3 Keys to Spiritual Intimacy

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Intimacy“Man is not an island.”  This quotation is actually from John Donne in 1624.  It is a part of Meditation XVII which also says “…for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”  The meaning of the quote “Man is not an island” is that man does not thrive on his own; he needs relationships and community in order to reach his total potential.  Donne was a Christian author even though several religions have adopted this thought.  The relationship that is needed the most is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. 

The second most important relationship is with a wife.  I believe this principle is taught in Genesis 2.  Adam was created and had a perfect relationship with God.  He had the opportunity to walk and talk with God daily.  God trusted Adam to name the animals in the garden and to take care of the plants as well as the animals.  As God is reviewing all that is happening in the Garden of Eden, He states that “it is not good than Man is alone.”  Now Adam was sinless at this time.  He had complete freedom to do his job of keeping the Garden.  He had God’s full attention at all times.  Yet, God said something was “not good.”  Man was alone!!  God then created Eve to be Adam’s wife and God said that it was very good.  This story tells me that these two relationships are important to the well being of Man.  I do believe that the relationship with God through Christ is the most important of all relationships.  But second only to this relationship is marriage.  Since these two relationships are foundational to Man, then they should intermingle.  Yes, you can be a Christian and be single.  Yes, you can be married and not be a Christian.  But I believe if you want the most fulfilling marriage possible, then your relationship with God must impact your marriage. 

How do we get to this place in our marriage?  I would like to share with you three keys that will help God be the center of your marriage.Praying Together

  1. Pray Together.  Praying together connects our innermost thoughts and emotions at the deepest places of our souls.  Prayer is communication with God, The Father.  We not only talk to Him, but we also listen to Him.  He chooses our prayer lives to speak to our souls.  We must be willing to listen as well as speak to God.  Praying with your spouse brings him/her into your spirit person.  The connection is “heavenly.”  God speaks to you together which confirms your relationship.
  2. Bible StudyStudy the Bible Together.  Our spiritual growth is encouraged and nurtured through Bible Study.  Understanding the Word of God is important to knowing the Person of God as well as His purpose for our lives.  Studying together helps us develop spiritually together.  I have met with many couples where one spouse studies the Bible and has a deeper relationship with God than the other spouse.  When this happens, there is a disconnect that leads to discontentment within the marriage.  We want our relationship to be growing together, not separately.  Many Christian counselors have described marriage as an isosceles triangle which means 3 equal angles and 3 equal sides.  The closer you get to God, the closer you get together.
  3. Serve God Together.  As a couple, we need to serve God together.  Some of the most meaningful events I have been a part of are the ones in which my wife was also a part.  As a minister, that has not always been the case.  I have had the opportunity to go to camps or on mission trips while my wife stayed home with our children or to go to work.  Those events were OK, but I’m not sure any of them were life changing.  Now the events that we were able to participate together in have been life changing.  I know that I feel complete when she is with me for ministry. 

These three keys to connect spiritually will open the doors to the deepest intimacy that you can ever experience.  Our spiritual intimacy leads to better emotional intimacy which leads to better relational intimacy which leads to better physical intimacy.  Every couple that wants to have a fulfilled marriage is seeking more intimacy.  Our spiritual connection as a couple will ensure that our intimacy will grow.

Have you noticed your relationship has grown as you have prayed together?  What else have you noticed that will help your spiritual connection to grow?

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Providing Hope for Troubled Times

The Benefits of Cooking Together

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Over the past several months my wife and I have been cooking almost every meal at home.  Some nights when I am home, I help her do the cooking.  I call herCooking the Queen of the Kitchen and I am her serf.  I usually follow her instructions to make sure the cooking is done properly.  I have learned how to cook some things, but mostly I just help.  On some nights, I do the majority of the cooking but usually items that she has taught me how to cook.  I have never ventured out on my own in the kitchen.

What are the benefits of cooking meals together?  

  • Spending time together.  Many couples complain of not ever having time together.  Cooking each evening allows you to be together as well accomplishes a daily task.  Each person has their own role in completing the meal, whether it is preparing, cooking, or cleaning afterwards.  Supper becomes a joint effort and no one feels that they are all alone in this task.
  • Spending less money on meals.  Over the years, we have been guilty of eating out quite a lot.  No one dollar signreally knows how much money we have spent eating at different establishments.  Since January, we have been cooking at home and our budget has appreciated it.
  • Eating healthier.  Today, we hear so much about being healthy…cutting out fried foods and processed foods…eating less sugar…eating more vegetables, etc.  When we cook at home, we can control what we are eating and how much we eat.  (Personally, the food tastes so much better when cooked at home.)
  • Losing Weight.  Since we have been eating at home and not out all the time, my wife and I have lost about sixty pounds together.  It has been fabulous.

Now many of you might already cook at home all the time, but when both spouses work outside of the home it is difficult.  Some nights I work until 7 or even 8.  Before, most of those nights I would stop on the way home and get something out.  Now, my wife either has the meals cooked or I help her when I get home.  Let me challenge you to work on this as a couple.  We all need to spend more time together.  We probably all could save some money.  And we need to be healthy.  Here are just a couple of suggestions of how to get started.

  1. Make a menu for the week.  We make our menus on Friday night.  We have a list of suggestions compiled if we ever get stuck.  When you do this together, no one feels that he/she has all the responsibilities of the meals.
  2. Make a grocery list off of the menu.  Again, we do this on Friday night.  My wife knows the ingredients of the dishes that we are cooking for the week.  I help with the items that we need for lunches and breakfasts.  This list helps us stay on track when we go to the store.
  3. Post  the menu where everyone can see it.  If you have children at home, let them help in the process and see the menu.  If the menu is visible and you stick to it, you remove the question “what’s for dinner?”.
  4. Have fun.  Making menus, grocery lists, grocery shopping, and cooking are all chores.  I do not know many people who like to do chores.  Try to create a fun environment around these activities.

Meal times are important.  The preparation time can be just as important.  Work toward using this time for relationship building.

What do you do with the preparation time of supper to build your relationship?

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

7 Steps to Move Your Marriage Expectations to Reality

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Expecations“Marriage is just not what I expected!”  “I thought our marriage would be so much different than what it is.”  “My husband is nothing like what I expected him to be.”  “I expected our marriage to be full of love, fun, and romance, but it’s not at all.”  During the many marriage counseling sessions that I have conducted over the years, I have heard these complains along with many others.  So many times as we enter into our marriage, we have high expectations or maybe even fantastic expectations (unrealistic unless you are in a fantasy world.)

One of the many talking points in marriage counseling is expectations of a great marriage.  I ask couples to take time to think about what characterizes a great marriage.  Some of those answers include:  friendship, partnership, good communication, good sexual relationship, trips, children and several more along the same line of thinking.  I ask each couple to describe their list of expectations and then to compare with their spouse.  Even in very tumultuous relationships, the expectations can be very similar.  I would like to give you some thoughts of how to move your marriage from where it is today to where you expected it to be when you got married.

  1. Make a list of your expectations.  Be as specific as you feel you need to be.  If you expect your wife to cook every meal, write it down.  If you expect your husband to help with the household chores, write that down.  If you expect to have sex daily, write that down.  Write the number of children you desire.  Write where you expect to live.  I think you understand at this point; Be Specific.
  2. Prioritize your list.  After you compile your list of expectations, take the time to put them in order based on their importance to you.  Use three groupings:

    Must-Have:  You will not compromise on these. 

    Would-Like-To-Have:  These are important, but somewhat flexible.

    Would-Be-Nice-To-Have-But-Not-Necessary:  These are nice, but you can do without them.

  3. Share your list with your spouse and compare.  Take the time to sit down together and exchange your lists.  This time is not to create argument or even to pass blame for your marital problems.  It is a time for you to spend together, attempting to build understanding with each other.  Many marriages are characterized by frustration and disappointment.  These emotions can come from expectations not being met.  You want your marriage to be enriched from this exercise, not more conflict to arise.
  4. Communicate your thoughts and feelings about your spouse’s list.  You might think that some of the expectations are unrealistic.  You might have thought you were already meeting some.  Be honest but loving as you work through this part of the exercise.  Again, you do not want to pass blame.  You want your mate to know that you love them and want them to be fulfilled in your marriage.
  5. Choose one expectation from each list to work on together.  I would suggest that you choose one from the Must-Have category.  This way you will show your mate how Expectations:Realityserious you are about meeting the expectations that you have.  Talk about how you would like to see the expectation met.  What changes need to be made in your marriage?  What changes need to be made in each person?
  6. Set a time frame to reevaluate.  Most of the time, you can’t just do something once and be done.  How well are you doing over a month’s period of time?  Are the changes evident?  Is your mate happier?  Is there less frustration in your marriage?  Can you move to the next expectation on the list?
  7. Repeat #’s 5 & 6.  Continue this process until you believe you are on the way to a very fulfilling relationship.

I pray that your marriage grows and is fully enriched with this exercise.

What have you done to help meet your spouse’s expectations?  Share in the comment section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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Location & Phone Number

5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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