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Relieving Holiday Stress

November 14, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Originally posted Nov. 15, 2102.  Good reminders for the upcoming holiday season.

Thanksgiving TurkeyThe holiday season is upon us. With it comes parties and gatherings along with travel and gift giving. Wow! So much to think about and so much to do. How do we handle the stress of the holidays? How do we manage to juggle the different needs and desires that come along with what is supposed to be The Most Wonderful Time of The Year?

Many people do not look forward to the holidays because of the painful memories that are associated with this time of year: divorces, deaths of loved ones, past hurts, etc. Many people have fears of what the holidays might bring. Because of the seasonal times, many people are depressed during the holidays. All of these issues can bring added stress to the holidays. So again, let me ask, “How do we handle the stress of the holidays?”

I have a few suggestions that might help you as you think about the upcoming events that can crowd our calendars.

1.  Make a plan. Sit down with your family with a calendar and talk about the upcoming events. Prioritize the events as:

  • Mandatory
  • Best if attend
  • Good if attend
  • Want to attend but not important
  • Don’t need to attend

Now you might think that everything is mandatory for you to attend. I admit that family events are very important, but sometimes hard decisions need to be made for what is the most important concerning your needs for the time. If your calendar is too crowded with events over the holidays, you can feel overwhelmed and stressed which will cause a great deal of problems for you and you will not enjoy the season at all.

2.  Make a budget. Again, sit down with you family and talk about what you can afford. Many people spend more money during this time of the year then they do any other time. Many people go into debt over Christmas, which creates many more problems in the future. Some questions that need to be answered:

  • Can we afford to travel?
  • What can we afford to purchase for each person that we buy for?
  • Can we afford to bring gifts to every party?
  • How can we do what we want to do without borrowing money?

ChristmasI know that I am asking difficult questions. I know that I ask hard questions. Some of you might think that they are unrealistic and that is fine. Everyone chooses to celebrate the holidays in a way that they want, many times without consideration of how it is affecting their family and their relationships with others much less how it will affect their finances.

3. Communicate your plan. Tell your extended family and your friends what you will be doing during the holidays. Tell them the truth about the decisions you have made. Most of the time, family and friends will understand your decisions when they are communicated properly.

I know that so much is expected during the holidays. There are family parties, work parties, school events, along with church gatherings. I know that everyone wants to do everything, go everywhere, and give as much as possible. I am giving you some suggestions to help you eliminate as much stress as possible during them. When the stress levels are down, the enjoyment levels are much higher.

Brad 2014

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

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38 Questions To Define Your Expectations

November 5, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Several months ago, I attended a marriage conference at our church that was led by Steve and Debbie Wilson.  They began the conference talking about expectations in marriage and gave three statements that explain the problems with expectations.

  • Unspoken Expectations lead to discouragement.
  • Unmet Expectations lead to disappointment.
  • Unreasonable Expectation lead to defeat.

With these statements in mind, let’s look at some questions that will help define our expectations in our marriages.

When we get married, most of the time we carry a suitcase full of expectations.  Some of those expectations are good and others are not so good.  In every marriage and pre-marriage counseling situation, I ask the couple to share their expectations of marriage.  I ask them to write them down and be as specific as they possibly can be.  I encourage them to think about the different areas of the marriage relationship and write out expectations in each area.  Most of the time couples bring back a list that includes:

  • I expect to love and be loved.
  • I expect to be best friends.
  • I expect to be able to trust my spouse.
  • I expect us to work together.

These are good expectations, but they are also very generic.  Here is a list that I have started giving to couples to help with this exercise.

questions in marriage

Questions To Define Your Expectations

Kitchen: 

  1. Who buys the groceries?
  2. Who cooks?
  3. Who cleans?
  4. Do we eat at the table as a family?
  5. How often do we eat out?

Chores:

  1. Who washes clothes?
  2. Will we have a schedule for washing clothes?
  3. Who keeps up the yard?
  4. Who cleans the house?
  5. Do the children have chores?
  6. Do the children get an allowance?
  7. How often do we vacuum, mop, etc.?

Budget:

  1. Do both spouses work outside of the home?
  2. Do we use credit cards?
  3. Do we save?
  4. Do we have separate accounts or a joint account?
  5. Do we plan for vacations or trips?
  6. Who pays the bills?
  7. Who balances the checkbook?
  8. What do we buy on credit?

Children:

  1. When do we start having children?
  2. How many children do we want?
  3. How will we discipline our children?
  4. How will we educate our children?
  5. How many outside activities will they participate in?

Romance:

  1. How often will we have date night?
  2. How often will we plan a weekend w/o kids?
  3. How often will we have sex?
  4. What are the limits to our sexual activities?

Extended Family:

  1. How often will we visit our parents?
  2. If we live in the same town, how often will we visit?
  3. If we live in separate towns, how often will we visit?
  4. What type of help will we expect from them?
  5. How much influence will we allow them to have on our relationship?
  6. If grandparents are living, the same questions apply.

Personal Time:

  1. How much time will my hobby take up?
  2. Will I have a guys/girls night out?  How often?
  3. How much alone time do I need?

There can be so many more questions that you can ask and answer to help you identify your expectations.  Talking about your expectations will help you eliminate a great deal of the conflict in your marriage.

What questions would you ask as you discuss your expectations?

Brad 2014

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

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