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Are You Angry? These Steps Can Help

August 20, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

AngerBlotAnger seems to be a nation-wide problem.  If a person watches the evening news or reads the paper, he will see the effects that anger has on our society.  Violent crime seems to be on the rise.  Shootings in schools and other public places are becoming more and more common.  Domestic Violence has become an epidemic.  Ugly divorces and child custody suits are common place today.  These examples are just the most visible examples of anger controlling people.  Other effects of anger can be seen in the health industry as doctors are prescribing more and more antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications.  Stress is one of the top health issues that affects the work place.  Each one of these cases show the effects that anger has on our society.  Are you angry?  Do you want help to manage your anger?  Here are a few suggestions that can help.

Know that the emotion of anger is not a sin.  God shows His anger several times in the Old Testament, especially during the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt.  Jesus was angry  when He cleansed the temple of the money changers, not once but twice.(John 2:14 & Matt. 21:12)  AS James 1:13 points out, God can’t even be tempted much less sin.  James 1:13 (NLT) 13 ‘And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong,* and he never tempts anyone else.’  If God and Jesus, who are sinless, show anger, then the emotion by itself cannot be sin.

Understand the roots of anger.

  • Fear:  When we are fearful and worry about what might happen in the future, we can respond in anger.  Fear deals with the unknown mostly.  This type of fear is closely tied to worry and anxiety.  Paul writes that we are not to worry or be anxious in Phil. 4:6.
  • Hurt:  When we have unresolved hurt and pain from earlier in our lives, that pain can manifest itself into anger.  A person that we love can do something that reminds us of the past and we lash out in anger.
  • Frustration:  This category contains several different types of emotions.  Guilt is one.  When we feel guilty of our own wrong doing, we get angry to take the focus off of ourselves and place it on the other person.  Control is another.  If we feel out of control, we want to regain that control and we do that by being intimidating or angry.  As one man pAngry Hulkuts it, “I Hulk Out!”  Inadequacy if another emotion connected to frustration.  If we feel that we are incapable of doing something, we might lash out in anger instead of admitting our shortcomings.

Learn the physical signs of your anger.  Our bodies release adrenalin when we begin to get angry.  Our blood pressure begins to rise.  Our face turns red.  Our hearts begin to pump harder and faster.  Our breathing can become more shallow.  These are just a few outward symptoms of anger.  Learn yours.

Make an anger plan.  Having a plan of action when anger begins to arise will help you in managing how angry you actually will get.  

  • Take a time out.  Remove yourself from the situation if at all possible.  This step is not to get you to ignore the situation, but it will allow you to think about it before you react.
  • Take deep breaths.  Breathing deeply helps calm you down so that the emotion is not controlling you.
  • Own your anger.  Realize that you are choosing to be angry at that time.  No one can control your emotions but you (with God’s help), therefore no one is making you mad.  You are choosing to be mad in a reaction to what someone is doing.
  • Share the reason for your anger.  Do this in a way that is easy for the other person to hear.  Use “I” statements, not “You” statements.  Talk about your root cause for the anger.  DO NOT BLAME the other person.

These steps can help you learn to manage your anger.  Anger can be very destructive when it is left unchecked.  God gave us the ability to have anger for the purpose of bringing about change.  When used properly, our relationships will grow and flourish.

What are some positive steps you take when you are angry?  Share them in the comment section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

 

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Antici………pation!

June 25, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Anticipation: 

1.  the act of anticipating or the state of being anticipated.

2.  realization in advance; foretaste.

3.  expectation or hope.

4.  previous notion; slight previous impression.

5.  intuition, foreknowledge, or prescience.

Anticipation

Anticipation is a wonderful feeling but there are times that it carries some idea of fear.  As I am writing this today, I think about some of the times that I have felt the emotion of anticipation the most in my life.  I remember some of the Christmases as a small boy always wondering what would be in the packages all wrapped in festive paper with bows on them.  I, along with my sisters, would sit and guess what was in the ones with our names on them.  Those are some fond memories of anticipating the big day that we would get to open the gifts and see if we were right or if the surprise would be even better.

I remember the days leading up to my wedding and anticipating the journey that was in front of me called “married life.”  I remember being nervous and yet excited all at the same time.  I had questions so many questions that were unanswered by anyone and yet the anticipation was driving me to continue on the journey in front of me.I remember the birth of my children and the anticipation that was all around those days.  Wondering when my wife would go into labor…Wondering if I would be a good dad…Wondering if my kids would be healthy…Wondering how my life was going to change…What Great Anticipation!!

Many of the emotions that I felt on each of those occasions and many more like them are the emotions I am experiencing now.  Over the past several weeks I have been on a adventure with God in which He has been stripping things away in my life that were being an hinderance to my relationship with Him.  He has led me to be more diligent in so many areas of my life.  He is changing my thought patterns.  He is changing my ideas and ideals about ministry.  He is changing my desires along with my values.  He is bringing me to a place that I feel stripped down in front of Him and He is asking me “Am I enough?”

Many times in scripture before God does something that only He can do, He causes people to see their own inadequacies just so they will recognize God as the author of what is happening.  I have been thinking about the disciples as they were with Jesus in John 11.  Jesus was told his friend Lazarus was sick.  So instead of getting up to go to Bethany, Jesus stayed where He was for two days.  He told the disciples that Lazarus’ illness was for the glory of God.  This is where I begin to add my thoughts about what the disciples were thinking at this time.  When Jesus said it was time to go to Judea, His followers began to question what He was doing.  Jesus tried to share with them what He was going to do, but no one understood.  As they journeyed to the town of Bethany, can you imagine the anticipation of what was next?  They were afraid of the Jewish leaders and therefore, afraid that they might die.  They loved Jesus and believed that Jesus was going to do something special, but they had no idea of what it was going to be.  Even up to the point of Jesus telling Mary and Martha that He was the Resurrection, no one understood He was about the resurrect Lazarus.  He had been dead for four days…Martha said that there would be a stench…Could Jesus really do something with a dead man?  

You know the end of this story.  Jesus called Lazarus out of the grave and he lived again.  Was what Jesus did on that day greater than what anyone else thought He could do?  Was there an excitement that followed this wonderful miracle?  Of course to both of these questions!!!

You see anticipation carries with it expectation of something special happening.  It also carries with it fear of change.  I have both today.  Am I ready to see the miracle today?  Am I prepared for the work that God is going to do so that He gets the glory?  

What an anticipation of what God is going to do!!!! Do you feel it?  Are you ready?

I would love to hear your thoughts today.

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I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
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