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4 Keys for a Successful Dating Relationship in Marriage

February 11, 2015 By bwatson 12 Comments

Counselors, bloggers, and marriage educators have been talking about dating for married couples for the past several years.  I remember hearing about dating as a married couple in the 1980’s really for the first time.  My parents would go to functions and get us a baby sitter but I guess that I never considered them going on dates.  What I do remember was that they would go to church functions or work events.  Every once in a while, they would go to a concert at the college or a community play.  While I’m thinking about it, yes they went on a few dates while I was growing up.  They just did not talk about dating as a couple.

Dating is important at any stage in the marriage relationship.  If you are newlyweds, you might think that every day is a date.  You are still excited about being around each other and you are not worried about the “cares” of everyday life yet.  You play and joke and just enjoy being together.  If you are parents of children, dating becomes more difficult.  You have to find a sitter.  You are more tired because of work and taking care of the kids.  Your children have different activities to get to and you are their taxi drivers.  Just remembering those days is making me tired.   Maybe you are like me and my wife:  empty-nesters.  Dating can still be challenging because of work schedules, fatigue from work itself, or financial crises, not to mention babysitting grandkids.  Every stage of married life needs dating to be a part of it, yet each stage carries its own set of struggles to accomplish dating.  How do we have a successful dating relationship while we are married?Romantic Evening 2

  1. Schedule a date night.  Obviously once a week would be best for this.  Some schedules do not allow for that as well as some budgets would not allow it.  Therefore, schedule a date night at least once per month.  Put it on your calendar.  Budget for it.  Make it a priority to your relationship.
  2. Be creative with your dates.  Try not to get into a rut of what a date is for you.  I know that this can be difficult in some communities, but work together to broaden your scope for dating.  I confess that this is a problem for me.  I think that all dates should include a sit-down dinner at a restaurant.  I am trying to expand my thoughts to something more imaginative.
  3. Be attentive on your dates.  Put the phone away.  If you are sitting a table in a restaurant, sit across from each other so you can look at each other.  Talk to your mate.  Laugh and cut up together.  Play footsies under the table.  When you spend time looking at your phone, your spouse thinks he/she is not important.  I have started giving my phone to my wife when we go out on a date.  That way she can control if it gets answered and I will not be tempted to play games or text while we are on the date.
  4. Alternate choosing the dates.  If you always choose what you are going to do on the date, let your spouse plan the date.  You might be surprised at what they want to do.  I have encouraged couples to rotate each month for the dates.  The man plans all the dates for this month and the woman plans all the dates for next month.  Neither person can complain about the choices for the dates.  This allows for more variety in the dates as well as takes the pressure off of any one person to decide on each date.

We need to keep our marriage fresh and spontaneous through dating.

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Each one of us need to be actively dating our spouse.  We need to keep our marriage fresh and spontaneous through dating.  I hope that these suggestions of how to have a successful dating relationship in your marriage is helpful to you.

What would you add to the suggestions?

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Date Night

August 25, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Let’s go on a trip down memory lane to before you got married.  Maybe you were in college like me and my wife.  Maybe you met while in high school or even before that like some couples I know.  Think about that first time you saw your future mate.  How did you act?  Where you all suave and debonair?  Maybe you were shy and coy.  Think about those days.  Think about the Holding Handsfun that you had together; how much you laughed together and actually did crazy things together.  You might have gone on long walks around the campus or picnics in near by parks.  Climbed trees together and took a lot of pictures.  Maybe you enjoyed going to nice restaurants and getting dressed up.  You might have even brought flowers from time to time.  What happened to those days?  I know, life happens.  It’s kind of like that old children’s rhyme we used to say on the playground when two people liked each other:  “K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Susie with a baby carriage.”  Jobs, bills, children, and the daily routine (or rut) of everyday life.

Genesis 26:8 (NLT)

8 But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah.  (bolding mine)

How can you break that rut in your marriage?  Can you bring a sense of romance back into your lives?  What about just having fun together?

Date NightMany of the renown Christian Marriage Counselors suggest having a date night every week.  I know from my own experience that can be somewhat prohibitive because of finances and baby sitting requirements.  But the suggestion is a very good one.  It helps both of you to know that your relationship is a priority in your lives.  The same counselors encourage you to take a weekend off together several times a year.  Again, I understand the money constraints and the kids but setting time and money aside for such events will strengthen you relationship greatly.  Do you need a time together?

Here are some benefits of setting aside a night or day just for you as a couple.

  1. You get away from it all.  Sometimes you need to be reminded that you are a couple and not just bread winners and parents.  Or house keepers, taxi drivers, etc.  You need time to be friends and lovers.  You need time to relax and enjoy yourselves.
  2. You can reconnect.  During your date, you will want to talk about things that are enjoyable and fun.  You don’t need to talk about the problems.  What brought you together to start with?  What attracted you to each other?  What do you have in common, besides the bills and kids?Date Night 3
  3. You can be crazy.  Many jobs do not allow you to relax and they can be very stressful.  Take you spouse to a place that crazy is acceptable.  Be playful and release those tensions.
    Again enjoy yourselves.
  4. You can go places that are not that kid friendly.  No, I’m not talking about anything ugly or dirty.  I’m talking about going to a nice sit down restaurant and not just McDonald’s or Chucky Cheese’s or other places that love kids and have playgrounds, etc.  Sometimes you or your spouse will want to get dressed up and have someone else to serve you.  You will want food that comes on a nice plate with real silverware and cloth napkins instead of paper wrappers and paper napkins.  It can be fun and relaxing not to have to worry your little people for an evening.

These are just a few benefits.  I’m sure you can think of many more.  The most important idea about date night and get away weekends is to be together.  You begin to focus more and more on each other and the routine doesn’t seem so unbearable.

What benefits have you found in having a date night?  Leave your comments in the section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

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