4 Keys for a Successful Dating Relationship in Marriage

February 11, 2015 By bwatson 12 Comments

Counselors, bloggers, and marriage educators have been talking about dating for married couples for the past several years. I remember hearing about dating as a married couple in the 1980’s really for the first time. My parents would go to functions and get us a baby sitter but I guess that I never considered them going on dates. What I do remember was that they would go to church functions or work events. Every once in a while, they would go to a concert at the college or a community play. While I’m thinking about it, yes they went on a few dates while I was growing up. They just did not talk about dating as a couple.

Dating is important at any stage in the marriage relationship. If you are newlyweds, you might think that every day is a date. You are still excited about being around each other and you are not worried about the “cares” of everyday life yet. You play and joke and just enjoy being together. If you are parents of children, dating becomes more difficult. You have to find a sitter. You are more tired because of work and taking care of the kids. Your children have different activities to get to and you are their taxi drivers. Just remembering those days is making me tired. Maybe you are like me and my wife: empty-nesters. Dating can still be challenging because of work schedules, fatigue from work itself, or financial crises, not to mention babysitting grandkids. Every stage of married life needs dating to be a part of it, yet each stage carries its own set of struggles to accomplish dating. How do we have a successful dating relationship while we are married?

Schedule a date night. Obviously once a week would be best for this. Some schedules do not allow for that as well as some budgets would not allow it. Therefore, schedule a date night at least once per month. Put it on your calendar. Budget for it. Make it a priority to your relationship.
Be creative with your dates. Try not to get into a rut of what a date is for you. I know that this can be difficult in some communities, but work together to broaden your scope for dating. I confess that this is a problem for me. I think that all dates should include a sit-down dinner at a restaurant. I am trying to expand my thoughts to something more imaginative.
Be attentive on your dates. Put the phone away. If you are sitting a table in a restaurant, sit across from each other so you can look at each other. Talk to your mate. Laugh and cut up together. Play footsies under the table. When you spend time looking at your phone, your spouse thinks he/she is not important. I have started giving my phone to my wife when we go out on a date. That way she can control if it gets answered and I will not be tempted to play games or text while we are on the date.
Alternate choosing the dates. If you always choose what you are going to do on the date, let your spouse plan the date. You might be surprised at what they want to do. I have encouraged couples to rotate each month for the dates. The man plans all the dates for this month and the woman plans all the dates for next month. Neither person can complain about the choices for the dates. This allows for more variety in the dates as well as takes the pressure off of any one person to decide on each date.

We need to keep our marriage fresh and spontaneous through dating.

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Each one of us need to be actively dating our spouse. We need to keep our marriage fresh and spontaneous through dating. I hope that these suggestions of how to have a successful dating relationship in your marriage is helpful to you.

What would you add to the suggestions?

Relieving Holiday Stress

November 14, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Originally posted Nov. 15, 2102. Good reminders for the upcoming holiday season.

The holiday season is upon us. With it comes parties and gatherings along with travel and gift giving. Wow! So much to think about and so much to do. How do we handle the stress of the holidays? How do we manage to juggle the different needs and desires that come along with what is supposed to be The Most Wonderful Time of The Year?

Many people do not look forward to the holidays because of the painful memories that are associated with this time of year: divorces, deaths of loved ones, past hurts, etc. Many people have fears of what the holidays might bring. Because of the seasonal times, many people are depressed during the holidays. All of these issues can bring added stress to the holidays. So again, let me ask, “How do we handle the stress of the holidays?”

I have a few suggestions that might help you as you think about the upcoming events that can crowd our calendars.

1. Make a plan. Sit down with your family with a calendar and talk about the upcoming events. Prioritize the events as:

Mandatory
Best if attend
Good if attend
Want to attend but not important
Don’t need to attend

Now you might think that everything is mandatory for you to attend. I admit that family events are very important, but sometimes hard decisions need to be made for what is the most important concerning your needs for the time. If your calendar is too crowded with events over the holidays, you can feel overwhelmed and stressed which will cause a great deal of problems for you and you will not enjoy the season at all.

2. Make a budget. Again, sit down with you family and talk about what you can afford. Many people spend more money during this time of the year then they do any other time. Many people go into debt over Christmas, which creates many more problems in the future. Some questions that need to be answered:

Can we afford to travel?
What can we afford to purchase for each person that we buy for?
Can we afford to bring gifts to every party?
How can we do what we want to do without borrowing money?

I know that I am asking difficult questions. I know that I ask hard questions. Some of you might think that they are unrealistic and that is fine. Everyone chooses to celebrate the holidays in a way that they want, many times without consideration of how it is affecting their family and their relationships with others much less how it will affect their finances.

3. Communicate your plan. Tell your extended family and your friends what you will be doing during the holidays. Tell them the truth about the decisions you have made. Most of the time, family and friends will understand your decisions when they are communicated properly.

I know that so much is expected during the holidays. There are family parties, work parties, school events, along with church gatherings. I know that everyone wants to do everything, go everywhere, and give as much as possible. I am giving you some suggestions to help you eliminate as much stress as possible during them. When the stress levels are down, the enjoyment levels are much higher.

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT

Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

A Woman’s Greatest Need in Marriage

October 24, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

#FlashbackFriday Originally posted October 9, 2012.

Men, have you ever thought about what you wife’s greatest need is in a relationship with you? I would like to know how she would answer you. I wonder if she would mention that she needs to be listened to more and understood better. Maybe she would point out that she desires more attention to what she is doing that cannot be interrupted. I wonder if she might tell you that she really would like for you to care about what she cares about more. I’m not sure what she might say, but I have heard so many different answers; yet at the same time most of the answers are very similar. So let me share with you what I believe is the answer that we need to focus on.

Before I give you the one word answer, I want to show you how we get to that answer.

The Bible uses four primary words in Ephesians 5 and I Peter 3 telling husbands how to treat their wives. The first of those words is Love.

Ephesians 5:25 (NASB)
²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

The word that is used in this verse translated “Love” is the word that describes God’s love. This means that the love is to seek the best in the recipient of the love and is also seen as being sacrificial and unconditional in how it is presented. So I want you to think for a moment about how you love your wife. Do you seek the best in your wife? Are you sacrificial in your love? Is your love unconditional or do you expect your wife to earn or maintain your love?

The second word that is used in Ephesian 5 is Nourish.

Ephesians 5:28-29 (NASB)
²⁸So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
²⁹for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

The word for nourish deals with feeding to bring to maturity. This word primarily used describing the parent relationship with their child, but here it is suggesting that the husband is to provide for and protect his wife. When we nourish our wives, they will flourish in all they do. I ask husbands if their wives are better off because they are married to them. If not, then how can the husband improve on that aspect of the relationship.

The third word is Cherish. This word means to warm and foster with tender care. The only other place this word is used in all of scripture is in I Thes. 2:7 where Paul is talking about a mother nursing her baby. How does that baby feel in his momma’s arms? How is that momma looking at her child? I realize that the relationship between a momma nursing her child is unique. I believe that our wives need to feel that they are special to us and that they are treated with tender compassion. I won’t ask a question here; I’ll just make a statement concerning the need that is addressed here. When we yell at our wives, they will not feel cherished. They need us to be gentle with them.

The final word is the word that we looked at yesterday and that is Understanding. I will not go into more detail on that principle but if you have not read yesterday’s post, look down the page and find Understanding Your Wife.

Now that you have all four words – Love, Nourish, Cherish, and Understand – let me give you the one word answer to the original question. SECURITY!!

There are several aspects of security in your relationship with your wife. I just want to mention different areas of security that your wife needs. At a later date, I will address them at length.

Physical Security
Financial Security
Emotional Security
Sexual Security
Spiritual Security

Now, gentlemen, how are you doing in the area of providing security for your wife? If we want our wives to be happy and fulfilled in our marriages, their need of security has to be met!

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT

Directed Path Ministries

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round

August 28, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

In the spirit of Throw-Back-Thursday, I thought I would repost my most viewed blog. Originally posted Aug. 20, 2012

Ephesians 5:31-33

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

³¹ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. ³²This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. ³³Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she^[a] respects her husband.

When a couple comes into my office the very first time, I usually ask each person what the problem in their marriage is according to their opinion. Many times one or both individuals will answer with “if my spouse would change, we would be fine.” I always chuckle at remarks such as this because we as people are always quick to blame someone else so we do not have to focus on our own behavior. Even after explaining that each person in the marriage plays a role in the harmony as well as the conflict, I have had several continue to insist that the problem in the other person in the relationship.

Today, I would like to share with you that an attitude like that is most likely the main problem in the conflict. You see, when a person is unwilling to examine his/her own life and own behavior, change will not occur which means that the conflict will just be a merry-go-round with some ups and downs but always end up at the same place. I don’t know about you but merry-go-rounds are not my favorite rides at the carnival. Matter of fact, I have not been on one at the carnival or fair in about 20 years when my children needed me to ride with them.

So how do you get off the merry-go-round in your marriage and begin moving toward the common goal of a harmonious relationship that is fulfilling for each person involved?

Here are several things that need to be addressed.

You have to take your eyes off your spouse’s behavior. When you are focused on your spouse’s behavior, you cannot look at yourself and the role you are supposed to play. You see, the Bible gives each the husband and the wife a role to play. There has to be a balance between the two for the relationship to work properly. (Now if your spouse is being abusive or committing adultery, that is another subject all together. This discussion is for those conflicts that occur in most relationships.)
You need to ask the question “What am I doing wrong?” As I have already stated that each person plays a role in the conflict as well as the cooperation. Are there areas of relationship that you could be doing things differently or better? Are you being selfish in some of your thinking? Are you more concerned about your needs than the needs of your spouse? All of these questions need to be answered. If any of them are answered “yes” then you have some work to do on your own behavior.
You need to ask the question “What am I doing right?” You might be confused with this question. Sometimes a person loses sight of what is good in his/her behavior. Many individuals believe the lie that he/she is the total problem in the marriage, which is not the case. (Again, we are not dealing with adultery or abuse here.)
You need to remember you are on the same team. Your spouse is not the enemy. Satan loves to bring conflict into marriages. He uses whatever means he can to separate the union that God has brought together, even if that means creating disharmony through friction. A husband and wife are to be one in spirit as well as flesh. If a couple does not remember this, the clash of the two will bring a chasm that is difficult to overcome.

When your favorite football team takes the field in a couple of weeks, I want to encourage you to notice if the offense is blaming the defense for the mistakes being made or for the losses incurred. Maybe the defense is blaming the offense for the losses. Which ever the case, that team is in trouble!! But, if when a team loses, everyone begins talking about the changes they need to make and they win as a team and lose as a team, there is hope for that team to improve. The same is true for your team of being a husband and wife. If you can identify what you are doing wrong and what you need to work on and allow your spouse to do the same, your marriage can be a winning marriage moving in the right direction of bringing God glory and you fulfillment.

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT

Directed Path Ministries

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

I’m De HEAD!!

December 13, 2013 By bwatson Leave a Comment

I’m De’ Head!!

I’ve heard men actually say that in counseling sessions. I’ve had to laugh when someone has said that. I thought for a minute that they would start beating their chest to prove their dominance. I remember reading in a book that if you had to announce your headship, you weren’t the head.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB95)

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Ephesians 5:23 (NASB95)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

These two verses are the two that point to the fact that a man is the head of his wife and therefore is responsible as such. What does it mean for a man to be the head of his wife?

Here are a couple of thoughts about this Biblical principle.

It is a God-given responsibility. It does not say anything about the man being smarter or better than the wife. It is a position that is given based on God’s order and design.
This responsibility has a perfect example as Ephesians 5 says. A man’s example of how to be the head is Jesus Christ. You might be thinking that it is an impossibility to follow that example, so why try? We try because it is what is best for our marriage as well as our relationship with God.
This position can be misused and abused easily. Many men try to dominate their wives which is not leading them. Other men try to pacify their wives, which allows the wives to be the leaders. Both of these are abuses/misuses of the position.

Let’s look at our example and how He interacted with the people He was sent to lead.

Jesus was a servant. The main stories of Jesus serving the disciples is found in John 13. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. Understanding the humility of His actions is extremely important. Jesus could have required someone else to do this because he was the master, yet he chose to do it himself. As husbands we must be humble and be willing to serve as it is needed.
Jesus was compassionate. There are several examples of his compassion with people. How he interacted with children, how he spoke with the “woman at the well,” how he was non-judgmental with the woman who anointed his feet with the oil and wiped his feet with her hair are a few of the examples that come to my mind this morning. Husband, are you compassionate with your wife? Do you care about her feelings, wants, and needs?
Jesus was forgiving. On several occasions Jesus told people that their sins were forgiven. I guess the main story of that is found when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in adultery for Jesus to judge. If we are going to be the godly head of our wife, we have to have a forgiving spirit. No one has a perfect wife (mine is close tho) and therefore, we must be willing to forgive.

I could continue to show things about Jesus that we are to follow His example in doing as we lead our wives, but I am not trying to write a book with this blog post.

I want to conclude with what I think is the most important aspect of following Jesus’ example of being the head.

Jesus spent time with The Father. Men if we are going to lead our wives as we are supposed to, our relationship with God must be growing and dynamic. Without spending time with God through prayer and reading His word, we will not know how to follow Jesus’ example and will not be a good head.

When we follow Our Lord’s example, we will NOT have to declare that we are the head. It will be obvious!!

Forgiveness and Repentance

December 12, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

“My husband has been cheating on me and I do not know if I can ever forgive and forget such an act.”

“My wife talks to me with such disrespect and hatred that I’m not sure that I will ever be able to forgive and forget that.”

I know that I could continue with different scenarios, but I think you get the picture of how many people feel about forgiving someone. It is a misnomer that someone would be able to forget something that has created such hurt in his/her life. Since that is the fact, what does it mean for us to forgive someone?

Matthew 6:14-15 (NASB)
¹⁴“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
¹⁵“But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

Every person I know wants to be forgiven by God, therefore they struggle with the idea that they have to forgive whomever has hurt them.

We read also about God’s forgiveness: Isaiah 43:25 (NASB)
²⁵“I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.
Wow!!! God says He will not remember our sins and we are supposed to forgive as He has forgiven.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NASB)
³¹Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
³²Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (emphasis mine)

I want to add one more verse to the list of verses I’m using today because I think that we need to have a better understanding of how we are to forgive as well as then behave with the offender.

Luke 17:3 (NASB)
³“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

This verse seems to be saying something different than the other verses. I do know that the following verse tells us Luke 17:4 (NASB)
⁴“And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

In order to get a grasp on forgiving someone, we have to look at each principle that is given to us in scripture.

The first principle that we need to understand is that we have to have a attitude of forgiveness if we expect God to forgive us. As Jesus is teaching us how to pray, he includes that we must forgive so that we can be forgiven. How presumptuous it would be for us to expect God to forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive someone else. If we harbor unforgiveness, then we are not willing to be Christ-like. When we choose to be unChrist-like than God is not going to forgive us, until we repent.

The second principle that we need to understand is that God chooses not to remember our sins. God cannot forget anything. He knows every thing. I believe that when God sees us, He is looking at us through the blood of Christ that has been applied to our lives through our salvation. Therefore, He chooses to see the sacrifice and not the sin and He does not hold the sin against us because of what Jesus has done for us. We can enter into God’s presence because of this.

What does this mean for us as we forgive others? We will not forget what has occurred to us. Our minds hold on to hurts and trauma as well as special events and details. When someone has wronged us, it would then be unrealistic to ever believe that we would be able to forget. What we must do is to make a conscious effort to not hold the wrong against the person who has wronged us. This effort obviously would be easier for lesser offenses than it would be for something major. If your spouse has committed adultery, then you will have to wrong harder at not “remember” the offense.

The third principle that we need to understand is that our ability to forgives comes from our understanding of how much God has forgiven us. That understanding only comes when we truly consider the cost of our forgiveness in the first place. We are in the days of celebrating Christmas, the birth of Jesus. He had to leave heaven to be born into this world. He lived a sinless life and then died a substutionary death for us so that the penalty of sin would be paid. He then rose from the grave and then assended into heaven so that we could join Him one day. Our forgiveness cost Jesus Christ every thing. When we forgive others, we must be willing to “pay” a price.

The final principle that I believe is important for us to understand about forgiveness is that true forgiveness cannot come without repentance. Dr. Ronald Hawkins wrote that forgiveness without repentance is cheap. (Totally Sufficient, pg. 213) The word repent means to do an about face and go the other direction. Repentance carries with it an attitude of humility and a willingness to follow the guidelines that are in place. When forgiveness is offered without repentance, the offender will continue to abuse or misuse the offended. In salvation, we have the ultimate forgiveness. Our relationship with God is secure because all of our sins (past, present, and future) are forgiven. But we are told in scripture to repent and to ask for God’s forgiveness. (I John 1:9) When we sin after our salvation, the fellowship with God is broken and we must repent in order for Him to restore that fellowship. The same is true with people around us. The true fellowship of the intimate relationship of marriage or family can only be sustained when there is repentance along with forgiveness. When there is repentance, trust can be rebuilt and reconciliation can take place. Without repentance, the relationship is void of those qualities.

We must be forgiving people. We must live with an attitude of forgiveness. We also are told by Christ that we can expect repentance for true forgiveness to be given.

Married Forever

October 15, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

The marriage vows, “Till Death Do Us Part,” seem to have lost their significance. Divorce is rampant all around us, including in the leadership of the church. I know pastors that are serving in churches that are divorced and remarried. I know churches that just turn a blind eye to that fact. I have heard on many occasions by clients that “God told them to leave their spouse.” I always just ask, “Really?” I have a difficult time believing God tells anyone to go against His Word. God does not contradict Himself ever. Before I anger everyone reading this today, let me explain that I know there are Biblical reasons for divorce. I believe that a life of adultery is the main reason for divorce in scripture. I also believe that physical abuse is another Biblical reason. I believe that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, that is also a Biblical reason. I have heard some others try to add more reasons, but I think they are stretching scripture to fit their desires. Most of those are not the reasons I have heard the most recently. Why do people divorce most of the time? At least this is what I hear seemingly the most…”I am not happy and God wants me to be happy.” You know, I want to be happy. I like being happy. There are some days that I am deliriously happy. I’m not sure that I can prove that God ever says that He wants me to be happy. The word that is used over and over in the Bible is “joy.”

Jesus says These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. (John 15:11 NASB)

God created us to give Him glory and show the world our relationship with Him. He wants us to be full of His joy because the world doesn’t understand it. He wants us to be full of love for others, because that is a foreign idea to our society as well as our world. Now, let’s go back to marriage. God has designed marriage to reflect His relationship with man. Remember that the very first marriage was found in the Garden of Eden when Adam had a need that was unmet. God chose to meet that need with His gift of Eve. Why? Because there was an intimacy that God understood that was not being met in any other way. God saw and met the need in a way that would reflect man’s need for an intimate relationship with the Creator as well. It really aggravates me when I see people who just throw away their marriage and then say that God gave them permission to do so.

For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

You see, God says that He hates divorce and He actually hates the one that covers his garment with wrong. What I believe that means is that He hates the one that tries to excuse himself for doing what is wrong. Wow! Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I know that God has used the divorce of some to move them to a point of realizing they need a better relationship with Him. I have helped people get right with God after a divorce. I just wonder sometimes what marriage inside of the church would look like if more people would focus on being full of God’s joy, instead of selfish happiness. I wonder if people would focus on getting right with God within their marriages instead of getting out of the marriage and then getting right with God. If you are divorced, I am not judging you. I understand that every situation in different. I also believe that God loves you enough to die on the cross for your sins just as He has mine. He is more interested in His relationship with you than He is your marriage. I also realize that you might have a Biblical reason for divorce. Today I am writing this because I have seen and heard so many Christians say “God told me to get a divorce” while they did not have the Bible backing them up with what they were saying. Again, God never contradicts Himself. He never tells you to do something that cannot be backed up with scripture. Those of us who are married, let’s make sure we remember the vow “Till death do us part!”

The Man’s Greatest Need in Marriage

October 12, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

The past several days I have been writing about the woman’s need for security and the different aspects of what that means. We’ve looked at being able to understand her, the reason for her need of security, creating security in your sexual life, as well as in your financial lives. Each of these is very important for men to be able to create the secure environment his wife needs for the marriage to be fulfilling for her. With this information, we are on the way to having a happy marriage…BUT there is another side of the scales that need to be balanced. The other side is the Greatest Need in a Man’s life.
When I ask the question, “What is your husband’s greatest need in a relationship with you?” The answer usually is more sex. Some people answer love or understanding. Some men might say that the answer is more time for hobbies. All of these answers are good, but not the Biblical answer.

Ephesians 5:22 (NASB)
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

This verse is not a popular verse in today’s society. They want to portray women who submit as weak and inferior. They say that submission is passé and old-fashion. The word that is used in the New Testament as submit means to place yourself under the leadership of someone else. The placement is a voluntary action. This action recognizes the line of authority that God has designed for the home.
It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.
The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures by Dallas Seminary Faculty.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB)
3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Ephesians 5:33 (NASB)
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

I want to focus on the need for men to be respected. We do not understand the word submit as well as we understand the word respect.
One of the aspects that need to be first understood is that women are supposed to respect, not because their husband is respectable but because God tells them to. (Just like men are supposed to love because God says so.) I realize that this can be difficult to do, because I do not always act in a respectable way. My wife, Lisa, cannot control me nor does she want to most of the time. Her job is to treat me with respect.
How are some ways that this will happen?
1. Talk respectfully. Do not belittle your husband. Do not argue with everything that he says. I am not telling you that you are not able to speak or that you cannot disagree with your husband. I am saying that when you do, you need to speak with respect in your voice.
2. Pray with him. Men desire to hear their wife pray out loud with them. I know that not everyone likes to pray out loud, but it does help in making your husband feel respected.
3. Follow him. God has made the husband the leader in the home. God did not ask anyone if that was a good idea or not. He set this hierarchy up in the Garden of Eden when He created Eve from Adam’s rib. Again, I believe a wife has the responsibility to share her desires and her needs. But, in the end, it is the responsibility for the husband to lead.
4. Have sex with him. Men feel respected when their advances are accepted. This is why so many men feel they need sex more is because they do not feel respected in their relationship with their wife.
There are other ways to help your husband feel respected. Tell him what he does well or what he does right. Encourage him to improve in areas that he needs to improve in.
Women, if you want your husband to realize that his marriage is very fulfilling you need to respect him. Ask him if he feels respected by you. Ask him how you can respect him more. It will bring both of you more satisfaction.

Financial Security for your Wife

October 11, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Have you ever noticed how many arguments take place in marriage that deal with finances? These arguments might happen on pay days or when bills are paid or maybe at the most inopportune times. These arguments are started because there is not enough money for things that we think we need or maybe because there is not enough money even to pay the bills. Money is a major contributor to conflict in today’s marriages. How can we prevent these arguments from taking place? How do we function as a couple or a family in light of all the financial needs and problems that arise?
Part of the security needs of a woman is in the financial area of her life. Many women like money…they like to spend money…they like nice things…they feel safe when there is money in the bank. Women’s level of security or insecurity can be found in how much money they have or don’t have. (Again, I am speaking in generalities. Not all women are the same.) Men, where is your wife in the money issue? Does she seem to spend money regardless of what else is happening? Does she get angry because there is not any money for her to spend? Is she upset because there is no money in savings or that you are in major debt? All of these questions can describe a single woman. Maybe your wife is not that complex and only one of the questions relate to her. I also realize that there might be more questions to ask for each wife.
So what can we do? I do not know where you are financially. I know where I am. I started a new ministry a couple years ago after being in a full-time associate pastorate for a large church. My salary was cut by about 66%. I am not complaining. I am just stating a fact. I also know how much fear was associated with my changing ministries, not only for me but also my wife, Lisa. I know what our conversations were all about and even the few arguments that ensued. Don’t worry, I’m not going to air my personal life with everyone. I just know that the past couple of years has been a trial for Lisa and me as we have had to really watch some things about our spending that we had become accustomed to not worrying about previously.
So here are some things that are needed to help your wife feel secure with you financially.
1. Pray about your finances together. Men, we need to be praying with our wives daily. Part of our prayers need to be for God’s provision in our lives. When our wives hear us pray specifically for certain things financially, they know that we are truly trusting God for those specifics.
2. Talk about your finances together. l know many women who are actually better at keeping a checkbook than men. I know women who like numbers and can crunch them very well because they are proned to be detail oriented. We need to include our wives in the financial process of our homes.
3. Budget. I know that this is an ugly word with many people. I also know that using a budget can feel like a chore for people. But, I also know that using a budget helps you keep a record of all of your spending and allows you to be able to use your money appropriately.
4. Tithe. Yes, this could have been the first statement on this list. Yes, I am a Baptist preacher who believes that everyone will have financial problems if they do not tithe. I believe that tithing is very important in our relationship with God as well as our spouse. This principle needs to become a priority for you as a couple to work toward creating the security your wife so needs.
These statements are just a couple of items that will help you create a secure financial environment for your wife as well as for you. I could suggest several more items that would go along with many of the Christian financial teachers that are popular today. I truly hope that you find these suggestions helpful in your marriage.

Sexual Security

October 10, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Yesterday I wrote The Woman’s Greatest Need in Marriage and I finished by giving a list of the areas women need security. Today I would like to discuss the area of sexual security for a woman and how a husband can make his wife feel secure sexually.

We live in a very sexually charged society. We cannot drive down the road without seeing sexually explicit billboards. We’ve all heard the adage that sex sells. Well everything from the beer companies to the car companies believes that statement. When we turn on the TV we see all kinds of degrees of sexual content from the commercials to the shows themselves. Even when we open our mailboxes, there can be ads that are not the most wholesome. So what do we do about all of this in our marriages?

Women, for the most part, are very conscientious about their bodies. They have been comparing themselves to photos and other women most of their lives. Do I look as good as so-and-so? How do I compare to ________? I don’t like this area of my body or any part of my body. Then they see the models or the ads and it can create even more frustration and insecurity than ever before. If a woman has a baby, her body changes and then more insecurities can be felt. As a woman gets older, insecurities can prevail in her thinking.

Wow, when we start thinking about how a woman can feel about herself, we can see how difficult it is to maintain security in our relationship with them. So how do we maintain security in our sexual lives with our wives?

Having Eyes just for them. We need to be cautious of who we look at and how we look. I realize that many men do not think that it is wrong to look at other women. I have been told, “even though I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” I can tell you that an attitude like that does not create a secure atmosphere for a wife. Men, we need to focus on making sure that we do not stare, gawk or really even look at someone else. Even the TV shows that we watch can create insecurity for our wives. How do we respond to commercials or to how the people are dressed in the programs that we watch are very important. A lot of the time, I close my eyes or look at my wife during certain commercials or programs. She then tells me when I can look. This action by me helps my wife feel secure in our relationship.

Job 31:1 (NASB)
¹“I have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?

Matthew 5:28 (NASB)
²⁸but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

NO PORN!! I realize that this one is similar to the first one, but I want to reiterate this point. Pornography is demeaning to women. Your wife believes that she cannot compete with the women in the pictures and would not be able to perform as those women perform in the videos. If you want your wife to feel secure with you, you cannot be involved in such behavior.
Complement your wife. Tell her that you find her attractive. Tell her what you like about her body in flattering ways. Do not talk nasty. Most women again find this demeaning. I know that I am talking in generalities, but most of the time they are right.

Song of Songs 4:1 (NASB)
¹“How beautiful you are, my darling, How beautiful you are! Your eyes are like doves behind your veil; Your hair is like a flock of goats That have descended from Mount Gilead.

Talk about Sex. Talk about her needs and desires. Let her tell you what she likes. Let her guide you. It will be probably more enjoyable for you as well as for her. Tell her what you want and need. Wait for her response. Don’t force her to try something that she is uncomfortable with.

I know that these are just a few suggestions and there can be so much more written. I would love to hear how you can add to this.

4 Keys for a Successful Dating Relationship in Marriage