Friendship in Marriage

The past couple of days I have been writing on communication, which is probably the most common issue that I see in my office while counseling couples. Another common problem is that couples that are struggling do not ever have any fun together. Now I am not talking about their sexual relationship. I am talking about just enjoying life together and having fun together. Their friendship is lacking. Each of the partners has friends that they like to have fun with. Guys liking to get together to watch football, go hunting, play golf, etc. while the women go shopping, go to the movies, or whatever together. The couple just does not spend any recreational time together.
I am not against having friends that we do things together with. Matter of fact, I encourage it. I believe that our relationships with others can enhance our relationship with our spouse. What I do I have a problem with is that we spend more time with our other friends and not have any time with our best friend. I know a lot of guys who think they can hang out with their buddies while their wife is at home with the kids and then expect her to respond favorably to his romantic advances. Most of the time, his expectations are not met.
One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the companion need. I know that Adam was the only person when God created Eve, but the principle is still applicable. We need our mate to be our companion, not just our sexual partner.
How do we accomplish this? How do we maintain a friendship with our mate throughout our marriage? A couple of things come to mind as I think about this subject.
1. Date regularly. Many of the marriage books recommend dating once per week. I know that can be expensive, yet can be very profitable for our marriages. I recommend doing things on dates that are not that expensive like going on picnics if you can take a lunch date. If you have children, maybe you can find another couple to switch out for childcare.
2. Find a common hobby. So many people like to do things that their mate does not like to do. I am not telling anyone not to hunt, fish, play golf, shop, or anything else their mate doesn’t like. What I am saying that there needs to be a common hobby; something that both of you would like to do together.
3. Do what your mate wants to do. I read about an avid golfer who was asked to play on a very exclusive course on day, but he told his friends no because he was going to the Art Museum. The response was “I didn’t know you were into art.” The golfer said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.”
These are just a few suggestions. There are many others that help keep the friendship going such as laughing together, touching daily, and then again just talking to each other.
Being friends is very important when you are on the journey of your lifetime called marriage. It really makes the journey go a lot easier.