If you have been reading each installment of “How Can I Get My Spouse To Love Me Again?”, you should realize that there is no magical formula to get someone to fall in love with someone else. It’s like Genie tells Aladdin, “I can’t make someone fall in love with you.” But what Genie could do for Aladdin was to change him into someone that Jasmine might be willing to love.
There are two final verses that I believe will help in creating the right environment for love in your marriage relationship. The first verse is called the Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12 (NLT) 12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
As a married couple, this seems like a no-brainer. If you want your spouse to treat you with respect, then you must respect them. If you want him/her to be understanding, then you must be understanding. If you treat your spouse with contempt and anger, then you can expect that in return.
One of the things that I have done recently is to ask my wife if she feels that I am treating her with respect and understanding. In the same line of questioning, I’ve asked her how I could be more understanding and respectful. When I ask these types of questions, usually Lisa will open up and share with me her hurts, confusions, and her needs. When she does that, I must admit that sometimes it is difficult for me not to be defensive. But if I want to be more loving, I take down my defenses and allow her to share in a way that is safe and encouraging for her to be open and honest. If you want to be able to create that loving environment, lose your defenses and treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.
The second passage is Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT) 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
These verses are written to a church congregation, but are very applicable to a married couple. Selfishness kills marital love. If one person in the relationship always takes from the other and never gives back, then the giver will run out of something to give. It is important for both spouses to feel that they are not in the relationship alone. Each needs to feel a sense of togetherness and selflessness. Verse 4 implies that a person makes sure their own needs and interests are met, but at the same time interest in the other person is very important. Are you controlling? Do you always have to have your way about what TV program to watch? What about which restaurant you go to? What about how you spend your free time as a couple? Who does all the cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.? In any area of your marriage, consideration of your spouse is very important. What are their needs or interests? Do you even know? Take the time to learn your spouse’s needs, desires, interests, likes and dislikes. When you do these things, you begin creating an environment that is safe to love as well as creating a person that is loving. Prayerfully, your spouse will respond to the love that is being shown.
What are your thoughts concerning this series? I would love for you to share them in the comment section below.
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.