have gone on mission trips together and choir trips together. We have pranked each other as well as have had some very deep, intimate conversations with each other. I think of the children almost as much as I think of my own. I realize that they each have grown up and now have their own lives and I don’t see them as much any more, yet that love and concern is still there for each one. I’ve even had their pictures on my refrigerator. I can’t say that about very many people’s children, if any that weren’t family members. Wow, as I write this it makes me remember all the good times that we have had as couples as well as families.

I began thinking about Mother’s Day and the wonderful mom God gave me. You see, God chose to have one woman carry me in her womb for those 9 months and then gave me to another woman, my mother, to teach me and train me in the ways of the Lord. I have been asked if I ever wanted to find my “birth-mother,” and my response has always been that I have a mother and do not need another one. Don’t get me wrong, I thank God regularly for the woman who gave birth to me. I also thank God for her courage to give me up for adoption. I can only imagine the pain that decision caused her. I am not naive to believe that she did not hurt over that decision. I pray that she has had the blessing of having other children during her life when she was better prepared to take care of them. But God used her to be the vessel to carry Shirley Watson’s youngest child, me. I think about all the good times that we had as a family, while I was growing up. I can remember all the trips we took as we went on vacations. Some of those memories are from some of the silly things that took place, while others are from some of the serious times we had as a family. If I were to write about all my memories, you would not want to read any further. I just want to communicate that the constant has been the fact that my mom along with my dad have always been there for me. They have been an example of what it means to be committed to one another and to their children…now their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their commitment to each other stems from the fact that they have been committed to the Lord for most of their lives. What a blue-print to follow as I look back on the things from my childhood to today.

The second mom that comes to my mind today as I write this is my bride, Lisa. She and I have been married almost 27 years and have reared 2 children. I think back at how I was in the beginning of our marriage. We had Danielle on our 14 month anniversary, so it seems like Lisa has been a mom our entire marriage. I thank God that she was dedicated to being a mom and continues to be so today. I was not around very much with going to school and being a youth minister. I allowed those things to get in the way of me being a husband and a daddy. I thank God that my bride was not distracted from her responsibilities as I was. I believe that Lisa has been and is the ultimate mom for her children and now her grandson. Again, her dedication to the Lord is first and foremost in her life.

While I am bragging on my children’s mom, I am reminded that I do have

a second mom in my life, my mother-in-law. She is a very godly and caring mom as well.She and my father-in-law have been married for 54 years and have shown a sincere love and dedication to one another as well as their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. For my wife to be such a good mom, she had to have a very good teacher and trainer. I thank Marjorie McCloskey for being such a good mom for my wife growing up and even now.

The final mom that is on my mind today is my daughter. Danielle Barker. When I think about Dani and the fact that she is celebrating her 1st Mother’s Day, I feel so much pride and a sense of accomplishment. I thank God for the fact that Dani has had many examples to follow and she is committed to the Lord, her husband, her son, and her calling. I don’t think that I could be any more proud of who she is today. Now, I want to give God the honor and glory that He deserves for all of this.

This Mother’s Day, I would encourage each of you to thank God for all the moms in your life!

Summary of Real Marriage

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I am always looking at books on marriage to read and evaluate for use in my ministry. There are so many good books out there on marriage and more are being written seems like every day. The last book that I read was Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll. What a book! I realize that many people have written comments about the book, some have been very positive while others have not been. I decided to read the book with an open mind so that I could truly hear what I needed to hear while I read the book. Even though I did not agree with everything the Driscolls said in the book, the main points on marriage, friendship, romance and the sexual relationship are points that I can totally agree.
The emphasis of Real Marriage is the relationship and the work that relationship takes for a marriage to be successful. We live in a day and time when marriages fail all the time, therefore it is time that pastors make the effort to teach some very practical applications to scripture in the areas of life that impact a marriage greatly. Mark and Grace do just that. I think that one area of the book that truly will help couples is the chapter on friendship. Too many times the husband or the wife or both do not include the other in their recreational activities. Most couples do not have a great deal of time to spend together and then they add stress to their relationship by not recreating together. Now I do not believe that the couple should spend every spare minute together, but if you do not spend time together recreationally the friendship within the marriage will falter. When that happens, the marriage begins to falter. It is true that the husband needs to have guy friends and the wife needs to have girl friends. But the best friend needs to be each other. I remember several years hearing John Maxwell talk about how he told one of his golfing buddies that he could not play gold on a certain day because he was going to an art museum. The buddy replied “I didn’t know you were into art.” Maxwell then said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.” I can personally vouch for the fact a museum can be fun when you go with you wife. I thought that the chapters of the book on the man’s role in the relationship and the woman’s role were very well written and concise with biblical principles to use in the marriage. I believe that when men and women understand the biblical role set out before them, their marriage relationship will improve immensely. Our society has so devalued the differences in gender and blurred the lines so much that we have lost sight of the fact that God created male and female in His image. Each gender reflects the nature of God and when put together, they reveal the image which God intended from the very beginning.

I thought that I might share some of my thoughts about what I disagreed with but I realized that it might detract from the fact that I truly enjoyed reading the book and agreed with the majority of it. I have read some of the scathing reviews of the book. I guess that I did not read this book with the same attitude of others, because I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a good book to read for some very practical help in their marriage. I will let you determine if the book is worth recommending to others.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

Free Book Review

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I signed up for a book on Book Sneeze which means I receive a book to read and then I blog about that book. I receive the book for free. One of the reasons I signed up for such a deal was to help encourage me to be faithful in reading.

I read “Free Book*” by Brian Tome. I really enjoyed reading this book. The premise of the book is that we are free in Christ and we should not be bound by religious laws or traditions even. Too many times we as believers get caught up in a list of do’s and don’ts that cause us to be burdened down instead of allowing Christ to bring freedom in our lives. Our relationship with Christ is designed to bring us freedom and therefore should be filled with joy…not worry if we are living right.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free…So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. (John 8:32, 36 NLT)

As I read this book, God spoke to me in many ways. He helped me identify some things that has kept me bound in my beliefs along the way. Tome covers the basic steps to get to freedom in your life, therefore as you read the book you have everything you need to experience the freedom God wants you to have.

A couple of things that somewhat bothered me in the process of reading this book were Tome’s beliefs of what freedom allows him to do. I do understand that freedom means freedom, but do your actions coincide with what the Bible teaches. Does your freedom in Christ bring God glory or are you just using the guise of freedom to indulge in your own desires. I do not want to judge Brian Tome or what God tells him to do. I just have not reached the point that I would be comfortable participating in some of the things he has done as a pastor. Also, I know that being in the area that I reside in (NE Texas) is very different than being from the city of Cincinnati. Each place has its own levels of morality and what is excepted in ministry. Just because I don’t think that some of the things he does for his ministry will work in mine, doesn’t mean that I can not learn from reading his book.
I would encourage each of you to read Free Book. It is not a very long book and is easy to understand. My endorsing the reading of this book does not mean that I agree 100% with his methodology or even his theology.
Overall, very good book!

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Reconciling Relationships

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Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 NASB)

I know that this verse is one that many Christians learn early in their lives. (I remember memorizing this verse as a child in Vacation Bible School.) I want to delve into the meaning of this verse a little.

How many times has someone done something to offend you or hurt your feelings? Have you ever had an argument with someone knowing you were ‘right’ yet you acted very ugly in trying to prove your point? Now I know the answer to both of these questions. I know that all of us have been offended time after time, even by those whom are closest to us. I also know that we all have been in arguments that we allowed our emotions to get the best of us. So what do we do now that these things have happened? How can we learn to handle these same circumstances when they arise again?

I believe the first step in reconciling the relationship that is being effected by the past is to be forgiving. Most of the time being forgiving means forgiving yourself. I have been told several times ‘I cannot forgive myself.’ I realize that forgiving ourselves is a difficult thing to do because we cannot forget our behavior. There are many times that I am plagued with thoughts of my bad behavior or the things that I have done wrong. The negative thoughts can haunt us with doubts about ourselves for a long time if we let them. God is willing to forgive us of all our sins, even the worst ones! We have to begin looking at ourselves with God’s eyes. He is able to separate us from the sin itself. He judges us based on who we are and not what we do. We have to work on doing the same thing.

The second step in reconciling the relationship is empathizing with the other person. When you have offended someone, try putting yourself in their shoes. While doing so, answer a couple of questions about the situation from the other person’s perspective. The first question is, “How would I like it, if I were treated the same way by someone?”. The bible tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated. We call this ‘The Golden Rule’. If all of us would stop and think about how we like to be treated, our relationships would be a lot different. The second question is, “What are the circumstances that are influencing the other person’s behavior?” Now, you might be asking the importance to the second question. When we understand the other person and attempt to connect with them, we can begin to see ourselves through their eyes. When we are able to see ourselves the same way the offended does, we become more compassionate toward that person as well as more repentant. This action creates an attitude of humility and gentleness.

The third and probably the most important step is forgiving the other person. An understanding of what forgiveness means is imperative. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. Our brains are not designed to forget certain things. Forgiveness is NOT equal to reconciliation. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that the relationship is automatically reconciled.
Forgiveness IS choosing not to hold the other person responsible of their offense. Or in another words, separating the offender from the offense; as God does for us. Forgiveness IS choosing to be willing to work on reconciling the relationship. Without forgiveness, reconciliation is impossible. Forgiveness IS a gift. A gift is given based on the giver, not the receiver. Again, just as God forgives us!
How do we forgive now? I could write a great deal about this, but in this article I want to focus on just one aspect of forgiving. We must recognize our own hurt emotions and accept them. We cannot blame the other person, or we will not forgive. When we can accept our emotions, we then want to replace the negative, hurt emotions with God’s healing and His acceptance. His love for us is unconditional and is totally founded in His character. Once we get to this point, we can forgive.

The final step in reconciling the relationship is moving toward reconciliation. Many things can be written on this subject as well; which will come later. The process includes expressing your forgiveness, seeking their forgiveness, building boundaries, and agreeing on changing behaviors. I know I could add a great deal more, which I will elaborate in the near future.

Are we willing to exemplify Ephesians 4:32? Can we be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving? Following these steps should help!

School Memories

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This summer was my 30th high school reunion, which unfortunately I was unable to attend. But, I am a member of our high school group on FaceBook and much of the discussion since the event has been about teachers and our education. One person listed her teachers along with the school nurse. Wow, what a memory! I almost remember my teachers’ names. Unfortunately, I do not remember all of my teachers. I also do not remember everyone in my classes over the years, but I have had fun trying to remember people in the pictures that are posted. While all of this has been taking place, I have begun thinking about the impact certain teachers and events have had on my life.

One teacher that I comes to my mind is Ms. Crabtree. In the sixth grade, I thought I had met the meanest teacher in the world. Her rules in the class were extremely strict and her tests were out of this world. I remember failing history tests, not by just a little but a whole lot. Really I thing she felt sorry for me and passed me to the seventh grade. I had never encountered such difficulties in school. I was always an A student, until her class. One of the impacts that she had on my life was learning to learn. Ms. Crabtree knew she was a hard teacher, but she also knew what it took to prepare her students for the next steps in life. One subject that I did well in her class was grammar. She taught us to diagram sentences, which we all wondered why. Many of us was complain, yet I learned more that year in English probably than any other year. Ms. Crabtree’s insistence of teaching us diagramming prepared me for not only high school English, but also my Greek classes in college as well as seminary. I actually had the opportunity to go back and thank her for that experience.

Many of my other teachers were equally as good as teachers, but I think Ms. Crabtree had the biggest influence on my learning experience because she was the first one that was that hard. Many of my teachers cared about me. My elementary music teacher, Mrs. Youngblood, went to my church and really helped me learn how to sing. She even helped me some after school. Mrs. Cary, my math teacher in 6th and 7th grades, prepared me for the future classes. She knew my dad, which helped me stay in line. That is until she had back surgery and my best friend and I switched names for 6 weeks. We would have gotten away with it, but I had an orthodontist appointment one day during math class. That was not a good thing.

I could continue about several of my high school teachers, ranging from my English teachers to my coaches. Each teacher had a different impact on my life. I have to admit that some of the impacts were not as positive as others. I thank God for my days in the Nederland ISD.

The reason for me to write about my former school days and some of my memories is to point out to all the teachers that will be starting back to school in the next week or so, you are making impacts on your students lives. I remember when we moved from Bay City to Texarkana, my wife was asked by one of her students ‘what am I going to do know? You are the only English teacher I have passed.’. It wasn’t that she was so easy, but rather he wanted to work for her because he knew she cared. Teachers, let me ask you a question. Do you care about your students? Do they know you care? Many of the students in our school systems today have very little support at home. These students do not have discipline in their lives, nor do they truly know love. I wonder if as a teacher you could ask God to give you a special amount of grace for your students this year. My wife has been teaching for almost 20 years and it gets more difficult each year. Having to teach toward standardized tests is a major hassle, I realize that. As students, we were thought to think for ourselves. We were not taught to regurgitate information. One more question, why did you get into teaching in the first place? I bet it was to make an impact on future generations. I believe the only true impact comes from showing God’s love to people. Will the teachers share that love this year?

If you are not a teacher, will you join me in praying for our teachers to have God’s love for their students? School is so important, as are our teachers. Let’s join together to help make this impact.

Mother’s Day

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Titus 2:3-5 (NASB)
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

I realize that Mother’s Day was yesterday, but I wanted to write some of my thoughts about the day that we have set aside for moms.  I know that not everyone has the same feelings about Mother’s Day as I have, but I think that the day can be a very special day.  I also understand that the day can bring about negative feelings or sadness for some who have lost their moms in the past year or moms who have lost children.  I pray that as you read this, your thoughts are of the preciousness of your mom or your children.

Yesterday as I was praying and thanking God for my mom, Shirley Watson, I was reminded of the special lady who gave me life and chose to give me up for adoption.  You see, that lady made a very brave choice in 1962 to allow her pregnancy to develop to full term and then give birth to someone who she would never see or hold or know anything about.  I am sure yesterday, if she is still living, she would wonder about that little boy that she gave birth to.  I just want to say thank you to God for giving her the courage and strength to do what she did.

My mom, Shirley Watson, _on the other hand had the strength and courage along with my dad, Doyle Watson, to adopt three children from situations they did not know a whole lot about.  As I was growing up, Mom was always there for me.  I remember one day sliding down a slide in our backyard right into an ant hill.  I was covered with ants and she took care of me.  I remember when Bimbo died.  I was about 4 and how she consoled me.  My mom chose to stay at home and work with her three children to make sure they had the very best and very safe place to live.  We might not have had everything, but we had everything that was important.  When I go home to Nederland now, I still go to the house that I grew up in.  Sure there have been add-ons and the street has been widened, but it is still the house on the corner that carries so many memories.  As I have gotten older, I have wondered how we could play such wonderful games of kick-ball in our small backyard.  So many of the neighborhood kids came to our house to play.  There was always Mom there to help referee when needed as well as provide refreshments to everyone.  Mom taught me so much as I was growing up.  She taught me how to be fair with others as well as to accept others, regardless of their backgrounds.  She taught me discipline in many areas of my life.  She always wanted me to be as well rounded as possible.  (I think I’m rounded in areas she did not intend now though.)  I remember her wanting me to continue taking piano lessons even though I thought they interfered with my basketball playing.  I guess I could go on for a long time reminiscing about growing up with a mom that chose to adopt me and love me unconditionally.  Sometimes even now she helps me see the truth in life and how to apply it daily with the people closest to me.

This morning on the TV, while I was at the gym, some ladies were talking about the different attitudes toward motherhood.  I actually got aggravated with some of their opinions. (It was the only thing on the TV’s in the gym at the time.)  Let me tell you.  Having a mom that put you before life itself and maybe her personal dreams and aspirations is the greatest gift a person can ever have.  The example of love and devotion that I received growing up on the corner of 21st and Elgin in Nederland, TX is something that can never be replaced.  Thank you Mom for loving Dad with all of your heart (for 58 years this summer) as well as giving yourself totally to your three children!!!!  What an example of a Titus 2 woman you have been for all around you.  Thanks again.

Acceptance vs. Rejection Principle Pt. 2

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Ephesians 4:32 (HCSB) And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

I realize that it has almost a month since I have posted a blog.  I started with a discussion on Rejection in my last offering and I want to conclude today with how we are to deal with rejection.  First let me summarize part one of this principle of Acceptance vs. Rejection.  I believe from a spiritual standpoint that most depression is caused by rejection.  That rejection can be either real or perceived.  Either way, the rejection always hurts the one that feels it.  Rejection begins a spiraling fall toward depression.  There are several steps on this staircase but the bottom is always depression.  I hope that you will read the remainder of that blog from two weeks ago to fill in the steps of the process.

Let me ask you a couple of questions.  What do our doctors do when we begin to talk about depression?  Most doctors, if not all of them, will prescribe some form of medication to help our moods.  There are many different medications that have the specific job of helping with depression.  There are even new medications to help some of the older medications to work more effectively.  http://www.abilify.com is a website that even gives the names of the medications Abilify works with.  http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article3434486.ece and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/medications_depression.htm are two articles that indicate studies that antidepressants are not always effective to treat depression.  Now again, I am neither a doctor nor a clinical psychologist.  I am a pastoral counselor.  I want to help people experience relief from their depression from a biblical standpoint.  If you are on any medication, please do not quit it without talking to your doctor first.  I thank God for the medication that is out there.  I want you to know that I believe that medication is a gift from God.  But I want to emphasize that it is only a tool to help mask the hurt or the symptoms of the depression.  It is not a cure.

Since the medication that is prescribed is not a cure, I want to offer a solution to the hurt that can lead to depression.  Forgiveness. Now I know that might sound like a simple conclusion on the surface, but do we truly understand the biblical view of forgiveness.  When we understand that, we will be well on our way to experiencing freedom from that rejection.

Forgiveness needs to be understood.

1.  It is not for-getting.

2.  You don’t have to feel good about the offender.

3.  You should not wait till you feel like forgiving.

4.  Two Parts of Forgiveness:

a. Decisional

b. Emotional

“Whatever your situation, whatever has happened in your past, remember that you are the loser if you do not deal with an unforgiving spirit.  And the people around you suffer, too.  You have within you the power to forgive, to be healed, and to be set free to live your life to the fullest.”  Charles Stanley

God’s Example of Forgiveness

  1. God’s love has no limits.
  2. God’s love is patient.
  3. God is eager to express His love.
  4. God’s love is focused on the sinner, not the sin.
  5. God receives the sinner back into fellowship joyfully.

What happens when we don’t forgive

  1. We get hurt.
  2. We become confused.
  3. We look for detours.
  4. We dig a hole.
  5. We deny it.
  6. We become defeated.
  7. We become discouraged or depressed.

Three Ways to Know We have Forgiven

  1. Our negative feelings will disappear.
  2. We will find it much easier to accept the people who have hurt us w/o feeling the need to change them.
  3. Our concern about the needs of the other individuals will outweigh our concerns about what they did to us.

“Forgiveness is a process that can be painful and at times seem unending.  Whatever our pain, whatever our situation, we cannot afford to hold on to an unforgiving spirit another day.  We must get involved w/ the process of forgiving others and find out what it means to be really free.  If we will persevere and keep our eyes on the One who forgave us, it will be a liberating force like nothing else we have ever experienced.”  (Charles Stanley, Gift of Forgiveness, pg. 133)

To summarize the above, in order to truly forgive others, we have to accept the pain that has been caused by the rejection or the offense.  Then we have to decide what to do with that pain.  We can either hold on to it or we can let it go.  If we forgive, we let it go.  We do not hold the other person captive because of that offense.  We learn to see the person through the eyes of God, whom separates the sinner from his sin with His perfect love.  Only through the gift of God’s forgiveness can we forgive others.

I believe that once we learn to forgive others and rely on God’s acceptance, we have a totally different outlook on life.  We are able to see beyond the clouds of our rejection and see the clearing that God’s light and love provides.

One final thought on this subject I would like to offer you.  Many people who are on medication have no outlet for the emotions.  They are relying on the medication to do a miracle, but they can’t relate their feelings to anyone.  That is where counseling comes into play.  Our modern mental health philosophy in many circles is just to medicate.  We also need to be able to learn to express ourselves in productive ways.  This is where my profession of a pastoral counselor comes into play.  I am not advertising me per se…well maybe I am, but I am encouraging you to find someone you can talk to that will help you have a biblical perspective of your struggles.

Matthew 6:14-15 (HCSB) 14 “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. 15 But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.

Rejection Vs. Acceptance Principle pt. 1

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DEPRESSION: What do we really know about depression?  We might be able to look at someone and tell that they are down, blue, or sad on any given day.  We might realize that someone is not laughing as much as they use to or that they are sleeping more.  We might recognize some different symptoms in people close to us as they begin staying in the house more or staying to themselves more.  But do we really understand depression?  Do we know what causes depression or why some people react to the symptoms of depression the way they do.  Depression can have a range from “I’m just kind of blue today” to all the way to “I’m at the end of my rope and I see no hope.”  Some depressed people are diagnosed by their doctor and therefore are prescribed medication to help them deal with their depression.  Others are self-diagnosed or un-diagnosed and are truly struggling with their difficult emotions.  Some depression is seasonal as well as intermittent, while some depression is chronic.  Many articles have been written on depression and living with depression.  Recently there seems to be more and more advertisements for new anti-depressants on the television as well as in magazines.  We live in a very depressed time and people are looking for answers or solutions to their depression.

I would like to offer some of my thoughts on depression today.  Let me begin by offering a disclaimer so that I am not misunderstood.  I know that I am not a licensed professional counselor nor am I a medical doctor.  I am not trying to treat depression from a medical nor clinical perspective.  I am a pastoral counselor as well as a board certified belief therapist.  I believe that God’s Word gives us some principles that can help us learn to deal with our depression.

A good definition of depression is “internalized anger.”  Now the symptoms of depression are much more complex than this definition.  Symptoms can include sadness, grief, fatigue, hopeless, lack of motivation, guilt, over-eating or not eating, and much more than these.  The symptoms can move all the way to suicidal thoughts or even homicidal thoughts.  I have read different articles concerning the cause of depression and many of the authors list causes that range from a biological, genetic cause to trauma and stress in a person’s life.  All of these can be true.  I would like to focus what I believe to be the major cause of depression and that is rejection.  Rejection can be real or it can be perceived.  Rather it is real or perceived; the rejection is real to the person that feels it.  Rejection begins a spiral downward from the initial feeling to the end result of depression.  There are several steps down this spiraling staircase that will descend to the deepest form of rejection if a person does not deal with the root causes.

The first step on this staircase is the initial Rejection.  All rejection hurts and causes us to react or to respond to that rejection.  Many times we begin to think about why someone might have rejected us.  We might ask the question, “Why is that person rejecting me?”  “Or how can I change so I will not be rejected any more?”  When we hurt, we want to get away from that hurt the best way possible or maybe the quickest way possible.  No one likes to be rejected.

The second step on the staircase is Rebellion.  Rebellion is the resistance to or defiance of any authority, control, or tradition. (Dictionary.com)  When a person experiences rejection, they cross the bridge of hurt toward the step of rebellion.  He rebels against even who he is supposed to be in order to change toward what he thinks someone else expects him to be.  This rebellion includes an attitude of change that is not governed by the clear thinking of the individual, but rather is clouded by the hurt he is experiencing.  As his attitude is changing toward rebellion, he then crosses the next bridge which is the fear of not being accepted still.  This bridge leads him to the third step.

The third step of this staircase is Reaching out for acceptance.  As the individual reaches out to others, he is inclined to change his behavior.  He begins acting out of his fear, rather than his knowledge of what is right and wrong.  These actions to not have to be severe, but they are wrong in and of themselves.  Elijah’s actions were not severe, just wrong.  Peter’s actions were not severe, but they were wrong.  These wrong actions begin to lead a person to the feelings of guilt as well as to the next bridge which is the feeling of hopelessness.

Once a person reaches the bridge of hopelessness his next step will be depression.  All of his steps are being clouded more and more by the hurt of the initial rejection.  Many of the steps will provide more occasions of rejection along the way; therefore a person can be at different aspects of this spiraling staircase at the same time depending on the different circumstances.  This depression can lead to a variety of suicides, meaning financial suicide, professional suicide, relational suicide as well as physical suicide.

I believe that an understanding of the principle that rejection can lead to depression can help an individual deal with his own depression.  How a person deals with rejection might lead to how well he deals with his depression.

My next blog will deal with how we are to deal with rejection.  I hope that we all can learn together to look at depression from a different point of view.

A Testimony of Faith

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This weekend I had the opportunity to go to the home of a couple that I would consider one of the best friends in my life.  We have been friends for the past 17 years and our children have been close to the same age.  We have been on double dates together, eaten in each other’s homes and even gone on several church trips together.  Our friendship has gone through many different stages over the years: yet each time we get together, there is a connection that bridges any gap that has been caused by our schedules, our family events, or even differences of opinions.  I know that the connection is only attributed to the love we have for each other and the relationship with Christ that surpasses all of our other relationships.

I want to share with you this couple’s testimony of what God is doing in their lives.  It was such an honor to be in their home Saturday night even though they are experiencing some very difficult times.  Some of you who read my musings will know this couple while many of you will not.  Knowledge of the couple will not enhance their testimony other than to be able to pray for them by name.  I am writing about Richard and Cindy Hodde.  Cindy has been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) a few months ago.  I have read some about the disease but I am not sure I still understand all there is to know about ALS.  What I do know is that Cindy is at the point of being bedridden.  She has lost a tremendous amount of weight and most of her physical strength.  I also know that there is no known cure for ALS which can be disheartening.  Lisa and I along with Caleb spent about ninety minutes just talking and remembering a great deal of our families’ past.  We ended the conversation with Cindy sharing her faith with us concerning her disease and her prognosis.  I was totally blown away.  I talk all the time about living by faith.  I encourage people to “Be still and know that I am God…Ps. 46:10” in my office almost every day.  Cindy shared with us that she was challenged with thoughts about God from the very beginning of this episode in her life.  She questioned if she truly believed the stories in the Bible of Jesus healing the lame, blind, and lepers.  She questioned if she truly believed that Jesus resurrected Lazarus from the grave after being dead for four days.  She came to the realization that these were not just stories, but they were actual facts of life that has taken place through the work of God who loves greater than anyone can ever love.  She was then led to the verse, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”(Heb. 13:8) As she grappled with her beliefs of what was said in the Bible, she concluded that the Bible is just as true today as when it was written.  Therefore, if God healed in scripture than He still heals today.  She is living with the hope of the fact that God loves her so much that Jesus redeemed her for His purposes.  Even when the doctors tell her that there is not much hope, she focuses on the truth of who God is to her and the fact that He is still at work in her life.  Knowing God to her is not just from reading a book about the Bible or listening to a sermon about God; her knowledge of God is from her experience of faith that she is living every day.  Every day as she talks to people, she is always sharing her faith in the Living Savior who is at work in her physical life as well as her spiritual life.  Thank you Cindy and Richard for allowing me to experience your faith this past weekend.

I want to challenge you just as I have been challenged to live in faith in a God who is very much alive and working just as He has done from the beginning of all creation.  No matter what the situation is that you have encountered, God is there and is working.  Let me ask you, “Who is God to you?”  Have you experienced Him today?

Hearing the Voice of God

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I have been reading The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus which is an excellent book.  I realize that it was written a few years ago, but I just got a copy from a local bookstore to read with my son as a discipleship tool.  I was hoping that God would use the book in his life to help him in his walk with the Lord.  God allowed me to think that I was getting the book for him…HA!  God wanted me to read the book to challenge me in so many areas of my life it is not even funny.  God is like that, isn’t He?  He leads you to help someone else, all the while wanting to teach you something new or to convict you of sin in your own life or even to cause you to move in a new direction.

The one area that truly captured my attention while reading Dr. McManus’ book was a discussion that he had with his son about hearing the voice of God.  The reason this passage of the book caught my attention is that so many people have asked me about this subject over the years in counseling or just in the ministry.

This past weekend in our Bible study class, we read a passage in Mark where God spoke audibly about Jesus to Peter, James, and John.  I know that Moses spent forty days on top of Mount Sinai conversing with God the entire time.  Adam and Eve had the privilege of communing with God in the Garden each day.  Abraham had strict instructions from God on several occasions, which I believe came from audible conversations.  In the Old Testament, it seems that God spoke audibly where now He doesn’t.  But the major difference is that we have the Holy Spirit residing in us, while the Spirit of God rested on people during the days before Christ’s ascension and the giving of the Holy Spirit on the Day of Pentecost.  The dynamics of our relationships with God are different in our day that in the Old Testament days.  Yet, the author of Hebrews quotes David from the Book of Psalms by saying, “Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts.”  He actually uses the quote twice in two different chapters, so the principle of hearing God’s voice must be as important for us as it was for the Biblical heroes of our faith.

So how do we hear the voice of God?  Is there a magical formula that must be followed?  What if we do the same thing that we had done the last time we heard God’s voice, but we do not hear it this time?

Hearing God’s voice comes from having an intimate relationship with God on a daily basis.  God speaks to us through His word as well as through other believers along with some circumstances.  God primarily speaks through His Spirit which resides in us using, as Dr. McManus describes, a voice that sounds much like our own.  God’s instruction will always line up with the truth of His Word and the principles of who He is.  God can never contradict Himself.  God is speaking to us.  Are we listening?  When we begin to ignore the Voice of God is when our hearts begin to harden.  I pray that today you have a soft, pliable heart for God to speak to and then to use.

Psalms 95:7-9 (NASB)
7 For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand. Today, if you would hear His voice,
8 Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, As in the day of Massah in the wilderness,
9 “When your fathers tested Me, They tried Me, though they had seen My work.

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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