Understanding Your Wife

Many days in my counseling ministry I hear about how women feel their husbands do not understand them. When I make a statement about what it means to understand their wives, usually the women cry because for the first time in a long time they feel they are heard and understood. Now I’m not bragging because I am not the best husband or the best counselor. I have to admit that God gives me discernment and wisdom as I ask for them. I have to give Him the credit for,what happens in my office because without Him I couldn’t do what I do. This blog is not about how I counsel, but rather how men are supposed to understand their wives. How do men understand their wives when there are several differences in how we are created?
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 NASB)
The Bible tells us to understand our wives, which seems to be an impossible task when women do not understand everything about themselves. The word that is translated understanding deals with the idea of being considerate and sensitive of their deepest physical and emotional needs. When I talk about emotional needs, I lose a lot of men because men have a very difficult time with emotions. The only emotion many men know is anger and they express that in inappropriate ways. That’s another subject for another day. Women function through their emotions mostly. They desire their man to care with them about the same things. I do not ask men to have the same emotion as their wives but I do ask men to care about their wives. Now how do we do this? We ask questions. These questions need to focus on how our wives feel. Men think analytically and not emotionally. It is a challenge for us to even ask about emotions. When she begins to talk about her emotions, we can begin to tune out. When we tune out, we tell our wives that we don’t care about them. Is it OK for your wife to cry and you not understand why she’s crying? Or do you tell her that she doesn’t have any reason to cry? What do you think she hears by that? The main thing she hears is that she is not cared about. Another way we can show our wives we understand them is by making sure we show them consideration. When they ask us to do something or not do something, we need to pay attention to their requests. I was told by a wife that her husband always tells her that she over-reacts to what he watches on TV. He is always watching shows that show scantily clothed women and it really makes his wife feel inadequate as a woman and a wife. She totally feels misunderstood. That conversation was so similar to others I have on a regular basis. Men, it is important that we show consideration to our wives desires and needs. When we learn how to do this, our relationship with our wives will improve greatly!