Summary of Real Marriage

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I am always looking at books on marriage to read and evaluate for use in my ministry. There are so many good books out there on marriage and more are being written seems like every day. The last book that I read was Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll. What a book! I realize that many people have written comments about the book, some have been very positive while others have not been. I decided to read the book with an open mind so that I could truly hear what I needed to hear while I read the book. Even though I did not agree with everything the Driscolls said in the book, the main points on marriage, friendship, romance and the sexual relationship are points that I can totally agree.
The emphasis of Real Marriage is the relationship and the work that relationship takes for a marriage to be successful. We live in a day and time when marriages fail all the time, therefore it is time that pastors make the effort to teach some very practical applications to scripture in the areas of life that impact a marriage greatly. Mark and Grace do just that. I think that one area of the book that truly will help couples is the chapter on friendship. Too many times the husband or the wife or both do not include the other in their recreational activities. Most couples do not have a great deal of time to spend together and then they add stress to their relationship by not recreating together. Now I do not believe that the couple should spend every spare minute together, but if you do not spend time together recreationally the friendship within the marriage will falter. When that happens, the marriage begins to falter. It is true that the husband needs to have guy friends and the wife needs to have girl friends. But the best friend needs to be each other. I remember several years hearing John Maxwell talk about how he told one of his golfing buddies that he could not play gold on a certain day because he was going to an art museum. The buddy replied “I didn’t know you were into art.” Maxwell then said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.” I can personally vouch for the fact a museum can be fun when you go with you wife. I thought that the chapters of the book on the man’s role in the relationship and the woman’s role were very well written and concise with biblical principles to use in the marriage. I believe that when men and women understand the biblical role set out before them, their marriage relationship will improve immensely. Our society has so devalued the differences in gender and blurred the lines so much that we have lost sight of the fact that God created male and female in His image. Each gender reflects the nature of God and when put together, they reveal the image which God intended from the very beginning.

I thought that I might share some of my thoughts about what I disagreed with but I realized that it might detract from the fact that I truly enjoyed reading the book and agreed with the majority of it. I have read some of the scathing reviews of the book. I guess that I did not read this book with the same attitude of others, because I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a good book to read for some very practical help in their marriage. I will let you determine if the book is worth recommending to others.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

Reconciling Relationships

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Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 NASB)

I know that this verse is one that many Christians learn early in their lives. (I remember memorizing this verse as a child in Vacation Bible School.) I want to delve into the meaning of this verse a little.

How many times has someone done something to offend you or hurt your feelings? Have you ever had an argument with someone knowing you were ‘right’ yet you acted very ugly in trying to prove your point? Now I know the answer to both of these questions. I know that all of us have been offended time after time, even by those whom are closest to us. I also know that we all have been in arguments that we allowed our emotions to get the best of us. So what do we do now that these things have happened? How can we learn to handle these same circumstances when they arise again?

I believe the first step in reconciling the relationship that is being effected by the past is to be forgiving. Most of the time being forgiving means forgiving yourself. I have been told several times ‘I cannot forgive myself.’ I realize that forgiving ourselves is a difficult thing to do because we cannot forget our behavior. There are many times that I am plagued with thoughts of my bad behavior or the things that I have done wrong. The negative thoughts can haunt us with doubts about ourselves for a long time if we let them. God is willing to forgive us of all our sins, even the worst ones! We have to begin looking at ourselves with God’s eyes. He is able to separate us from the sin itself. He judges us based on who we are and not what we do. We have to work on doing the same thing.

The second step in reconciling the relationship is empathizing with the other person. When you have offended someone, try putting yourself in their shoes. While doing so, answer a couple of questions about the situation from the other person’s perspective. The first question is, “How would I like it, if I were treated the same way by someone?”. The bible tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated. We call this ‘The Golden Rule’. If all of us would stop and think about how we like to be treated, our relationships would be a lot different. The second question is, “What are the circumstances that are influencing the other person’s behavior?” Now, you might be asking the importance to the second question. When we understand the other person and attempt to connect with them, we can begin to see ourselves through their eyes. When we are able to see ourselves the same way the offended does, we become more compassionate toward that person as well as more repentant. This action creates an attitude of humility and gentleness.

The third and probably the most important step is forgiving the other person. An understanding of what forgiveness means is imperative. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. Our brains are not designed to forget certain things. Forgiveness is NOT equal to reconciliation. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that the relationship is automatically reconciled.
Forgiveness IS choosing not to hold the other person responsible of their offense. Or in another words, separating the offender from the offense; as God does for us. Forgiveness IS choosing to be willing to work on reconciling the relationship. Without forgiveness, reconciliation is impossible. Forgiveness IS a gift. A gift is given based on the giver, not the receiver. Again, just as God forgives us!
How do we forgive now? I could write a great deal about this, but in this article I want to focus on just one aspect of forgiving. We must recognize our own hurt emotions and accept them. We cannot blame the other person, or we will not forgive. When we can accept our emotions, we then want to replace the negative, hurt emotions with God’s healing and His acceptance. His love for us is unconditional and is totally founded in His character. Once we get to this point, we can forgive.

The final step in reconciling the relationship is moving toward reconciliation. Many things can be written on this subject as well; which will come later. The process includes expressing your forgiveness, seeking their forgiveness, building boundaries, and agreeing on changing behaviors. I know I could add a great deal more, which I will elaborate in the near future.

Are we willing to exemplify Ephesians 4:32? Can we be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving? Following these steps should help!

School Memories

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This summer was my 30th high school reunion, which unfortunately I was unable to attend. But, I am a member of our high school group on FaceBook and much of the discussion since the event has been about teachers and our education. One person listed her teachers along with the school nurse. Wow, what a memory! I almost remember my teachers’ names. Unfortunately, I do not remember all of my teachers. I also do not remember everyone in my classes over the years, but I have had fun trying to remember people in the pictures that are posted. While all of this has been taking place, I have begun thinking about the impact certain teachers and events have had on my life.

One teacher that I comes to my mind is Ms. Crabtree. In the sixth grade, I thought I had met the meanest teacher in the world. Her rules in the class were extremely strict and her tests were out of this world. I remember failing history tests, not by just a little but a whole lot. Really I thing she felt sorry for me and passed me to the seventh grade. I had never encountered such difficulties in school. I was always an A student, until her class. One of the impacts that she had on my life was learning to learn. Ms. Crabtree knew she was a hard teacher, but she also knew what it took to prepare her students for the next steps in life. One subject that I did well in her class was grammar. She taught us to diagram sentences, which we all wondered why. Many of us was complain, yet I learned more that year in English probably than any other year. Ms. Crabtree’s insistence of teaching us diagramming prepared me for not only high school English, but also my Greek classes in college as well as seminary. I actually had the opportunity to go back and thank her for that experience.

Many of my other teachers were equally as good as teachers, but I think Ms. Crabtree had the biggest influence on my learning experience because she was the first one that was that hard. Many of my teachers cared about me. My elementary music teacher, Mrs. Youngblood, went to my church and really helped me learn how to sing. She even helped me some after school. Mrs. Cary, my math teacher in 6th and 7th grades, prepared me for the future classes. She knew my dad, which helped me stay in line. That is until she had back surgery and my best friend and I switched names for 6 weeks. We would have gotten away with it, but I had an orthodontist appointment one day during math class. That was not a good thing.

I could continue about several of my high school teachers, ranging from my English teachers to my coaches. Each teacher had a different impact on my life. I have to admit that some of the impacts were not as positive as others. I thank God for my days in the Nederland ISD.

The reason for me to write about my former school days and some of my memories is to point out to all the teachers that will be starting back to school in the next week or so, you are making impacts on your students lives. I remember when we moved from Bay City to Texarkana, my wife was asked by one of her students ‘what am I going to do know? You are the only English teacher I have passed.’. It wasn’t that she was so easy, but rather he wanted to work for her because he knew she cared. Teachers, let me ask you a question. Do you care about your students? Do they know you care? Many of the students in our school systems today have very little support at home. These students do not have discipline in their lives, nor do they truly know love. I wonder if as a teacher you could ask God to give you a special amount of grace for your students this year. My wife has been teaching for almost 20 years and it gets more difficult each year. Having to teach toward standardized tests is a major hassle, I realize that. As students, we were thought to think for ourselves. We were not taught to regurgitate information. One more question, why did you get into teaching in the first place? I bet it was to make an impact on future generations. I believe the only true impact comes from showing God’s love to people. Will the teachers share that love this year?

If you are not a teacher, will you join me in praying for our teachers to have God’s love for their students? School is so important, as are our teachers. Let’s join together to help make this impact.

Mother’s Day

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Titus 2:3-5 (NASB)
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

I realize that Mother’s Day was yesterday, but I wanted to write some of my thoughts about the day that we have set aside for moms.  I know that not everyone has the same feelings about Mother’s Day as I have, but I think that the day can be a very special day.  I also understand that the day can bring about negative feelings or sadness for some who have lost their moms in the past year or moms who have lost children.  I pray that as you read this, your thoughts are of the preciousness of your mom or your children.

Yesterday as I was praying and thanking God for my mom, Shirley Watson, I was reminded of the special lady who gave me life and chose to give me up for adoption.  You see, that lady made a very brave choice in 1962 to allow her pregnancy to develop to full term and then give birth to someone who she would never see or hold or know anything about.  I am sure yesterday, if she is still living, she would wonder about that little boy that she gave birth to.  I just want to say thank you to God for giving her the courage and strength to do what she did.

My mom, Shirley Watson, _on the other hand had the strength and courage along with my dad, Doyle Watson, to adopt three children from situations they did not know a whole lot about.  As I was growing up, Mom was always there for me.  I remember one day sliding down a slide in our backyard right into an ant hill.  I was covered with ants and she took care of me.  I remember when Bimbo died.  I was about 4 and how she consoled me.  My mom chose to stay at home and work with her three children to make sure they had the very best and very safe place to live.  We might not have had everything, but we had everything that was important.  When I go home to Nederland now, I still go to the house that I grew up in.  Sure there have been add-ons and the street has been widened, but it is still the house on the corner that carries so many memories.  As I have gotten older, I have wondered how we could play such wonderful games of kick-ball in our small backyard.  So many of the neighborhood kids came to our house to play.  There was always Mom there to help referee when needed as well as provide refreshments to everyone.  Mom taught me so much as I was growing up.  She taught me how to be fair with others as well as to accept others, regardless of their backgrounds.  She taught me discipline in many areas of my life.  She always wanted me to be as well rounded as possible.  (I think I’m rounded in areas she did not intend now though.)  I remember her wanting me to continue taking piano lessons even though I thought they interfered with my basketball playing.  I guess I could go on for a long time reminiscing about growing up with a mom that chose to adopt me and love me unconditionally.  Sometimes even now she helps me see the truth in life and how to apply it daily with the people closest to me.

This morning on the TV, while I was at the gym, some ladies were talking about the different attitudes toward motherhood.  I actually got aggravated with some of their opinions. (It was the only thing on the TV’s in the gym at the time.)  Let me tell you.  Having a mom that put you before life itself and maybe her personal dreams and aspirations is the greatest gift a person can ever have.  The example of love and devotion that I received growing up on the corner of 21st and Elgin in Nederland, TX is something that can never be replaced.  Thank you Mom for loving Dad with all of your heart (for 58 years this summer) as well as giving yourself totally to your three children!!!!  What an example of a Titus 2 woman you have been for all around you.  Thanks again.

Loving Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

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I realize that Valentine’s Day has passed several weeks ago and for many men that means we have another year before we need to focus on being romantic or showing a special effort of “loving” our wives.  I want to tell you that if that is your attitude, you are really struggling in your relationship with your mate.  Maybe you are asking why she isn’t as affectionate as you would like for her to be or maybe she doesn’t show you the respect you think you deserve.

As I help couples almost every day, I am reminded of the passage of scripture in Ephesians 5:21-33.  I know I quote part of that scripture several times every week.  If I let it, I’m afraid that my familiarity of that passage will cause it to lose its effectiveness in my own life.  So I began asking God to show me some new things about a couple of the words that are included in the passage.

The first word that I began studying is “nourish.” The Greek word means “to bring to maturity.”  Now men, we need to realize that girls mature faster than boys.  I do not believe that it is our responsibility to make sure our wives mature.  So I asked God what that means for at least me as I try to understand this verse better.  My understanding of this word in the context of this passage is that we as husbands are to help our wives reach their full potential as an individual.  When a woman gets married she is not supposed to lose her identity, but rather her identity should be enhanced and fulfilled in her relationship with her husband.  I know that during the wedding ceremony, the couple is identified as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  This does not mean that Jane loses being Jane.  She is now connected to John in a covenant relationship that will enhance her for the rest of her life.

The second word that I studied is “cherish.” This word is not used anywhere else in scripture other than in I Thess. 2:7 where is talks about being gentle as a nursing mother.  It means to foster with tender care.  I would like for you to imagine for a minute of when your wife would nurse your children.  How content and safe did your child feel during those feeding times?  There is no safer place to be than in the loving arms of a mother for that infant.  Now think about that in relationship to your wife concerning you.  Is your wife completely safe in your arms?  Do you provide warmth and security in your relationship?

I am afraid that many of us do not create such an environment.  We are too busy worried about ourselves and our desires to be concerned with the need to create the warm, secure, enhancing environment that our wives so desperately need.  Every time we yell, criticize, and demand something, we are guilty of tearing holes in the security blanket of our marriage.


I am so thankful that Jesus was not as concerned for His own well being as He loved the church while He died for her.  I wonder sometimes how I will be judged in my reflection of His love for my wife through the way I show her love.  I hope today as you read these words that you are challenged to create the security in your love relationship with your wife that is described in Eph. 5.

Catching Up W/ Brad

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Wow, it has been such a long time since I have written anything. So much has happened in the past four or five months that I do not even know where to start. I guess the high light of the summer would have to be the fact that my daughter, Danielle, got married to David Barker. I had the privilege of performing the ceremony. I surprised even myself along with everyone else in attendance that I did not cry during the service, not even once. I have thought about that evening several times over the past few months and I believe that both Danielle and David were ready to get married, as least as ready as one can be. I also believe that each one of them is living their lives with the purpose of giving God glory in all that they do. Do I believe that they are perfect? No Way!!! Remember I raised Danielle, which makes her imperfect and David is a guy…enough said about that.  While I performed the service, I remember thinking “how proud I am of the choices my daughter has made.  This must be what God feels like when we make choices that bring Him honor.” David and Danielle are living in Fort Worth both attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary preparing to go wherever in the world God sends them.  What a challenge they have in front of them!! Over the next couple of years as they get to know each other better, He will be preparing them both spiritually as well as relationally for the task ahead of them. I am looking forward to watching God work in their lives as they seek to bring Him glory and honor.

As I reflect over the summer, one other major event took place. I believed God was leading me to begin a private pastoral counseling ministry. I worked toward that end, looking for office space as well as office furniture and the like. I moved into my new office the first week in September. I am no longer on a church staff, which is totally something that I am not used to. I have spent 25 years or more serving churches on a daily basis. Now I am a member of a church, working in the private sector. I have been told that my move could not have come at a worse time because of the economy. I also have been told that people are excited for me. Let me share with you that I am both excited as well as uncertain. The excitement comes from knowing that God has gifted me and has led me to this point. Everything over the past couple of years has been grooming me for this ministry. As I meet with individuals and couples, I have a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I believe that I am exactly where God wants me to be. The uncertainty of this move is that I do not have the security that being on a church staff brings. I do not have the everyday camaraderie of the other ministers. Sometimes ministers are the only ones that get along with ministers. We understand one another as well as the issues that face us on a daily basis. I also do not have the sense of deadlines or projects facing me. The stress level on one hand is a lot less, while there are different stressors being on your own.

I guess I am writing today for a couple of reasons. The first is to get started writing again. I know that I am supposed to write and share my thoughts along the way. I have been amiss for not writing all summer long. I could blame a lot of different things for that, but let me just confess that I was wrong for not writing. The second reason for writing today is to let you know what is going on in my life. These past few months have been exciting as well as stressful. God has been truly working in all kinds of areas in my life. When God works in making us who we are supposed to be, He has to cut, chisel, scrape, or even dismantle what does not reflect Him so He can replace the bad with His Good.

I ask you today to pray for Directed Path Ministries so that this ministry will be everything that God wants it to be. Pray that I will have God’s wisdom for each person He places in my path.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

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Exodus 20:12 (NLT)
12 “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Today is my dad’s 80th birthday.  We spent the weekend together in Hot Springs, Arkansas with my parents along with my sisters and their husbands celebrating this wonderful occasion.  I realize how blessed I am to still have both of my parents living at my age.  I know so many of my friends who have had parents pass away.  I just haven’t had to experience that yet.

As I think about my relationship with my dad, I have so many fond memories.  I remember at the age of six, I got for Christmas my basketball goal.  Dad taught me how to shoot the basketball properly even at such an early age.  The goal was 10ft high even for me as a six year old.  My dad was not in favor of short cuts at all.  Over the years we would spend hours playing basketball, until I started beating him in games of one-on-one.  That did not happen until I was about 15 though.  I don’t think I ever beat him in a game of horse as he was a sharp shooter.  He had me jumping rope and bouncing the ball everywhere I went.  He even sent off to UCLA for their jumping exercises when I was in Jr. High school so that I could jump fairly high.  I could dunk a volleyball at 15 and a basketball by 16.  My dad would take me to basketball games all over the area from as early as I can remember.  My mom would go with us after my sisters got older just so she could spend time with us, I think.  We went to the Rockets games when they played in Hofheinz Pavilion, which was two or three venues ago.  I remember seeing John Havlicek play against the Rockets in the play-offs and of course he shot the winning shot.  I got to see Julius Erving play as well and of course Moses Malone and Rudy Tomjanovich and Calvin Murphy.  My dad along with another friend took several of us to see the Texas High School state tournament in Austin, TX.  The main player I remember watching then was Terry Teagle who had a great high school career along with going to play at Baylor then the Lakers.  A great deal of my memories has to deal with us going to see basketball games over the years.  I also remember going to several football games with him, but the most memorable game was going to see the Dallas Cowboys play the Washington Redskins the very first year Texas Stadium was opened.  I believe that was the coldest experience of my life.

As I continue to reflect on my relationship with my dad, I remember how stern he could be.  He expected us to obey him and behave in a way that would be honoring to him and Mom along with being Christ-like.  My dad, as long as I can remember, has been a very well respected man at his church.  He has been a deacon for most of my life, if not all.  He has served on many different committees and has held many offices.  He taught us early in our lives the importance of going to church and serving God.  I remember on Sunday mornings when we got our allowance, we would fill out our offering envelopes each week together and put in our tithe from our allowance.  He led us to be tithers by example.  I know that my mom had a lot to do with my spiritual development, but today is the reflections of my dad.  My dad didn’t talk that much, but I tell people that he was like E.F. Hutton: “when he spoke, people listened.”  Just to show the impact my parents’ spiritual lives had on the three of us kids, my oldest sister is an elder in her church, my middle sister is married to an ordained minister, and I am in the ministry as well.  Now my daughter is in seminary studying to be a missionary and is marrying a man who is called to the ministry also.  My son has expressed a call on his life for God to use in a special way.  What a legacy!!!

Yes, many of my thoughts go back to the times my dad took me to watch someone else play basketball or even when he would go play in a golf tournament, I would go “be” his caddy.  I do think about the times we would play or he would coach me in basketball.  I do remember some of the tongue lashings I got for not doing some things right or talking back to him.  But more than those memories, I reflect on the fact that my parents are still married after 57 years.  They are still active in church as my dad serves as a deacon and ministers to many of the widows in his church.  My mom still sings in the adult choir and they are faithful still in Sunday School.  Yes, on a day that was celebrated three days earlier, I reflect on the fact that God blessed me with a dad that loves God, loves his wife, loves his children (now his grands & great-grands), and is leaving a legacy that will out live him for sure.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!! Thank you for being the dad that God wanted you to be.

Family Growing

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My family is growing in the way of children becoming adults and getting married.  You know as I prepare myself for the coming days, weeks, and months, I am reflecting on where we as a family have been and I am visioning where we are going.  I do not know about any of you, if you are parents, but I keep thinking about the small children running around the house in their diapers or underwear playing with that perfect laugh that only a small child can make.  I can even envision them taking their baths together and splashing around in the tub.  OK, I know that I have probably embarrassed them fully with that last memory, but what else do parents do except embarrass their children.

I can climb the memory ladder to both of them participating in Taekwondo and practicing with each other at the house.  I can also see us playing basketball in the driveway or me coaching them in children’s leagues.  I remember going on trips together over the years.  My son still owes me a trip down Space Mountain from our only trip to Disney World.  I am hoping that he makes enough money to take me back some day. J  I can see him just flying down the mountain skiing and Lisa and I were asking him to prove that he knew how to ski properly.  He would go a little ways then ask, “Now can I just go fast?”  I remember when a guy almost ran over his mom on the ski run and he wanted to “do something about it.”  He was about eight at the time.  On the same trip, my daughter wasn’t sure she wanted to ski until she received lessons from the “right” person.  I see both of my children through all the different stages of maturation and wonder where did the time go?  Knowing that in just a few short months I will not have them as dependents, but rather they will be married and beginning a new life of their own.  What a thought is that!

My heart leaps in anticipation of what will be next for them.  Part of the anticipation is pure joy while another part is questioning.  I question myself as a parent.  Did I train them in the way they should go?  Did I model good relationship qualities in front of them?  Did I point them to the Face of God no matter what the circumstances?  Did I teach them how to trust God in all things?  Did I show them unconditional love and acceptance?  I guess this list could go forever as well.  Parents, do you ever question yourselves when it comes to your parenting skills?  I would love to hear about your questions.

This whole growth pattern started several months ago as Caleb told me that he was engaged.  I immediately started asking him questions about jobs, money, school, plans, etc.  Since the initial shock, I have been praying for God to work in his life to lead him and give him wisdom.  I have seen him make tremendous strides in becoming a man.  We have had some very serious conversations and then some light ones as well.  I have enjoyed my conversations with his future bride, Leathia, as well.  I look forward to what God is going to do in their relationship.

The pattern continued a few weeks ago when a young man called me to ask if we could have lunch together.  I said yes and we met a couple of days later.  I knew that he and Danielle were seriously talking about getting married so I knew what the purpose of the meeting was.  As I sat there, I had so many thoughts of what I needed to say and what I needed to ask.  As the conversation progressed, it became very obvious that God had placed this man, David in my daughter’s life.  I felt more and more at ease as we talked.  Do I have concerns?  I have a few.  But I know that in the long run, God has put these two together and He is working in their lives.  Lisa and I even helped David set up one of the most romantic proposals I have ever witnessed.  Maybe one day we will post the video for all to see.  Danielle never knew about any of those conversations.  What an eventful time in our lives.

I guess as a parent you expect these times to come, but when they come you question if you are ready for them.  Am I ready?  I do not know if I am or not, but ready or not here they are!  I just cannot wait to see how God is going to bring The Watsons along in tHis journey and how He will use us and our new additions to further His Kingdom.

Purpose Statement

I provide Biblical Counseling for:
  • People who are hurting in their marriages and families.
  • People who are hurting emotionally and spiritually.
  • People who are seeking freedom from the bondage in their lives.

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Location & Phone Number

5411 PLAZA DR STE G
TEXARKANA, TX 75503
PHONE: (903) 244-5150


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