4 Questions to Develop Safeguards for Your Marriage

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When the article came out that Vice-President Pence would only eat meals alone with his wife, there has been a firestorm of responses to how unrealistic and even archaic this practice is (Billy Graham had even more strict safeguards in place). Some people have expressed that because of their jobs it was impossible to get away from being alone with someone of the opposite sex for a meal at times. Some people have expressed that they have close friends that are people of the opposite sex that they enjoy a meal with from time to time. Others stated that the “rule” would not stop someone from having an affair with the avenues of communication that social media provides. A simple meal would not be the problem.

I read so many other responses that agreed with the practice. These people felt that VP Pence was honoring his wife along with his marriage and was setting a good example. Some expressed a desire to continue the same practice in their marriages – Not because there is not trust between the spouses, but rather to continue to build their marriage.

Questions for Safeguards

  1. What is your view of marriage? Are you two individuals with two separate lives living in the same house that connect in just certain areas? Are you two working on becoming one, honoring each other and glorifying God while reflecting His love to everyone around you? Are you somewhere in between?
  2. Do your closest friends have the same view of marriage that you do? When you talk about marriage, is there a similar value system present? Do you feel supported in your stance? Do you feel that you are always trying to defend yourself?
  3. Do your closest friends value YOUR marriage? Brad, didn’t you just ask that question in #2? NO because some people might sound like they support marriage but at the same time might be trying to sabotage your marriage.
  4. When you are with someone of the opposite sex, is your conversation honoring to your spouse? Would you mind if your spouse heard the conversation? Are you building your spouse up? Are you talking about how much you love your spouse and you are committed to marriage? Have you ever complained about your marriage?

Obviously these questions are not exhaustive but they are a good place to start when setting safeguards in your life to protect your marriage. Marriage is designed by God to glorify Him by showing unconditional love, forgiveness, and mercy between two people that creates a family built on a covenant that reflects His unconditional love that leads to our covenantal relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. Marriage is to make us holy in all that we do. I believe that these safeguards can help lead us toward that.

What questions would you ask to develop safeguards for your marriage?

3 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband

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How many people remember Rodney Dangerfield? His famous line was “I don’t get no respect.” Many men feel just as Mr. Dangerfield said that he did. I have heard that in my office on many occasions. Even recently as a wife was telling me how she was all alone and that she had to face parenting, working, and other issues in her life by herself, her husband just asked the question “Where am I in this equation? Am I even in the top ten things you think about?” What I heard him say, “I don’t feel respected by you at all.”

Respect is the need of a man in a relationship. Men get respect in what they accomplish and then in their relationships. Many men do not accomplish what they think they should have in their jobs and feel like they are stuck in life, so what do they do? They look for adventure. Most of the time in the wrong places.

Wives, you play an important part in the life of your husband. God tells you to respect you husband. Not everyone deserves the respect which I address in 5 Ways to Earn Respect in Your Marriage. In our relationship, we are to treat our spouse as unto Christ (Eph. 5:21). We love or respect because of what God tells us to do, not necessarily because the other person deserves it.

So how can you show respect to your husband?

  1. Verbally: Your words are conveyors of how you truly feel; therefore, when you speak you are sharing what is on the inside of you.
    • Directly to your husband. Nagging and complaining to your husband about his deficiencies and his mistakes inform him that you do not respect him. After a while of only hearing negative words from his wife, the man will eventually find someone that will say something positive about him.
    • To your friends: I asked a lady in a church that I served several years ago why she didn’t attend any of the Women’s Ministry events. She told me that she was not going anywhere that the women bashed their husbands. It was not a positive influence on her marriage. Talking about your husband negatively in public will disrespect him because what is said about him usually gets back to him.
    • Let me encourage you to think of things that you can respect your husband for. Does he go to work faithfully? Is he home when he says he will be? Does he take care of the children? Let him know how you respect him. He probably knows why you don’t respect him.
  2. Actually: What can you can do to show respect to your husband? The Bible informs couples that the husband is the head of the wife. He is to be the leader in the home. Many men are not good spiritual leaders, yet that is still their role. If a wife usurps that leadership, the husband feels disrespected.
  3. Sexually: The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is one of the greatest areas a man feels the most respected. He desires to know that he is “enough” for his wife and that she is satisfied with him.
    • Respond to his advances. I don’t believe that the wife has to say “yes” every time her husband wants to have sex. There are many factors involved in that, but she needs to respond positively to him. She doesn’t need to just say yes out of obligation but rather because she wants to. Be an active participant with your husband, not a passive one. He feels more respected the more you participate.
    • Make Advances. This statement immediately creates questions for many women. Their sex drive is not as strong as their husbands. They might want sex, but are uncomfortable asking or initiating. It is their nature to respond but not initiate. This initiation is not to be all the time, but there are times that your husband needs to feel respected and you initiating sex would help build his respect levels.

The Importance of Respect to Your Husband

Your husband’s number one need in his life is to feel respected. The command that a wife is given by God is to respect her husband. These three areas of life will help you give your husband the respect that he needs.

How are you doing at respecting your husband? What are some ways that you show your husband respect that will add to this? I would love to read your responses.

5 Ways to Earn Respect in Your Marriage

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“I can’t get my husband to do anything around the house!”

“All my husband does is sit around watching TV while I work in the kitchen or try to help the kids with their homework.”

“I work, too, you know. Why don’t you ever help me with the work that has to be done in the house?”

“My husband leaves all of his clothes lying around the house and never puts them in the laundry basket.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar? I have heard these and many more in my office. Most of the time, the husband wants the wife to quit nagging about his behavior. He often will state that he doesn’t need a momma telling him what to do. This argument has been going on for decades since WWII when women really started working outside of the home in the factories.

Now this is not a blog on whether the wife should work outside of the home or not. That totally depends on the needs of the family.

I am addressing the issue of the man living a respectable life. You see, the woman is told in the Bible to “respect” her husband. (Eph. 5:33) When I bring that up, I hear often that he doesn’t do anything for me to respect him.

Men, is that true? Are you respectable? Too many times that statement is true. We think that since we work outside of the home and do most of the yard work, we shouldn’t have to do anything inside the house. We want our wives to pick up after us and watch “those” kids. We are tired from our day and need a break.

Even typing this is difficult. The selfishness. The Narcissism. The Male Chauvinism. All the negative characteristics that can be seen in men are riddled through that paragraph.

How can we act as men in order to be respected by our wives?

  1. Be engaged in the family. Every day when you get home, pay attention to what is going on with each person. Ask your wife how you can help her. One author called the time when everyone gets home for the evening The Pit Hour. Don’t be selfish and get engaged.
  2. Listen to your wife. Too many times, we listen for what we want to hear. Or we might listen so that we can “solve” the problem. I don’t know about you, but my wife solves problems often in her job. She is a teacher in a high school where she teaches students Physics. (I do not want her job at all!) Our wives want to be heard. If they want our solution, they will ask for it. Until then, LISTEN.
  3. Do what you say you are going to do. If you tell your wife that you are going to wash a load of clothes, do it. If you tell her that you will pay the bills, do it. In the same vein, if you tell her that you will be home by a certain time, be there. If you can’t, text her to let her know. All of this comes down to being a Man of Integrity.
  4. Don’t expect someone else (your wife) to pick up after you. Yes, sometimes she might serve your plate or even pick it up after dinner. Just, DON’T expect it. A lot of women have the natural tendency to take care of things, including their husbands. They might find fulfillment in serving. Don’t exploit that in her; rather help her by serving her at times.
  5. Be the leader. As a Biblical Counselor, I believe the husband is the leader of the home. Sometimes, his leadership style is lacking and is not leading very well. But he is still the leader. As men, we need to step up and lead. That leadership isn’t a dictatorship or a monarchy. It is a leadership that comes out of our relationship with God that influences our relationship with our wives and our children.

I am not saying here that we can’t watch a ballgame or go hunting or go outside and work in our shop. What I am asking is, “Are you living a life that is respectable?” We desire respect more than anything else. Therefore, we must live in such a way that gives our wives something to respect.

There are many other ways a man can be respectable; what comes to your mind? I would love to read your thoughts in the comment section.

Phrase for 2017 — Renewed Focus

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I grew up in Southeast Texas, not too far from the Gulf Coast. I loved going to the beach as a kid. I loved playing in the surf – jumping waves and floating around in the water. I remember one time playing in the water for a while and when I looked up, I had drifted down the coast quite a way from my family. The undertow had carried me without me even knowing that I was drifting. I remember having to get out of the water and walking back up the shore to get to them. NOT FUN!

Life can be like that. When we are not paying attention, we can drift away from where we want to be. We can drift from important relationships like our marriage or our relationship with our children. We can drift in our jobs or in the area of our physical health. When we look up, we realize that we have gone a long way away from where we started. Most of the time, drifting takes us in a way that we do not want to go.

My phrase for 2017 is RENEWED FOCUS. I have drifted some in my life and 2107 is the time that I will get back on track. It is always exciting to be refreshed and renewed.

shutterstock_415603987Areas of Renewed Focus

  • Health
    • I drifted in my weight loss efforts from the past couple of years and I need to get back on track.
  • Spiritual
    • So much of my study time this past year was directed at preaching. Therefore, I need to get back to some of the spiritual disciplines for my personal relationship with God.
    • Scripture Memory
    • Journaling
  • Professional
    • I have started a couple of certifications for coaching/counseling that I have not finished. I have begun working toward completing those.
    • Reading more books
    • Writing more blogs

RENEWED FOCUS is a phrase that will be an emphasis in my life for 2017. Being able to stay focused on the leadership of God will be the key to having a great year.

What is your word or phrase for the New Year? I would love to hear what word or phrase that you will be working with.

Yearly Evaluation

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Have you ever felt that you were always running just a little late in life? Here we are 3 days into the new year and I am just now getting started with evaluating last year and looking forward to this year. I usually try to accomplish this task during the last week of the year, but better late than never. RIGHT?

HIGHLIGHTS

  1. Our fifth grandchild was born. Amos was born in January so the year started out with a lot of excitement. My wife and I now have 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. That sure makes life fun as we talk on the phone or visit our kids. There’s always a lot of laughing and of course some crying.
  2. Another great thing about 2016 was the fact that I was the Interim Pastor of a local church. I got to preach every week, do Bible studies, and pastoral visits and counseling. I had a wonderful time each week. My wife and I made a lot of new friends as well as grew in our relationship with God and each other. This experience was one that I will hopefully grow from the rest of my life.

STRUGGLE

The not so highlights can be summarized with a simple phrase…I lost focus of Directed Path Ministries. I spent most of my study time for the church so I overlooked the need to continue to read and write for DPM. Because of that loss of focus, I almost feel that I am starting over. The best part of this starting over is that most of the pieces are still in place. Those pieces just need to be readjusted and put back in place with tweaks along the way.

FUTURE

So as I look forward to 2017, I am looking with a keen awareness of a renewed focus on DPM and other ministry opportunities that are offered. More Reading…More Writing…as well as other changes that are in the works. Of course I will not share those with you until it is time to unveil what God is leading me to do.

I sure hope that your 2017 is on the right track to being wonderful. I am so full of enthusiasm and hope for this year, I feel I am bursting at the seams. (Maybe that’s just the weight I’ve put on recently.) Oh well, it’s time to start with all things new.

 

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Are You a Goal Setter Like Me?

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Confession is good for the soul, right? Well, here it goes. Hello, my name is Brad and I’m a goal setter. I love setting goals. Every year around this time I start thinking about goals that I would like to accomplish for the coming year. I get all excited about the different goals and I start well. But…

As I look at my life, there are areas of my life that are really on track. I feel that I am accomplishing what I have set out to do. Oh, I know that I can still improve but over all, I am doing fairly well.

But there are other areas that I know that I need to make some changes in order to improve in those areas.

Using the proper measuring tools, we are able to collect the important data and make adjustments in order to improve in that area.

Here is such measuring tool: Michael Hyatt’s LifeScore Assessment Tool.

It is free and it only takes a few minutes (probably less than 10). After you answer questions in the different areas of your life, you will be given a score.

Why don’t you take the time now to go to the link and take the assessment? I don’t believe you have anything to lose but you can gain a great deal.

I know that I will be using the information in this tool to help me develop the areas of my life that need attention so that I can have a great year in 2017.

 

The Christian and The Election

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This past Sunday, I preached a message that God had laid on my heart about the upcoming Presidential Election. My prayer is that we as Christians would respond to this election and any other with the Hope that only God can give through Jesus Christ.

As Christians, our permanent residence is in Heaven. Until we get there, we must live here in a way that shows others our destination.

Personal Encounter with Jesus

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Each one of us need a personal encounter with Jesus so that we can see how Jesus wants to forgive us and call us to His ministry. He wants each one of us to know Him personally. Have you had an encounter like Peter had on the Sea of Galilee? Let me invite you to listen as I share about Peter’s encounter and apply it to our lives.

 

 

 

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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Location & Phone Number

5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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