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Selfishness Is Deadly

October 15, 2014 By bwatson 3 Comments

 
 

This month the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association is asking their members to write on Words of Wisdom from different sources.  The first subject was from a family member.  The second is from The Bible.  My blog on Monday was my offering on the family.  This blog covers the subject of Words of Wisdom from the Bible.  Watch for the next two during the next couple of weeks.

Philippians234

SelfishnessAs a Biblical Counselor, this is one of my favorite passages to use while counseling couples.  We live in such a selfish and self-seeking society, that these words can be foreign in our relationships.  I have had many couples share with me that my secular counterparts even encourage selfishness in marriage.  Their goal is to help their client find happiness for themselves as well as to seek their own personal interests.  I could not disagree with this philosophy more.  I believe that the Bible teaches something quite the opposite of selfishness.

If you are a Bible scholar, let me assure you that I know that these verses are primarily addressing the situation within the church at Philippi.  Paul was teaching the need for unity within the body of Christ and he was emphasizing selflessness and humility to help meet that need.  The verses that follow these two discuss our need to follow Christ’s humility.  I do not believe that I am taking these verses out of context when I apply them to marriage as marriage is also a relationship that is built on the covenantal love of Christ.  In Ephesians 5, Paul compare the marriage to the church; therefore, I believe that the characteristics of the church can apply to the marriage relationship.  With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s examine what is being said in these verses and how to apply them to our marriages.

Paul begins this sentence by telling the Christian to avoid selfishness.  Satan was selfish when he rejected God’s plan and attempted to promote himself over God. (Isaiah 14:12-17)  Satan tempted Eve, while Adam stood next to her, with selfishness.  (Gen. 3)  Selfishness is at the root of our sinful behavior.  Selfishness is also at the root of most, if not all, problems in marriage.  Think about it for a moment.  Affairs are based on selfish desires.  Monetary conflicts are tied to selfishness.  And I could continue with any area of marriage that contains conflict.  I even heard a wife tell her husband that she did not desire to endure his illness and so she left him.  At that moment, she was thinking about herself…not God, nor her husband.

The opposite of selfishness is selflessness and humility.  Jesus tells us to die to ourselves.  Paul says that we are crucified with Christ.  If I listed every verse that taught against selfishness, I would be writing for several pages.  The idea of dying to ourselves carries the notion that we will live for something else.  Obviously, the something else is Christ.  Christ lived his life in such a way that we can follow HIs example in order to be pleasing to God.

The next phrase of this passage tells us to consider others more important than ourselves.  Romans 12:10 also tells us to be devoted to one another and honor one another.  In the context of your marriage, do you treat your spouse with honor and devotion?  Do you let them know that they are more important than you are?  Men, this does not mean that you are removed from being the head of the relationship.  Women, this does not mean that you are not to submit to your husband’s leadership.  This does mean that you are to look for ways to meet the needs of your spouse before you consider your needs.

Verse 4 basically explains verse 3.  As humans, we are going to make sure that our needs are met.  We make sure that we are fed and clothed.  Our basic needs are tended to most of the time and we pretty much look after that for ourselves.  This verse is telling us to consider the needs and interests of others before our own.  In your marriage, a simple way to see you have this attitude is by examining where you go out to eat each time.  Do you only insist on going to yoServe Like Jesusur favorite restaurant?  Are you willing to go to your spouse’s favorite restaurant, even if you do not like it?  Yes, this might be a silly illustration.  Yet, this illustration can show if you are selfish in your marriage.

Selfishness will kill your marriage.  Living out these two verses, along with others, will move you away from being selfish to being a servant to your spouse.  Jesus came to serve us, therefore we should serve our mates in the same way.

How can you tell when you are being selfish?

Brad 2014

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

 

CMBA

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A Meaningful Father – Son Conversation

October 13, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

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This past week I had the opportunity to go home to sit with my dad while he was in the hospital.  I got to sit with him during the night times while my mom stayed with him during the day time.  Over the past few years, I have had this opportunity several times.  This time was different as I was alone with my dad a great deal of the time.  We talked about a lot of different topics from sports, family, health, and marriage.  Our relationship over the years focused on primarily sports and work.  My dad took me to professional and college sporting events from as long as I can remember.  I grew up going to see the Houston Astros when Caesar Cedeno, Bob Watson, and Roger Metzger played. (Just to name a few of the players I remember.)  My dad took me to see the Houston Rockets play back when they played in the Hoffeinz Pavilion.  Rudy T was the player I remember the most along with Moses Malone when he played for the Rockets.  I know that my memory is not as good as it ought to be when it comes to players.  In December of 1971, my dad and I got to go see the Cowboys play when Texas Stadium first opened.  Craig Morton and Roger Staubach rotated as quarterback most of that season.  Calvin Hill was the running back.  I realize that I could continue to talk about all the players my dad took me to go see as I was growing up.  Most of our relationship was built around sports.  I am not saying that my dad has not been a great dad.  He not only took me to many ball games of all kinds, he also taught me the importance of going to church and doing for others.

There were two times this past week that I felt were the most important parts of the time with my dad.

  1. He talked about his relationship with my mom, his wife.  He told me about the first time he saw my mom on the college campus.  He said that the first time he saw her, he told the individual that he was with that she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.  As he was talking about that day, he lit up like a Christmas tree.  He continued talking about how he knew that God had put her into his life and that she was God’s gift to him for the rest of his life.  So far they have been married for 61 years.  What a legacy that he has given me.
  2. During the couple of nights that I stayed with him, he began talking to me about who I am.  He commented on my willingness to stay with him and meet his needs while I was there.  He actually made the statement “You didn’t get that from me.”  I am not sure that was a true statement as I have seen him serve others in a lot of different ways.  His statements to me were very humbling as he has always been someone that I have looked up to over my life.

The importance of these conversations to me hopefully will help me be a better dad and husband.  To hear my dad talk about how God has given him a wife as a gift so many years ago reinforces my perspective of my wife.  My wife is also a gift from God.  As long as you have that perspective, you can have the endurance to go the distance in marriage.  Life can be very difficult at times.  During those difficulties, you need a strong foundation.  That foundation has to be built on God and His involvement in your marriage.  My dad shared with me his private relationship with God.  This was a first time for that.  I have always known that my dad was a Christian, but this past week he made it very personal.  Again, he allowed me a close look at his foundation.  I hope that I can share my life with my children in a way that will help build their foundations.

Brad 2014Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

 

CMBA

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