Have you ever noticed how many arguments take place in marriage that deal with finances? These arguments might happen on pay days or when bills are paid or maybe at the most inopportune times. These arguments are started because there is not enough money for things that we think we need or maybe because there is not enough money even to pay the bills. Money is a major contributor to conflict in today’s marriages. How can we prevent these arguments from taking place? How do we function as a couple or a family in light of all the financial needs and problems that arise?
Part of the security needs of a woman is in the financial area of her life. Many women like money…they like to spend money…they like nice things…they feel safe when there is money in the bank. Women’s level of security or insecurity can be found in how much money they have or don’t have. (Again, I am speaking in generalities. Not all women are the same.) Men, where is your wife in the money issue? Does she seem to spend money regardless of what else is happening? Does she get angry because there is not any money for her to spend? Is she upset because there is no money in savings or that you are in major debt? All of these questions can describe a single woman. Maybe your wife is not that complex and only one of the questions relate to her. I also realize that there might be more questions to ask for each wife.
So what can we do? I do not know where you are financially. I know where I am. I started a new ministry a couple years ago after being in a full-time associate pastorate for a large church. My salary was cut by about 66%. I am not complaining. I am just stating a fact. I also know how much fear was associated with my changing ministries, not only for me but also my wife, Lisa. I know what our conversations were all about and even the few arguments that ensued. Don’t worry, I’m not going to air my personal life with everyone. I just know that the past couple of years has been a trial for Lisa and me as we have had to really watch some things about our spending that we had become accustomed to not worrying about previously.
So here are some things that are needed to help your wife feel secure with you financially.
1. Pray about your finances together. Men, we need to be praying with our wives daily. Part of our prayers need to be for God’s provision in our lives. When our wives hear us pray specifically for certain things financially, they know that we are truly trusting God for those specifics.
2. Talk about your finances together. l know many women who are actually better at keeping a checkbook than men. I know women who like numbers and can crunch them very well because they are proned to be detail oriented. We need to include our wives in the financial process of our homes.
3. Budget. I know that this is an ugly word with many people. I also know that using a budget can feel like a chore for people. But, I also know that using a budget helps you keep a record of all of your spending and allows you to be able to use your money appropriately.
4. Tithe. Yes, this could have been the first statement on this list. Yes, I am a Baptist preacher who believes that everyone will have financial problems if they do not tithe. I believe that tithing is very important in our relationship with God as well as our spouse. This principle needs to become a priority for you as a couple to work toward creating the security your wife so needs.
These statements are just a couple of items that will help you create a secure financial environment for your wife as well as for you. I could suggest several more items that would go along with many of the Christian financial teachers that are popular today. I truly hope that you find these suggestions helpful in your marriage.
Thank you for this post. Speaking as a wife who is good at the number crunching thing and doesn’t mind living by a budget within our means, I do know one other thing I’d add about finances. Even if you wife is NOT the kind who has a big “financial security” need, it is going to add some love deposits if you have some means by which to meet that need. In other words, even if her need is pretty small, don’t feel like “Whew!” and leave that burden on her shoulders. If she has to carry the financial burden by herself, it is kind of much for a woman’s spirit, so be the stronger one and honor her by providing for her.
Thank you Cindy for your insight.