3 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband

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How many people remember Rodney Dangerfield? His famous line was “I don’t get no respect.” Many men feel just as Mr. Dangerfield said that he did. I have heard that in my office on many occasions. Even recently as a wife was telling me how she was all alone and that she had to face parenting, working, and other issues in her life by herself, her husband just asked the question “Where am I in this equation? Am I even in the top ten things you think about?” What I heard him say, “I don’t feel respected by you at all.”

Respect is the need of a man in a relationship. Men get respect in what they accomplish and then in their relationships. Many men do not accomplish what they think they should have in their jobs and feel like they are stuck in life, so what do they do? They look for adventure. Most of the time in the wrong places.

Wives, you play an important part in the life of your husband. God tells you to respect you husband. Not everyone deserves the respect which I address in 5 Ways to Earn Respect in Your Marriage. In our relationship, we are to treat our spouse as unto Christ (Eph. 5:21). We love or respect because of what God tells us to do, not necessarily because the other person deserves it.

So how can you show respect to your husband?

  1. Verbally: Your words are conveyors of how you truly feel; therefore, when you speak you are sharing what is on the inside of you.
    • Directly to your husband. Nagging and complaining to your husband about his deficiencies and his mistakes inform him that you do not respect him. After a while of only hearing negative words from his wife, the man will eventually find someone that will say something positive about him.
    • To your friends: I asked a lady in a church that I served several years ago why she didn’t attend any of the Women’s Ministry events. She told me that she was not going anywhere that the women bashed their husbands. It was not a positive influence on her marriage. Talking about your husband negatively in public will disrespect him because what is said about him usually gets back to him.
    • Let me encourage you to think of things that you can respect your husband for. Does he go to work faithfully? Is he home when he says he will be? Does he take care of the children? Let him know how you respect him. He probably knows why you don’t respect him.
  2. Actually: What can you can do to show respect to your husband? The Bible informs couples that the husband is the head of the wife. He is to be the leader in the home. Many men are not good spiritual leaders, yet that is still their role. If a wife usurps that leadership, the husband feels disrespected.
  3. Sexually: The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is one of the greatest areas a man feels the most respected. He desires to know that he is “enough” for his wife and that she is satisfied with him.
    • Respond to his advances. I don’t believe that the wife has to say “yes” every time her husband wants to have sex. There are many factors involved in that, but she needs to respond positively to him. She doesn’t need to just say yes out of obligation but rather because she wants to. Be an active participant with your husband, not a passive one. He feels more respected the more you participate.
    • Make Advances. This statement immediately creates questions for many women. Their sex drive is not as strong as their husbands. They might want sex, but are uncomfortable asking or initiating. It is their nature to respond but not initiate. This initiation is not to be all the time, but there are times that your husband needs to feel respected and you initiating sex would help build his respect levels.

The Importance of Respect to Your Husband

Your husband’s number one need in his life is to feel respected. The command that a wife is given by God is to respect her husband. These three areas of life will help you give your husband the respect that he needs.

How are you doing at respecting your husband? What are some ways that you show your husband respect that will add to this? I would love to read your responses.

5 Ways to Earn Respect in Your Marriage

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“I can’t get my husband to do anything around the house!”

“All my husband does is sit around watching TV while I work in the kitchen or try to help the kids with their homework.”

“I work, too, you know. Why don’t you ever help me with the work that has to be done in the house?”

“My husband leaves all of his clothes lying around the house and never puts them in the laundry basket.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar? I have heard these and many more in my office. Most of the time, the husband wants the wife to quit nagging about his behavior. He often will state that he doesn’t need a momma telling him what to do. This argument has been going on for decades since WWII when women really started working outside of the home in the factories.

Now this is not a blog on whether the wife should work outside of the home or not. That totally depends on the needs of the family.

I am addressing the issue of the man living a respectable life. You see, the woman is told in the Bible to “respect” her husband. (Eph. 5:33) When I bring that up, I hear often that he doesn’t do anything for me to respect him.

Men, is that true? Are you respectable? Too many times that statement is true. We think that since we work outside of the home and do most of the yard work, we shouldn’t have to do anything inside the house. We want our wives to pick up after us and watch “those” kids. We are tired from our day and need a break.

Even typing this is difficult. The selfishness. The Narcissism. The Male Chauvinism. All the negative characteristics that can be seen in men are riddled through that paragraph.

How can we act as men in order to be respected by our wives?

  1. Be engaged in the family. Every day when you get home, pay attention to what is going on with each person. Ask your wife how you can help her. One author called the time when everyone gets home for the evening The Pit Hour. Don’t be selfish and get engaged.
  2. Listen to your wife. Too many times, we listen for what we want to hear. Or we might listen so that we can “solve” the problem. I don’t know about you, but my wife solves problems often in her job. She is a teacher in a high school where she teaches students Physics. (I do not want her job at all!) Our wives want to be heard. If they want our solution, they will ask for it. Until then, LISTEN.
  3. Do what you say you are going to do. If you tell your wife that you are going to wash a load of clothes, do it. If you tell her that you will pay the bills, do it. In the same vein, if you tell her that you will be home by a certain time, be there. If you can’t, text her to let her know. All of this comes down to being a Man of Integrity.
  4. Don’t expect someone else (your wife) to pick up after you. Yes, sometimes she might serve your plate or even pick it up after dinner. Just, DON’T expect it. A lot of women have the natural tendency to take care of things, including their husbands. They might find fulfillment in serving. Don’t exploit that in her; rather help her by serving her at times.
  5. Be the leader. As a Biblical Counselor, I believe the husband is the leader of the home. Sometimes, his leadership style is lacking and is not leading very well. But he is still the leader. As men, we need to step up and lead. That leadership isn’t a dictatorship or a monarchy. It is a leadership that comes out of our relationship with God that influences our relationship with our wives and our children.

I am not saying here that we can’t watch a ballgame or go hunting or go outside and work in our shop. What I am asking is, “Are you living a life that is respectable?” We desire respect more than anything else. Therefore, we must live in such a way that gives our wives something to respect.

There are many other ways a man can be respectable; what comes to your mind? I would love to read your thoughts in the comment section.

HOW DO I MAKE MY SPOUSE LOVE ME AGAIN? PT. 2

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Fall In LoveYesterday I began a series of blogs entitled “How Can I Make My Spouse Love Me Again.” ( http://wp.me/p4Le1U-aD )  I have been asked this question by many different people, both men and women.  It seems like that we are continually “falling into and out of love” in our society today.  Everything seems to be pointing us to the thought “Whatever makes us happy.”  I have been told “I’m not happy in my marriage any more” countless number of times.  There is even a new show on television, Satisfaction, that promotes adultery to keep a married man “happy.”  I believe that God gives us the proper way to stay “in love” with the spouse that we married from the very beginning.  Today I want to share with you some thoughts from scripture about how a woman can encourage her husband to “fall in love with her again.”  

The first thing that you should do is:  Respect Your Husband.  Respecting your husband might be one of the most difficult things you do.  From the very beginning, Eve struggled with this concept just as Adam struggled with leading her.  After the encounter with The Serpent, God gave the judgements to each of the individuals involved.  When He came to Eve, He said,

Genesis 3:16 (NLT)
16 Then he said to the woman,
“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
and in pain you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.*” (Bold Italics Mine)

Other translations leave out to control, but the previous interpretation seems to be pretty accurate from what I have studied.  Our society has truly torn down the man’s role as the leader of the marriage as well as torn down man’s role as a leader in most areas of life.  Now I am not wanting to start a major discussion on feminism or male chauvinism.  I am simply stating how I believe love remains in a marriage relationship.  Ladies, your husband’s greatest need is to be respected.  A man feels respect primarily in two ways.  The first is by what he accomplishes in his life.  Included in this area is his work as well as his hobbies.  If he feels successful and accomplished, he probably feels respected.

The second way he feels respected is by the way he is treated at home, primarily by his wife.  Women, your man needs you to follow him and not to argue with him about everything.  I will let you in on a secret, my wife is probably smarter than I in many areas.  If I would have listened to her on several occasions, I would not have made some of the mistakes that I have made.  Yet, God tells me to be the leader and tells her to follow.  I am not saying that you do not have a voice, but I am saying that if you want your husband to love you, you must respect him and follow him.

1 Peter 3:1 (NASB95)
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. . .

Proverbs 21:9 (NASB95)
9 It is better to live in a corner of a roofContentious Woman
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

The second thing I would say is:  Don’t Nag!  As I have already stated, you might be smarter than your husband.  You might not agree with everything that he suggests or decides to do.  But the Bible is clear that you are not supposed to be argumentative and contentious.  When you nag your husband, you are not presenting yourself as very lovable.  I believe that you have the right to share your opinion and that you have a voice in the decisions for your family.  Once your voice is shared, it is up to you to be a Godly woman and follow your husband.

Nagging also includes complaining about what you do not have.  If you are not content with the life that you have and are always complaining about not having nicer things or newer clothes, etc. I guarantee that your husband feels disrespected.  I actually know of a couple who divorced over the fact that the husband did not buy the car that the wife wanted, but rather bought one that cost more than $25,000 less than the desired car.  I know that there were other issues involved, but this was the final “straw.”

Finally, let me encourage you to: Respond to Your Husband’s Sexual Advances.  Again, you want your husband to feel respected.  If you continually turn him down, he thinks you are being disrespectful.  You might even want to be the aggressor at times.  I know that is not natural for most women, but if you are afraid that your husband is not “in love with you” any more, then you will need to do some things differently.

I realize that I am writing from a man’s perspective, but my wife does read my blogs.  The next post will address some of the steps men need to take to help their wives “Fall In Love With Them Again.”

I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave them in the comment section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

The Man’s Greatest Need in Marriage

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The past several days I have been writing about the woman’s need for security and the different aspects of what that means. We’ve looked at being able to understand her, the reason for her need of security, creating security in your sexual life, as well as in your financial lives. Each of these is very important for men to be able to create the secure environment his wife needs for the marriage to be fulfilling for her. With this information, we are on the way to having a happy marriage…BUT there is another side of the scales that need to be balanced. The other side is the Greatest Need in a Man’s life.
When I ask the question, “What is your husband’s greatest need in a relationship with you?” The answer usually is more sex. Some people answer love or understanding. Some men might say that the answer is more time for hobbies. All of these answers are good, but not the Biblical answer.

Ephesians 5:22 (NASB)
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

This verse is not a popular verse in today’s society. They want to portray women who submit as weak and inferior. They say that submission is passé and old-fashion. The word that is used in the New Testament as submit means to place yourself under the leadership of someone else. The placement is a voluntary action. This action recognizes the line of authority that God has designed for the home.
It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.
The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures by Dallas Seminary Faculty.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB)
3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Ephesians 5:33 (NASB)
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

I want to focus on the need for men to be respected. We do not understand the word submit as well as we understand the word respect.
One of the aspects that need to be first understood is that women are supposed to respect, not because their husband is respectable but because God tells them to. (Just like men are supposed to love because God says so.) I realize that this can be difficult to do, because I do not always act in a respectable way. My wife, Lisa, cannot control me nor does she want to most of the time. Her job is to treat me with respect.
How are some ways that this will happen?
1. Talk respectfully. Do not belittle your husband. Do not argue with everything that he says. I am not telling you that you are not able to speak or that you cannot disagree with your husband. I am saying that when you do, you need to speak with respect in your voice.
2. Pray with him. Men desire to hear their wife pray out loud with them. I know that not everyone likes to pray out loud, but it does help in making your husband feel respected.
3. Follow him. God has made the husband the leader in the home. God did not ask anyone if that was a good idea or not. He set this hierarchy up in the Garden of Eden when He created Eve from Adam’s rib. Again, I believe a wife has the responsibility to share her desires and her needs. But, in the end, it is the responsibility for the husband to lead.
4. Have sex with him. Men feel respected when their advances are accepted. This is why so many men feel they need sex more is because they do not feel respected in their relationship with their wife.
There are other ways to help your husband feel respected. Tell him what he does well or what he does right. Encourage him to improve in areas that he needs to improve in.
Women, if you want your husband to realize that his marriage is very fulfilling you need to respect him. Ask him if he feels respected by you. Ask him how you can respect him more. It will bring both of you more satisfaction.

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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Location & Phone Number

5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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