This week being Books or Blogs has been difficult for me to decide which book I wanted to reference. I have read so many books on marriage over the years and each one has merit and has added value to my marriage. After what seemed to be a long time of consideration, I have chosen a book that I have not ever seen in a book store. I had the privilege of hearing the author speak at an AACC World Conference several years ago and I have been recommending the book ever since. The book is Sacred Sex by Tim Gardner. He explains in the introduction of the book, “If you’re looking for a new erogenous zone, a medical breakthrough for prolonging orgasm, or a way to have fabulous sex every time the notion crosses your mind, you have the wrong book.” There are many books that help with some of those topics. The Generous Husband references one of those books in his blog Monday.
I believe the purpose of Sacred Sex is found in this paragraph: “God designed marital sex to be an encounter with the divine. Sexual intimacy, with all of its overwhelming emotions and heart-pounding sensations, was never intended to be experienced solely in the emotional and physical realms. Rather, it is to be a spiritual, even mystical, experience in which two bodies become one. God is present in a very real way every time this happens.”
Too many times, we bring all of our unholy experiences and beliefs about sex into our marriage. Satan has tricked us in believing his lies about the sexual relationship. We act on those lies. Therefore, we have an extremely difficult time removing that baggage from our minds and allowing God to transform us into the Garden experience…”naked and unashamed.”
To begin moving toward the intention God had for the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, we need to…
- Ask God to forgive us of our sexual sins in the past. Be honest with God about your past. He knows everything already. He is asking you to agree with Him that any sexual experience outside of marriage was a sin. He wants to cleanse you from that unrighteousness and make you whole. Confession is a must!
- Forgive yourself for your sexual past. Included in us forgiving ourselves is receiving God’s forgiveness. Too many times we allow our sin and our past to define us as people. God wants to define us through Christ and His righteousness, not our unrighteousness. Forgiving yourself also means that you release the guilt of your past. Again, seek to see yourself as God sees you.
- Confess to your spouse. Yes, I believe that you need to share with your spouse about your sexual experience before marriage. No, I do not believe you need to share all the “gory” details. I am referring to being honest and not hiding anything.
- Seek forgiveness from your spouse for any inappropriate sexual experiences before marriage between the two of you. Even if you are engaged to be married, sex before marriage is wrong. Confess this to God and to each other. Forgive each other and receive God’s forgiveness.
- Pray about your sexual lives together. Realize that God intends your sexual union to be holy. He makes it holy. Invite Him into your bedroom. You invite Him into other aspects of your marriage, why not the sexual union? I know that this sounds weird and maybe even perverted. I assure you that God will be pleased that you are wanting your physical intimacy to be pleasing to Him as well as to each other.
Following these five steps will enhance your sexual relationship and deepen your intimacy throughout your marriage .What book or blogs have you read that have brought value to your marriage?
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.