Yesterday I began a series of blogs entitled “How Can I Make My Spouse Love Me Again.” ( http://wp.me/p4Le1U-aD ) I have been asked this question by many different people, both men and women. It seems like that we are continually “falling into and out of love” in our society today. Everything seems to be pointing us to the thought “Whatever makes us happy.” I have been told “I’m not happy in my marriage any more” countless number of times. There is even a new show on television, Satisfaction, that promotes adultery to keep a married man “happy.” I believe that God gives us the proper way to stay “in love” with the spouse that we married from the very beginning. Today I want to share with you some thoughts from scripture about how a woman can encourage her husband to “fall in love with her again.”
The first thing that you should do is: Respect Your Husband. Respecting your husband might be one of the most difficult things you do. From the very beginning, Eve struggled with this concept just as Adam struggled with leading her. After the encounter with The Serpent, God gave the judgements to each of the individuals involved. When He came to Eve, He said,
Genesis 3:16 (NLT)
16 Then he said to the woman,
“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
and in pain you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.*” (Bold Italics Mine)
Other translations leave out to control, but the previous interpretation seems to be pretty accurate from what I have studied. Our society has truly torn down the man’s role as the leader of the marriage as well as torn down man’s role as a leader in most areas of life. Now I am not wanting to start a major discussion on feminism or male chauvinism. I am simply stating how I believe love remains in a marriage relationship. Ladies, your husband’s greatest need is to be respected. A man feels respect primarily in two ways. The first is by what he accomplishes in his life. Included in this area is his work as well as his hobbies. If he feels successful and accomplished, he probably feels respected.
The second way he feels respected is by the way he is treated at home, primarily by his wife. Women, your man needs you to follow him and not to argue with him about everything. I will let you in on a secret, my wife is probably smarter than I in many areas. If I would have listened to her on several occasions, I would not have made some of the mistakes that I have made. Yet, God tells me to be the leader and tells her to follow. I am not saying that you do not have a voice, but I am saying that if you want your husband to love you, you must respect him and follow him.
1 Peter 3:1 (NASB95)
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. . .
The second thing I would say is: Don’t Nag! As I have already stated, you might be smarter than your husband. You might not agree with everything that he suggests or decides to do. But the Bible is clear that you are not supposed to be argumentative and contentious. When you nag your husband, you are not presenting yourself as very lovable. I believe that you have the right to share your opinion and that you have a voice in the decisions for your family. Once your voice is shared, it is up to you to be a Godly woman and follow your husband.
Nagging also includes complaining about what you do not have. If you are not content with the life that you have and are always complaining about not having nicer things or newer clothes, etc. I guarantee that your husband feels disrespected. I actually know of a couple who divorced over the fact that the husband did not buy the car that the wife wanted, but rather bought one that cost more than $25,000 less than the desired car. I know that there were other issues involved, but this was the final “straw.”
Finally, let me encourage you to: Respond to Your Husband’s Sexual Advances. Again, you want your husband to feel respected. If you continually turn him down, he thinks you are being disrespectful. You might even want to be the aggressor at times. I know that is not natural for most women, but if you are afraid that your husband is not “in love with you” any more, then you will need to do some things differently.
I realize that I am writing from a man’s perspective, but my wife does read my blogs. The next post will address some of the steps men need to take to help their wives “Fall In Love With Them Again.”
I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave them in the comment section below.
Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries
After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry. The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.