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Keeping Score in Marriage

October 21, 2014 By bwatson 6 Comments

CMBA_challenge_14 (1)The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association is doing a challenge consisting of Words of Wisdom from different sources. This week’s source is to be from a friend.  As I have thought about all the different marriage advice that I have received over the years, the one item that keeps coming to my mind is …

Don’t Keep Score!!

We live in such a competitive society that piece of advice can be very difficult to maintain.  People compete on all levels of life now.  Our society has made everything a competition.  Some competitions can be fun and enjoyable.  Playing miniature golf or pool should be fun and relaxing.  A couple should be able to enjoy laughing and cutting up while engaging in such an innocent form of competition.  Cards and board games should carry the same level of amusement for the Keeping Score 2couple.  Yes, there will be a “winner,” but the key question is “Do we win as a couple as we play?”. 

Keeping score during these games is natural and should be fun.  Does it get so fierce that your relationship is stretched or even damaged?

Other ways that we are tempted to keep score are not as fun nor as natural as when we play games.  We can be tempted to keep score on who loves the most or who does the most.  The issues become points of contention in our relationship.  They will cause division and not bring us together.  The ultimate goal of marriage is being ONE.  The one cannot compete against itself.  Unity, companionship, and intimacy are all part of becoming ONE.  Are you working toward that goal?

Here a few questions to ask yourself when you began thinking that your marriage is a competition.

  1. Is my spouse my partner or my enemy?  Too many times in our marriage we began to view our mate as the enemy.  He/she is not the enemy!  “For our struggle is not against [a]flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Eph. 6:12 NASB)  Don’t treat him/her as the enemy, but rather your partner or teammate.
  2. Am I working toward Oneness?  A covenant marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s relationship with the church.  The church cannot function properly without Christ as the head of the church.  The church will not function properly without each member doing their part within the body of Christ.  The same is true for the marriage relationship.  Each spouse has to do his/her part in order for the marriage to function properly.  We have to function as one.
  3. Am I focusing on Me or We?  I believe that Eph. 5:21, which says “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” carries over into the following discussion of marriage in verses 22-33.  Therefore, the role of each spouse is one of submission to each other as you would submit to Christ.  If we focus on ME, we lose sight of Christ.  If we focus on our spouse, we lose sight of Christ.  We need to focus on WE, which includes Christ.  This shift in our focus will bring about the intimacy that is truly desired.

Don’t Keep Score.  Our marriage is not a competition.  It is a journey toward intimacy that God planned from the very beginning.  Are you working toward that goal?

Brad 2014Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

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A Meaningful Father – Son Conversation

October 13, 2014 By bwatson Leave a Comment

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This past week I had the opportunity to go home to sit with my dad while he was in the hospital.  I got to sit with him during the night times while my mom stayed with him during the day time.  Over the past few years, I have had this opportunity several times.  This time was different as I was alone with my dad a great deal of the time.  We talked about a lot of different topics from sports, family, health, and marriage.  Our relationship over the years focused on primarily sports and work.  My dad took me to professional and college sporting events from as long as I can remember.  I grew up going to see the Houston Astros when Caesar Cedeno, Bob Watson, and Roger Metzger played. (Just to name a few of the players I remember.)  My dad took me to see the Houston Rockets play back when they played in the Hoffeinz Pavilion.  Rudy T was the player I remember the most along with Moses Malone when he played for the Rockets.  I know that my memory is not as good as it ought to be when it comes to players.  In December of 1971, my dad and I got to go see the Cowboys play when Texas Stadium first opened.  Craig Morton and Roger Staubach rotated as quarterback most of that season.  Calvin Hill was the running back.  I realize that I could continue to talk about all the players my dad took me to go see as I was growing up.  Most of our relationship was built around sports.  I am not saying that my dad has not been a great dad.  He not only took me to many ball games of all kinds, he also taught me the importance of going to church and doing for others.

There were two times this past week that I felt were the most important parts of the time with my dad.

  1. He talked about his relationship with my mom, his wife.  He told me about the first time he saw my mom on the college campus.  He said that the first time he saw her, he told the individual that he was with that she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.  As he was talking about that day, he lit up like a Christmas tree.  He continued talking about how he knew that God had put her into his life and that she was God’s gift to him for the rest of his life.  So far they have been married for 61 years.  What a legacy that he has given me.
  2. During the couple of nights that I stayed with him, he began talking to me about who I am.  He commented on my willingness to stay with him and meet his needs while I was there.  He actually made the statement “You didn’t get that from me.”  I am not sure that was a true statement as I have seen him serve others in a lot of different ways.  His statements to me were very humbling as he has always been someone that I have looked up to over my life.

The importance of these conversations to me hopefully will help me be a better dad and husband.  To hear my dad talk about how God has given him a wife as a gift so many years ago reinforces my perspective of my wife.  My wife is also a gift from God.  As long as you have that perspective, you can have the endurance to go the distance in marriage.  Life can be very difficult at times.  During those difficulties, you need a strong foundation.  That foundation has to be built on God and His involvement in your marriage.  My dad shared with me his private relationship with God.  This was a first time for that.  I have always known that my dad was a Christian, but this past week he made it very personal.  Again, he allowed me a close look at his foundation.  I hope that I can share my life with my children in a way that will help build their foundations.

Brad 2014Bradley D. Watson, BCBT
Directed Path Ministries

After spending more than 25 years on church staffs, God has allowed me to take the experiences and knowledge that I gained to develop a Biblical Counseling ministry.  The basis of this ministry is to allow God’s Word to shine on the main issues in peoples’ lives in order to bring His resolutions to problems.

Develop The Life and Marriage You Desire

 

CMBA

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