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Date Night

August 25, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Let’s go on a trip down memory lane to before you got married.  Maybe you were in college like me and my wife.  Maybe you met while in high school or even before that like some couples I know.  Think about that first time you saw your future mate.  How did you act?  Where you all suave and debonair?  Maybe you were shy and coy.  Think about those days.  Think about the Holding Handsfun that you had together; how much you laughed together and actually did crazy things together.  You might have gone on long walks around the campus or picnics in near by parks.  Climbed trees together and took a lot of pictures.  Maybe you enjoyed going to nice restaurants and getting dressed up.  You might have even brought flowers from time to time.  What happened to those days?  I know, life happens.  It’s kind of like that old children’s rhyme we used to say on the playground when two people liked each other:  “K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Susie with a baby carriage.”  Jobs, bills, children, and the daily routine (or rut) of everyday life.

Genesis 26:8 (NLT)

8 But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah.  (bolding mine)

How can you break that rut in your marriage?  Can you bring a sense of romance back into your lives?  What about just having fun together?

Date NightMany of the renown Christian Marriage Counselors suggest having a date night every week.  I know from my own experience that can be somewhat prohibitive because of finances and baby sitting requirements.  But the suggestion is a very good one.  It helps both of you to know that your relationship is a priority in your lives.  The same counselors encourage you to take a weekend off together several times a year.  Again, I understand the money constraints and the kids but setting time and money aside for such events will strengthen you relationship greatly.  Do you need a time together?

Here are some benefits of setting aside a night or day just for you as a couple.

  1. You get away from it all.  Sometimes you need to be reminded that you are a couple and not just bread winners and parents.  Or house keepers, taxi drivers, etc.  You need time to be friends and lovers.  You need time to relax and enjoy yourselves.
  2. You can reconnect.  During your date, you will want to talk about things that are enjoyable and fun.  You don’t need to talk about the problems.  What brought you together to start with?  What attracted you to each other?  What do you have in common, besides the bills and kids?Date Night 3
  3. You can be crazy.  Many jobs do not allow you to relax and they can be very stressful.  Take you spouse to a place that crazy is acceptable.  Be playful and release those tensions.
    Again enjoy yourselves.
  4. You can go places that are not that kid friendly.  No, I’m not talking about anything ugly or dirty.  I’m talking about going to a nice sit down restaurant and not just McDonald’s or Chucky Cheese’s or other places that love kids and have playgrounds, etc.  Sometimes you or your spouse will want to get dressed up and have someone else to serve you.  You will want food that comes on a nice plate with real silverware and cloth napkins instead of paper wrappers and paper napkins.  It can be fun and relaxing not to have to worry your little people for an evening.

These are just a few benefits.  I’m sure you can think of many more.  The most important idea about date night and get away weekends is to be together.  You begin to focus more and more on each other and the routine doesn’t seem so unbearable.

What benefits have you found in having a date night?  Leave your comments in the section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Helping Others Using God’s Principles

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Friendship in Marriage

October 6, 2012 By bwatson Leave a Comment

The past couple of days I have been writing on communication, which is probably the most common issue that I see in my office while counseling couples. Another common problem is that couples that are struggling do not ever have any fun together. Now I am not talking about their sexual relationship. I am talking about just enjoying life together and having fun together. Their friendship is lacking. Each of the partners has friends that they like to have fun with. Guys liking to get together to watch football, go hunting, play golf, etc. while the women go shopping, go to the movies, or whatever together. The couple just does not spend any recreational time together.
I am not against having friends that we do things together with. Matter of fact, I encourage it. I believe that our relationships with others can enhance our relationship with our spouse. What I do I have a problem with is that we spend more time with our other friends and not have any time with our best friend. I know a lot of guys who think they can hang out with their buddies while their wife is at home with the kids and then expect her to respond favorably to his romantic advances. Most of the time, his expectations are not met.
One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the companion need. I know that Adam was the only person when God created Eve, but the principle is still applicable. We need our mate to be our companion, not just our sexual partner.
How do we accomplish this? How do we maintain a friendship with our mate throughout our marriage? A couple of things come to mind as I think about this subject.
1. Date regularly. Many of the marriage books recommend dating once per week. I know that can be expensive, yet can be very profitable for our marriages. I recommend doing things on dates that are not that expensive like going on picnics if you can take a lunch date. If you have children, maybe you can find another couple to switch out for childcare.
2. Find a common hobby. So many people like to do things that their mate does not like to do. I am not telling anyone not to hunt, fish, play golf, shop, or anything else their mate doesn’t like. What I am saying that there needs to be a common hobby; something that both of you would like to do together.
3. Do what your mate wants to do. I read about an avid golfer who was asked to play on a very exclusive course on day, but he told his friends no because he was going to the Art Museum. The response was “I didn’t know you were into art.” The golfer said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.”
These are just a few suggestions. There are many others that help keep the friendship going such as laughing together, touching daily, and then again just talking to each other.
Being friends is very important when you are on the journey of your lifetime called marriage. It really makes the journey go a lot easier.

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