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Selfishness Is Deadly

October 15, 2014 By bwatson 3 Comments

 
 

This month the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association is asking their members to write on Words of Wisdom from different sources.  The first subject was from a family member.  The second is from The Bible.  My blog on Monday was my offering on the family.  This blog covers the subject of Words of Wisdom from the Bible.  Watch for the next two during the next couple of weeks.

Philippians234

SelfishnessAs a Biblical Counselor, this is one of my favorite passages to use while counseling couples.  We live in such a selfish and self-seeking society, that these words can be foreign in our relationships.  I have had many couples share with me that my secular counterparts even encourage selfishness in marriage.  Their goal is to help their client find happiness for themselves as well as to seek their own personal interests.  I could not disagree with this philosophy more.  I believe that the Bible teaches something quite the opposite of selfishness.

If you are a Bible scholar, let me assure you that I know that these verses are primarily addressing the situation within the church at Philippi.  Paul was teaching the need for unity within the body of Christ and he was emphasizing selflessness and humility to help meet that need.  The verses that follow these two discuss our need to follow Christ’s humility.  I do not believe that I am taking these verses out of context when I apply them to marriage as marriage is also a relationship that is built on the covenantal love of Christ.  In Ephesians 5, Paul compare the marriage to the church; therefore, I believe that the characteristics of the church can apply to the marriage relationship.  With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s examine what is being said in these verses and how to apply them to our marriages.

Paul begins this sentence by telling the Christian to avoid selfishness.  Satan was selfish when he rejected God’s plan and attempted to promote himself over God. (Isaiah 14:12-17)  Satan tempted Eve, while Adam stood next to her, with selfishness.  (Gen. 3)  Selfishness is at the root of our sinful behavior.  Selfishness is also at the root of most, if not all, problems in marriage.  Think about it for a moment.  Affairs are based on selfish desires.  Monetary conflicts are tied to selfishness.  And I could continue with any area of marriage that contains conflict.  I even heard a wife tell her husband that she did not desire to endure his illness and so she left him.  At that moment, she was thinking about herself…not God, nor her husband.

The opposite of selfishness is selflessness and humility.  Jesus tells us to die to ourselves.  Paul says that we are crucified with Christ.  If I listed every verse that taught against selfishness, I would be writing for several pages.  The idea of dying to ourselves carries the notion that we will live for something else.  Obviously, the something else is Christ.  Christ lived his life in such a way that we can follow HIs example in order to be pleasing to God.

The next phrase of this passage tells us to consider others more important than ourselves.  Romans 12:10 also tells us to be devoted to one another and honor one another.  In the context of your marriage, do you treat your spouse with honor and devotion?  Do you let them know that they are more important than you are?  Men, this does not mean that you are removed from being the head of the relationship.  Women, this does not mean that you are not to submit to your husband’s leadership.  This does mean that you are to look for ways to meet the needs of your spouse before you consider your needs.

Verse 4 basically explains verse 3.  As humans, we are going to make sure that our needs are met.  We make sure that we are fed and clothed.  Our basic needs are tended to most of the time and we pretty much look after that for ourselves.  This verse is telling us to consider the needs and interests of others before our own.  In your marriage, a simple way to see you have this attitude is by examining where you go out to eat each time.  Do you only insist on going to yoServe Like Jesusur favorite restaurant?  Are you willing to go to your spouse’s favorite restaurant, even if you do not like it?  Yes, this might be a silly illustration.  Yet, this illustration can show if you are selfish in your marriage.

Selfishness will kill your marriage.  Living out these two verses, along with others, will move you away from being selfish to being a servant to your spouse.  Jesus came to serve us, therefore we should serve our mates in the same way.

How can you tell when you are being selfish?

Brad 2014

Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

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HOW DO I GET MY SPOUSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN? Pt. 5

August 18, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

Fall In LoveIf you have been reading each installment of “How Can I Get My Spouse To Love Me Again?”, you should realize that there is no magical formula to get someoneGenie & Aladdin to fall in love with someone else.  It’s like Genie tells Aladdin, “I can’t make someone fall in love with you.”  But what Genie could do for Aladdin was to change him into someone that Jasmine might be willing to love.

There are two final verses that I believe will help in creating the right environment for love in your marriage relationship.  The first verse is called the Golden Rule.  Matthew 7:12 (NLT)  12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

As a married couple, this seems like a no-brainer.  If you want your spouse to treat you with respect, then you must respect them.  If you want him/her to be understanding, then you must be understanding.  If you treat your spouse with contempt and anger, then you can expect that in return.Golden Rule

One of the things that I have done recently is to ask my wife if she feels that I am treating her with respect and understanding.  In the same line of questioning, I’ve asked her how I could be more understanding and respectful.  When I ask these types of questions, usually Lisa will open up and share with me her hurts, confusions, and her needs.  When she does that, I must admit that sometimes it is difficult for me not to be defensive.  But if I want to be more loving, I take down my defenses and allow her to share in a way that is safe and encouraging for her to be open and honest.  If you want to be able to create that loving environment, lose your defenses and treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.

The second passage is Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT) 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

These verses are written to a church congregation, but are very applicable to a married couple.  Selfishness kills marital love.  If one person in the relationship always takes from the other and never gives back, then the giver will run out of something to give.  It is important for both spouses to feel that they are not in the relationship alone.  Each needs to feel a sense of togetherness and selflessness.  Verse 4 implies that a person makes sure their own needs and interests are met, but at the same time interest in the other person is very important.  Are you controlling?  Do you always have to have your way about what TV program to watch?  What about which restaurant you go to?  What about how you spend your free time as a couple?  Who does all the cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.?  In any area of your marriage, consideration of your spouse is very important.  What are their needs or interests?  Do you even know?  Take the time to learn your spouse’s needs, desires, interests, likes and dislikes.  When you do these things, you begin creating an environment that is safe to love as well as creating a person that is loving.  Prayerfully, your spouse will respond to the love that is being shown.

What are your thoughts concerning this series?  I would love for you to share them in the comment section below.

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Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

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