“Man is not an island.” This quotation is actually from John Donne in 1624. It is a part of Meditation XVII which also says “…for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” The meaning of the quote “Man is not an island” is that man does not thrive on his own; he needs relationships and community in order to reach his total potential. Donne was a Christian author even though several religions have adopted this thought. The relationship that is needed the most is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
The second most important relationship is with a wife. I believe this principle is taught in Genesis 2. Adam was created and had a perfect relationship with God. He had the opportunity to walk and talk with God daily. God trusted Adam to name the animals in the garden and to take care of the plants as well as the animals. As God is reviewing all that is happening in the Garden of Eden, He states that “it is not good than Man is alone.” Now Adam was sinless at this time. He had complete freedom to do his job of keeping the Garden. He had God’s full attention at all times. Yet, God said something was “not good.” Man was alone!! God then created Eve to be Adam’s wife and God said that it was very good. This story tells me that these two relationships are important to the well being of Man. I do believe that the relationship with God through Christ is the most important of all relationships. But second only to this relationship is marriage. Since these two relationships are foundational to Man, then they should intermingle. Yes, you can be a Christian and be single. Yes, you can be married and not be a Christian. But I believe if you want the most fulfilling marriage possible, then your relationship with God must impact your marriage.
How do we get to this place in our marriage? I would like to share with you three keys that will help God be the center of your marriage.
- Pray Together. Praying together connects our innermost thoughts and emotions at the deepest places of our souls. Prayer is communication with God, The Father. We not only talk to Him, but we also listen to Him. He chooses our prayer lives to speak to our souls. We must be willing to listen as well as speak to God. Praying with your spouse brings him/her into your spirit person. The connection is “heavenly.” God speaks to you together which confirms your relationship.
- Study the Bible Together. Our spiritual growth is encouraged and nurtured through Bible Study. Understanding the Word of God is important to knowing the Person of God as well as His purpose for our lives. Studying together helps us develop spiritually together. I have met with many couples where one spouse studies the Bible and has a deeper relationship with God than the other spouse. When this happens, there is a disconnect that leads to discontentment within the marriage. We want our relationship to be growing together, not separately. Many Christian counselors have described marriage as an isosceles triangle which means 3 equal angles and 3 equal sides. The closer you get to God, the closer you get together.
- Serve God Together. As a couple, we need to serve God together. Some of the most meaningful events I have been a part of are the ones in which my wife was also a part. As a minister, that has not always been the case. I have had the opportunity to go to camps or on mission trips while my wife stayed home with our children or to go to work. Those events were OK, but I’m not sure any of them were life changing. Now the events that we were able to participate together in have been life changing. I know that I feel complete when she is with me for ministry.
These three keys to connect spiritually will open the doors to the deepest intimacy that you can ever experience. Our spiritual intimacy leads to better emotional intimacy which leads to better relational intimacy which leads to better physical intimacy. Every couple that wants to have a fulfilled marriage is seeking more intimacy. Our spiritual connection as a couple will ensure that our intimacy will grow.
Have you noticed your relationship has grown as you have prayed together? What else have you noticed that will help your spiritual connection to grow?
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.