To continue my series of blogs on “How Can I Get My Spouse To Love Me Again,” I want to turn the attention to the men who need to reconnect with their wives. As I have talked to different couples, many women have told me that they “are not in love with their husbands.” This statement devastates most of the men that hear this for the first time. It has happened that the wife waited to get into my office to tell her husband her feelings. Those appointments have been extremely difficult to work through. Most of them end with the man asking “How can I get my wife to love me again?” Here are some suggestions that have helped many men to win their wives back.
1. Love Your Wife Sacrificially. Ephesians 5:25 (NASB95)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
The word for love in this verse is the same word that is used in John 3:16. God loves us so much that He gave His Son for us to have eternal life. Christ loved the church so much that He died on the cross so that we could have eternal life. Understand that the sacrifice that was made cannot be repaid. It was made without the thought of being paid back. As husbands, we too must be sacrificial in our love for our wives. We should not be guilty of only doing things so that things can be done for us. We need to show our wives that we are unselfish when it comes to loving them. This type of love can be difficult to obtain. We live in a performance-based society and people are judged by how they look or what they do. The people around us continually show their acceptance with this mentality, and if we are not careful we can get caught up with the same ideas. As husbands, we must lose that mentality and love our wives unconditionally and sacrificially.
2. Lead Your Wife Well. God chose the husband to be “the head” of the relationship. (I Cor. 11:3) As leaders, we must take that role seriously. This thought does not give us permission to be bullies or dictators. What it means is that we must be the ones that can be counted on. We must make ultimate decisions for the marriage and take responsibility for those decisions. This does not mean that we tell our wives what to do. Nor does it mean that our wives do not have a voice in what takes place in the marriage. God holds the husband responsible as the leader in the marriage. When we have weaknesses, we must be willing to ask for help and make the corrections that need to be made. When our wives are better or smarter in areas of the relationship, we are to delegate to them. But we are still the leaders. Sanctus Real sings a song entitled, Lead Me, which explains this thought.Lead me with strong hands Stand up when I can’t Don’t leave me hungry for love Chasing dreams, but what about us?
You can listen to the song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc.
3. Listen To Your Wife’s Needs, Fears, Desires, and Dreams. We men are not always good listeners. I have heard many men say that they have selective hearing, especially when it comes to their wives talking to them. Your wife needs to know that you care about her. Yes, she probably knows that you care about her to an extent. But does she really know that you love her? You are wanting to motivate her to “fall in love with you again.” Pay attention to what she is saying to you. Care about what she cares about. On a marriage seminar tape that I once watched, the leader of the seminar told of the story when he turned down a big golf outing with his friends to take his wife to a art museum. His friend said “I didn’t know you were into art.” The leader replied, “I’m not. I’m into my wife and she’s into art.” Men, I am not trying to get you to lose your masculinity. God created us to be masculine. Don’t ever lose that. But take the time to listen to your wife. Ask her questions about what she means and why she feels the way she does. When you do that, your wife will feel like you truly care about her.
These steps will help you create an environment of love in your home. If you are genuine in these steps, your wife should respond to you in love and respect. The next blog will continue explaining how you as a man can create the environment in which your wife will feel loved.
I would love for you to join the discussion. Please leave your comment in the section below.
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.