The Leader and His Marriage

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downloadHave you ever noticed how many leaders experience marital problems?  I have been in the ministry for over 30 years and I have seen many ministerial leaders experience adultery and divorce on so many different levels.  Now that I am in the counseling ministry, I have seen the same is true for leaders in all walks of life.  I have begun paying attention to some of the problems that seem to be prevalent in these marriages.  No matter how good a leader a person is does not exempt him from problems in his life and his marriage.

Problem #1:  Most leaders are task oriented people.  They are Type A personalities or if you prefer, they are D on the DISC model.  What that means is that they are driven and they over look people because of the task at hand.  When a person is totally focused on the tasks at hand as well as thinking about the production associated with the task, he totally forgets about the people involved in the process.  Or he thinks about what the others can do for him.  Again, this leader tends to look at other people as assets or maybe liabilities and not necessarily as people.

Obviously this mindset is not conducive to a good marriage.  The wife begins to feel nothing more than an employee at best.  She does not feel like a life partner; rather she feels used and many times abused by this type of husband.

Problem #2:  Most leaders are strong decision makers.  In business it is imperative that the leader is able to make good, quick decisions without a great deal of hesitation.  Many times the leader does not even listen to the advise of his advisors as he believes he knows what is best for the moment.

Again, I believe you can understand why this mindset does not work in marriage very often.  The wife feels she has much to offer to the relationship and to the plans for the relationship.  If she is never talked to nor listened to, then she will begin to feel unimportant and insecure.

Problem #3:  Most leaders are workaholics.  Leaders tend to spend most of their time “running” their businesses.  They wake up early and go to bed late.  They even eat at the office or on the road.  They feel that they just cannot spare even 30 minutes of their day to spend with their wife in such a mundane event as eating.

This mindset also is not beneficial to a good marriage.  The relationship needs to be fostered and cared for.  A person cannot expect to have a good marriage if there is not time spent nurturing the emotional connection that is needed for the marriage to flourish.

Let’s look briefly at how what the Bible says about marriage.  

Ephesians 5:25-30 (NASB95)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.

There are several important lessons a leader can learn from this passage of scripture concerning his marriage.  I will just point out a couple of these lessons.

Lesson #1:  A leader must love his wife sacrificially.  When you think about Christ’s love for the church, the first thing that should come to mind is the fact that he died on the cross to save His bride.  He was not selfish in any way.  His love for his bride transcended her faults and her inadequacies and He showed His love through the crossFeet Washing

Another way Christ showed His love was through serving His disciples.  The most poignant example of this is when He washed the disciples feet.  I wonder how the wife of a leader would feel if he humbled himself to the point of meeting such a basic need?

Lesson #2:  A leader must nurture and cherish his wife.  These two words speak specifically to fostering the relationship.  In order to foster the relationship, time must be spent listening to and caring for your wife.  

Again, Jesus spent time with His disciples.  He ate meals with them and invited them into His life.  Jesus shared with His disciples many of His plans.  Jesus’ disciples were shown that they were important to Him and never a burden to Him.  Not one time did Jesus make the disciples feel less than because of the mistakes they made.  He would lovingly correct them as needed, but He always let them know theta they were loved and needed.

I understand that husbands (leaders) are being compared to the Perfect Son of God.  I also realize that no one else has ever lived up to His perfection.  Yet, this passage of scripture tells us to use Him as our example.  Many of us have to learn to put aside our decision making skills, our plans, and our drive so that we can listen, learn and love our wives.  I promise when we learn to do these things, our marriage will flourish!!

Does God Answer Prayer with Sin?

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A young couple had been married for several years and they had reached a point that they were not satisfies in their marriage.  Something was missing.  They had children, owned their house, and drove fairly nice cars.  Each had jobs that kept them busy and then they chased kids during the evening.  They had very full lives but still there was something missing!!  The wife began to pray about having a better husband.  See, her husband said he was a Christian, but each Sunday he chose to stay home rather than go to church.  He worked most Saturdays and so Sunday was the only day he could sleep in or do whatever “he wanted to do.”  This attitude left his wife wanting more in the relationship.  The husband would argue with her that he was working so much to provide for her needs as well as the kids needs.  Those arguments still left her wanting more.  He would just get angry and go out to the shop or work in the yard.  He was a good dad, most of the time.  He went to the kids events, when he could.  He helped around the house, he thought.  He was a good provider and that should be enough.  The wife continued to pray for a better husband.  One day she was talking with a man at her work.  He was married and faithful to church.  She started thinking that she wanted a husband like this man, which the more they talked she decided she wanted this man.  What she didn’t realize was that he too was going through some struggles at home and he was looking for more.  She began to believe that this was God’s will for them both to divorce their spouses and marry each other.

I could go on with this story.  Many of you have heard it before or even could write a better version. I begin with this story today in order to address a question that I believe many Christians have answered incorrectly…Does God answer our prayers with sin?  Your immediate response to this question should be a resounding “NO,” yet the scenario mentioned above is far too common in the church.  Why do we even consider such a thing as God answering our prayers with an answer that leads us to sin?  Here are a few suggestions as to why.

  • People have the wrong idea of God.  We understand that God is loving, merciful, and full of grace.  We concentrate on those aspects of God.  (I am very thankful for the grace and mercy He shows me daily.)  We forget that God is equally as just, holy, and righteous.  We also do not wrong to think about the wrath of God.  We have put God in a box that mostly reflects what we would like in a god.  We do not see God as who He really is.
  • People are selfish.  I know that this is an obvious statement.  We allow our selfishness to control our thoughts and our actions.  In our selfishness, we are also impatient when it comes to waiting on God to answer our prayers in His timing.  When we pray for God to change someone or our circumstances, we must allow Him to do His work.  Sometimes, God does things immediately while other times He works methodically which takes time.
  • People have their own idea of how the prayer is to be answered.  When we pray, do we want God’s solution or do we want God to bless our solution?  I know that Psalmist says that “God will give us the desires of our hearts.”  What people fail to realize is that there are conditions to that promise.  “Delight yourself in the Lord,” “Commit your way to the Lord,” and “Trust in Him” are the three conditions to the promise. (Psalms 37:4-5) When we are willing to follow the conditions, He is willing to give us the desires of our heart.  Not before.

The Bible says in James 1:13b “and He Himself does not tempt anyone.”  God has never tempted anyone to sin.  He would not answer a prayer with a sin.  When someone tells you that God has told them to do something that is sin, don’t believe them.  God will not and does not go against His Word at any time.  It is important that as we walk on our journey with God that we consider that God is wanting our lives to give Him glory and show His character to others.  We cannot do that if we give God credit for the sin in our lives.

I’m De HEAD!!

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HeadI’m De’ Head!!

 

 

I’ve heard men actually say that in counseling sessions.  I’ve had to laugh when someone has said that.  I thought for a minute that they would start beating their chest to prove their dominance.  I remember reading in a book that if you had to announce your headship, you weren’t the head.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB95)

3  But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Ephesians 5:23 (NASB95)

23  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

These two verses are the two that point to the fact that a man is the head of his wife and therefore is responsible as such.  What does it mean for a man to be the head of his wife?

Here are a couple of thoughts about this Biblical principle.

  1. It is a God-given responsibility.  It does not say anything about the man being smarter or better than the wife.  It is a position that is given based on God’s order and design.
  2. This responsibility has a perfect example as Ephesians 5 says.  A man’s example of how to be the head is Jesus Christ.  You might be thinking that it is an impossibility to follow that example, so why try?  We try because it is what is best for our marriage as well as our relationship with God.
  3. This position can be misused and abused easily.  Many men try to dominate their wives which is not leading them.  Other men try to pacify their wives, which allows the wives to be the leaders.  Both of these are abuses/misuses of the position.

Let’s look at our example and how He interacted with the people He was sent to lead.

 

  1. Jesus was a servant.  The main stories of Jesus serving the disciples is found in John 13.  Jesus washed the feet of his disciples.  Understanding the humility of His actions is Feet Washingextremely important.  Jesus could have required someone else to do this because he was the master, yet he chose to do it himself.  As husbands we must be humble and be willing to serve as it is needed.
  2. Jesus was compassionate.  There are several examples of his compassion with people.  How he interacted with children, how he spoke with the “woman at the well,” how he was non-judgmental with the woman who anointed his feet with the oil and wiped his feet with her hair are a few of the examples that come to my mind this morning.  Husband, are you compassionate with your wife?  Do you care about her feelings, wants, and needs?
  3. Jesus was forgiving.  On several occasions Jesus told people that their sins were forgiven.  I guess the main story of that is found when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in adultery for Jesus to judge.  If we are going to be the godly head of our wife, we have to have a forgiving spirit.  No one has a perfect wife (mine is close tho) and therefore, we must be willing to forgive.

I could continue to show things about Jesus that we are to follow His example in doing as we lead our wives, but I am not trying to write a book with this blog post.

I want to conclude with what I think is the most important aspect of following Jesus’ example of being the head.

Jesus spent time with The Father.  Jesus PrayingMen if we are going to lead our wives as we are supposed to, our relationship with God must be growing and dynamic.  Without spending time with God through prayer and reading His word, we will not know how to follow Jesus’ example and will not be a good head.

When we follow Our Lord’s example, we will NOT have to declare that we are the head. It will be obvious!!

Married Forever

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The marriage vows, “Till Death Do Us Part,” seem to have lost their significance. Divorce is rampant all around us, including in the leadership of the church. I know pastors that are serving in churches that are divorced and remarried. I know churches that just turn a blind eye to that fact. I have heard on many occasions by clients that “God told them to leave their spouse.” I always just ask, “Really?” I have a difficult time believing God tells anyone to go against His Word. God does not contradict Himself ever. Before I anger everyone reading this today, let me explain that I know there are Biblical reasons for divorce. I believe that a life of adultery is the main reason for divorce in scripture. I also believe that physical abuse is another Biblical reason. I believe that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, that is also a Biblical reason. I have heard some others try to add more reasons, but I think they are stretching scripture to fit their desires. Most of those are not the reasons I have heard the most recently. Why do people divorce most of the time? At least this is what I hear seemingly the most…”I am not happy and God wants me to be happy.” You know, I want to be happy. I like being happy. There are some days that I am deliriously happy. I’m not sure that I can prove that God ever says that He wants me to be happy. The word that is used over and over in the Bible is “joy.”

Jesus says These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. (John 15:11 NASB)

God created us to give Him glory and show the world our relationship with Him. He wants us to be full of His joy because the world doesn’t understand it. He wants us to be full of love for others, because that is a foreign idea to our society as well as our world. Now, let’s go back to marriage. God has designed marriage to reflect His relationship with man. Remember that the very first marriage was found in the Garden of Eden when Adam had a need that was unmet. God chose to meet that need with His gift of Eve. Why? Because there was an intimacy that God understood that was not being met in any other way. God saw and met the need in a way that would reflect man’s need for an intimate relationship with the Creator as well. It really aggravates me when I see people who just throw away their marriage and then say that God gave them permission to do so.

For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

You see, God says that He hates divorce and He actually hates the one that covers his garment with wrong. What I believe that means is that He hates the one that tries to excuse himself for doing what is wrong. Wow! Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I know that God has used the divorce of some to move them to a point of realizing they need a better relationship with Him. I have helped people get right with God after a divorce. I just wonder sometimes what marriage inside of the church would look like if more people would focus on being full of God’s joy, instead of selfish happiness. I wonder if people would focus on getting right with God within their marriages instead of getting out of the marriage and then getting right with God. If you are divorced, I am not judging you. I understand that every situation in different. I also believe that God loves you enough to die on the cross for your sins just as He has mine. He is more interested in His relationship with you than He is your marriage. I also realize that you might have a Biblical reason for divorce. Today I am writing this because I have seen and heard so many Christians say “God told me to get a divorce” while they did not have the Bible backing them up with what they were saying. Again, God never contradicts Himself. He never tells you to do something that cannot be backed up with scripture. Those of us who are married, let’s make sure we remember the vow “Till death do us part!”

The Man’s Greatest Need in Marriage

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The past several days I have been writing about the woman’s need for security and the different aspects of what that means. We’ve looked at being able to understand her, the reason for her need of security, creating security in your sexual life, as well as in your financial lives. Each of these is very important for men to be able to create the secure environment his wife needs for the marriage to be fulfilling for her. With this information, we are on the way to having a happy marriage…BUT there is another side of the scales that need to be balanced. The other side is the Greatest Need in a Man’s life.
When I ask the question, “What is your husband’s greatest need in a relationship with you?” The answer usually is more sex. Some people answer love or understanding. Some men might say that the answer is more time for hobbies. All of these answers are good, but not the Biblical answer.

Ephesians 5:22 (NASB)
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

This verse is not a popular verse in today’s society. They want to portray women who submit as weak and inferior. They say that submission is passé and old-fashion. The word that is used in the New Testament as submit means to place yourself under the leadership of someone else. The placement is a voluntary action. This action recognizes the line of authority that God has designed for the home.
It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.
The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures by Dallas Seminary Faculty.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB)
3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Ephesians 5:33 (NASB)
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

I want to focus on the need for men to be respected. We do not understand the word submit as well as we understand the word respect.
One of the aspects that need to be first understood is that women are supposed to respect, not because their husband is respectable but because God tells them to. (Just like men are supposed to love because God says so.) I realize that this can be difficult to do, because I do not always act in a respectable way. My wife, Lisa, cannot control me nor does she want to most of the time. Her job is to treat me with respect.
How are some ways that this will happen?
1. Talk respectfully. Do not belittle your husband. Do not argue with everything that he says. I am not telling you that you are not able to speak or that you cannot disagree with your husband. I am saying that when you do, you need to speak with respect in your voice.
2. Pray with him. Men desire to hear their wife pray out loud with them. I know that not everyone likes to pray out loud, but it does help in making your husband feel respected.
3. Follow him. God has made the husband the leader in the home. God did not ask anyone if that was a good idea or not. He set this hierarchy up in the Garden of Eden when He created Eve from Adam’s rib. Again, I believe a wife has the responsibility to share her desires and her needs. But, in the end, it is the responsibility for the husband to lead.
4. Have sex with him. Men feel respected when their advances are accepted. This is why so many men feel they need sex more is because they do not feel respected in their relationship with their wife.
There are other ways to help your husband feel respected. Tell him what he does well or what he does right. Encourage him to improve in areas that he needs to improve in.
Women, if you want your husband to realize that his marriage is very fulfilling you need to respect him. Ask him if he feels respected by you. Ask him how you can respect him more. It will bring both of you more satisfaction.

Sexual Security

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Yesterday I wrote The Woman’s Greatest Need in Marriage and I finished by giving a list of the areas women need security. Today I would like to discuss the area of sexual security for a woman and how a husband can make his wife feel secure sexually.

ImageWe live in a very sexually charged society. We cannot drive down the road without seeing sexually explicit billboards. We’ve all heard the adage that sex sells. Well everything from the beer companies to the car companies believes that statement. When we turn on the TV we see all kinds of degrees of sexual content from the commercials to the shows themselves. Even when we open our mailboxes, there can be ads that are not the most wholesome. So what do we do about all of this in our marriages?

Women, for the most part, are very conscientious about their bodies. They have been comparing themselves to photos and other women most of their lives. Do I look as good as so-and-so? How do I compare to ________? I don’t like this area of my body or any part of my body. Then they see the models or the ads and it can create even more frustration and insecurity than ever before. If a woman has a baby, her body changes and then more insecurities can be felt. As a woman gets older, insecurities can prevail in her thinking.

Wow, when we start thinking about how a woman can feel about herself, we can see how difficult it is to maintain security in our relationship with them. So how do we maintain security in our sexual lives with our wives?

  • Having Eyes just for them. We need to be cautious of who we look at and how we look. I realize that many men do not think that it is wrong to look at other women. I have been told, “even though I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” I can tell you that an attitude like that does not create a secure atmosphere for a wife. Men, we need to focus on making sure that we do not stare, gawk or really even look at someone else. Even the TV shows that we watch can create insecurity for our wives. How do we respond to commercials or to how the people are dressed in the programs that we watch are very important. A lot of the time, I close my eyes or look at my wife during certain commercials or programs. She then tells me when I can look. This action by me helps my wife feel secure in our relationship.

Job 31:1 (NASB)
1 “I have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?

Matthew 5:28 (NASB)
28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

  • NO PORN!! I realize that this one is similar to the first one, but I want to reiterate this point. Pornography is demeaning to women. Your wife believes that she cannot compete with the women in the pictures and would not be able to perform as those women perform in the videos. If you want your wife to feel secure with you, you cannot be involved in such behavior.
  • Complement your wife. Tell her that you find her attractive. Tell her what you like about her body in flattering ways. Do not talk nasty. Most women again find this demeaning. I know that I am talking in generalities, but most of the time they are right.

 Song of Songs 4:1 (NASB)
1 “How beautiful you are, my darling, How beautiful you are! Your eyes are like doves behind your veil; Your hair is like a flock of goats That have descended from Mount Gilead.

  • Talk about Sex. Talk about her needs and desires. Let her tell you what she likes. Let her guide you. It will be probably more enjoyable for you as well as for her. Tell her what you want and need. Wait for her response. Don’t force her to try something that she is uncomfortable with.

I know that these are just a few suggestions and there can be so much more written. I would love to hear how you can add to this.

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Friendship in Marriage

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The past couple of days I have been writing on communication, which is probably the most common issue that I see in my office while counseling couples. Another common problem is that couples that are struggling do not ever have any fun together. Now I am not talking about their sexual relationship. I am talking about just enjoying life together and having fun together. Their friendship is lacking. Each of the partners has friends that they like to have fun with. Guys liking to get together to watch football, go hunting, play golf, etc. while the women go shopping, go to the movies, or whatever together. The couple just does not spend any recreational time together.
I am not against having friends that we do things together with. Matter of fact, I encourage it. I believe that our relationships with others can enhance our relationship with our spouse. What I do I have a problem with is that we spend more time with our other friends and not have any time with our best friend. I know a lot of guys who think they can hang out with their buddies while their wife is at home with the kids and then expect her to respond favorably to his romantic advances. Most of the time, his expectations are not met.
One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the companion need. I know that Adam was the only person when God created Eve, but the principle is still applicable. We need our mate to be our companion, not just our sexual partner.
How do we accomplish this? How do we maintain a friendship with our mate throughout our marriage? A couple of things come to mind as I think about this subject.
1. Date regularly. Many of the marriage books recommend dating once per week. I know that can be expensive, yet can be very profitable for our marriages. I recommend doing things on dates that are not that expensive like going on picnics if you can take a lunch date. If you have children, maybe you can find another couple to switch out for childcare.
2. Find a common hobby. So many people like to do things that their mate does not like to do. I am not telling anyone not to hunt, fish, play golf, shop, or anything else their mate doesn’t like. What I am saying that there needs to be a common hobby; something that both of you would like to do together.
3. Do what your mate wants to do. I read about an avid golfer who was asked to play on a very exclusive course on day, but he told his friends no because he was going to the Art Museum. The response was “I didn’t know you were into art.” The golfer said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.”
These are just a few suggestions. There are many others that help keep the friendship going such as laughing together, touching daily, and then again just talking to each other.
Being friends is very important when you are on the journey of your lifetime called marriage. It really makes the journey go a lot easier.

Summary of Real Marriage

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I am always looking at books on marriage to read and evaluate for use in my ministry. There are so many good books out there on marriage and more are being written seems like every day. The last book that I read was Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll. What a book! I realize that many people have written comments about the book, some have been very positive while others have not been. I decided to read the book with an open mind so that I could truly hear what I needed to hear while I read the book. Even though I did not agree with everything the Driscolls said in the book, the main points on marriage, friendship, romance and the sexual relationship are points that I can totally agree.
The emphasis of Real Marriage is the relationship and the work that relationship takes for a marriage to be successful. We live in a day and time when marriages fail all the time, therefore it is time that pastors make the effort to teach some very practical applications to scripture in the areas of life that impact a marriage greatly. Mark and Grace do just that. I think that one area of the book that truly will help couples is the chapter on friendship. Too many times the husband or the wife or both do not include the other in their recreational activities. Most couples do not have a great deal of time to spend together and then they add stress to their relationship by not recreating together. Now I do not believe that the couple should spend every spare minute together, but if you do not spend time together recreationally the friendship within the marriage will falter. When that happens, the marriage begins to falter. It is true that the husband needs to have guy friends and the wife needs to have girl friends. But the best friend needs to be each other. I remember several years hearing John Maxwell talk about how he told one of his golfing buddies that he could not play gold on a certain day because he was going to an art museum. The buddy replied “I didn’t know you were into art.” Maxwell then said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.” I can personally vouch for the fact a museum can be fun when you go with you wife. I thought that the chapters of the book on the man’s role in the relationship and the woman’s role were very well written and concise with biblical principles to use in the marriage. I believe that when men and women understand the biblical role set out before them, their marriage relationship will improve immensely. Our society has so devalued the differences in gender and blurred the lines so much that we have lost sight of the fact that God created male and female in His image. Each gender reflects the nature of God and when put together, they reveal the image which God intended from the very beginning.

I thought that I might share some of my thoughts about what I disagreed with but I realized that it might detract from the fact that I truly enjoyed reading the book and agreed with the majority of it. I have read some of the scathing reviews of the book. I guess that I did not read this book with the same attitude of others, because I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a good book to read for some very practical help in their marriage. I will let you determine if the book is worth recommending to others.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

How would you describe your love for your spouse?

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Valentine’s Day is approaching very quickly.  If you walk into any store, you will see hearts, balloons, flowers, and lots of the colors red and pink.  Merchants are attempting to get us to spend money on our spouse, girl-friend, or boy-friend to celebrate a “day of love.”  Florists will have more orders for flowers than any other day of the year, except maybe Mother’s Day.  More cards are sold than any other card than Christmas cards and Mother’s Day cards.  Gifts of all sorts are bought while hotel rooms are rented well in advance for the little get-a-way around Valentine’s Day.  Now, am I against such spending?  NO WAY!!!  I will buy the cards and maybe even the flowers or a gift.  I will want to go out on a date or maybe I might fix a romantic dinner for two at my house.  The plans are still in the works, I promise.   You will have to wait and see what I decide to do and then only if I decide to write about it will you actually know what happens at my house for a Valentine’s Day celebration.

The reason that I bring up all the hype of Valentine’s Day is that many times we want to shower our loved ones with gifts on just special occasions, but we do not want to show love on an everyday occurrence.  Let me ask you a simple question, “What does love look like to you?”  Another way of wording the same question would be, “What are your expectations in your love relationship?”  The question I think is a simple one to ask, but the answer might be much more complex.  Gary Chapman wrote a book a number of years ago entitled, The Five Love Languages. He has since written about teenagers, children, and even now about apologies.  We all have different ways of saying “I love you.”  I personally think that every married couple should read that book, but this writing today is not to be centered on how we say “I love you,” but rather what are we saying when we say “I love you.”

The Bible uses a word in the original language that most people have heard that we translate as love and that word is αγαπε (agape).  Agape love is the love that describes God, God’s relationship with man, Man’s relationship with God, and Man’s relationship with his wife.  The love is a love that is totally unconditional and selfless.  It is a self-sacrificial love that is given actually in spite of the fact the recipient does not necessarily deserve to be loved in such a way.  Agape love is not earned or deserved, it is given.

With those thoughts on the word LOVE, how would you describe your love for your spouse today?  Would you say that your love is sacrificial or selfless?  Or would you have to say that your love is selfishly motivated?  I am not trying to accuse anyone with these questions.  I am attempting to cause you to focus on your relationship with your spouse from a Biblical perspective, which in turn will enable your relationship to go the distance.  Unconditional love can stand the test of time.  Every one of us will change over the years.  Age catches up to us in all kinds of different ways.  Some of us have put on a pound or two extra, (maybe a lot more than that) while some of us have lost our hair.  Some people’s hair has changed colors while others have changed the color of their hair.  Eye-sights change, hearing changes, as well as even some personalities will change.   With all of the changing that takes place over the course of a lifetime, there needs to be a foundation that the relationship is built on in order for it to maintain a sense of stability and that foundation has to be Αγαπε Love!

Do you have it?  Are you sharing it with your spouse so that every day is a Valentine’s Day?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB)
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails;

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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Location & Phone Number

5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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